Showing posts from October, 2016

Brains and Eyes and Hearts

Depression has its teeth pretty deep into my brain stem at the moment. I feel bizarrely lonely, which is stupid since I'm surrounded, physically and virtually, by wonderful people who love me. I feel ashamed that I'm wasting the beautiful fall days in sadness. I feel like I've accomplished nothing of note, and rushed heedlessly through my kids' childhood, and basically wasted my life. I know this is not rational or true. I know this will pass. I had a really good summer. It's okay. I've been reading a bunch of stuff and finding it either acutely painful or strangely comforting - sometimes both at the same time. When Breath Becomes Air  by Paul Kalanithi is the memoir of a neurosurgeon who finds out he has advanced lung cancer at 36 just as he's about to finish his residency and start an illustrious career. I'm always a bit hesitant to read books like this, because you feel like a total dick if you can't give them a rave review, you know? When I