Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Doppelgangers in Row Six

I didn't get groceries yesterday - my usual day - because I wasn't feeling great. I still wasn't feeling great today but the cupboards were getting bare (yeah, that's not remotely accurate, the cupboards are overflowing with coconut milk and canned soup and about-to-expire tomato sauce, but my over-indulged brood were insisting on things like fresh produce and non-moldy bread). I felt like I looked okay. I kind of like my grocery-shopping uniform - gray leggings, blue stripey shirt with cool handkerchief hem, work socks and boots. But my hair is in desperate need of a cut and colour - I was using this root spray that seemed okay for a while, but now it just makes me feel like one of those guys in those "spray paint the bald away" infomercials, and it just seems too sad. So I didn't feel like I'd make children cry or anything, but I was kind of hoping I wouldn't run into anyone I knew.

So I got there and immediately ran into someone I knew. We did the 'hey, how are you, how are the kids" and then I said "ooh, Jann Arden, that looked cool" and she said "That wasn't me". And my eyes shot open wide and my jaw dropped down low and I was like "but, but, yes it was. There were pictures. It was you, it was totally you, WHY ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME LIKE THIS?" And then she left and I realized she was totally and completely NOT who I thought she was.

About a quarter of the way through the store it I noticed this woman who was trailing me through the aisles. She was wearing leggings and a white sweater with a cool handkerchief hem. And boots. And her hair was long and blonde and perfect and did not require any improvement whatsoever. And she was thin.

This slightly better version of me ended up right behind me in line at the checkout. I took an obscure comfort from the fact that she had even more frozen pizzas than I did.

2 comments:

Steph Lovelady said...

I kind of love that you have a grocery shopping uniform. But that woman was not a slightly better version of you. You are the best version of you.

Nicole Boyhouse said...

That happened to me recently, where I had this intense conversation with someone and about halfway through I realized - awkwardly - that she was not the woman I thought she was. eeep.