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Day 30+1: Posting Just Because I Want To

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 I almost always post the day after NaBloPoMo just to prove that it didn't almost do me in (although it did, it really did, it always does).  I've been feeling a bit panicky about going to Hamilton this weekend instead of doing more house stuff, which I realized is making me feel a bit like I've become addicted to decluttering - sneaking away every spare moment to do it, not being able to stop even when I'm in pain, feeling resentful about anything that takes me away from it - which might be an indication that I should go somewhere else for a couple of days. Speaking of losing my marbles, I've started this new thing to help me remember things for more than ten seconds. If I'm washing my face or something and I remember an item that has to go on the grocery list, I say it out loud a few times. Then when I get to the kitchen, sometimes it will actually come back to me that I had to put something on the list, and then the memory of saying it out loud reminds me of

Day 30: Confetti! Fireworks! Rousing Big Band Music!

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 "How are you doing all this posting?", asked Ernie? I DON'T KNOW, ERNIE. How did you manage to comment every day? Thank you fervently and gratefully and effusively, people who commented, although I know in my heart or hearts that even if you started out charmed by the daily missives, by the end you must have been muttering "oh great, another fucking Allison Post".  What I SHOULD do, what I mean to do every November, is write mostly in the morning, write a few posts on days when I have more time and schedule them, and leave the evening for either polishing or commenting on other people's posts. What I ACTUALLY do is almost always leave it until the very last thing and then slouch to the computer with very bad grace to bang something out resentfully. And because I talk a lot about myself and my current mood here, this often just leads to a bunch of posts starting out with "UGGGGGHHHH, why did I think this was a good ideaaaaaa, *whale noises* (this is wha

Day 29: E is for Eve: A Random Collection of Cool Things About My Daughter

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 I guess first you should read this ? Honestly, when I found out I was pregnant the second time (and I knew this time, I KNEW - I had felt my ovaries fizzing like champagne and the midwife said "you got a positive result that early?", and I put a pregnancy test box with a blue pawprint on it on the stairs for when my husband got home), I thought I had probably used up all my luck on that first really good baby. Not that I thought this one would be bad, but surely it would refuse to sleep, or cry all the time, or dislike me obviously from day one. I could say that maybe she was meant for someone else, someone who deserved a break from the universe, but she was so clearly meant to be mine.  My relationship with my mom was difficult. Neither of us was really wrong, we just really didn't get each other. She did the best she could, and I did not make it easy. Eve is like me in all the ways that make that relationship not just good, but FUN, and she is better than me in the wa

Day 28: Boxes, Small Balls, Hard Questions

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We're in that weird Christmas shoulder season where today feels slightly too soon to start decorating but I can't decide exactly how long I should wait, and inevitably I will feel like I waited too long when I do start.  I was downstairs sorting baby clothes (oh yes, I have decided to go through all the bins of baby clothes and wash them all and sort them so they're better organized, which is great except it's really highlighting that I have kept a lot, like a lot, like a really indefensible amount, of baby clothes, which I could kind of ignore when I had a few bins stashed here and a couple of boxes stashed there) and flipping through photos and stacking up numerous pairs of Angus's old pajama pants to give away, and was suddenly exhausted and discouraged and wondering if I'm fooling myself that if I keep up with this, next year everything will be orderly and we will be able to find things and maybe even Christmas won't be insane because I'll know where

Day 27: Surly Sunday

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 I am unaccountably cranky today. I do often in November have a fairly drastic downturn in mood and energy around four o'clock, which was just when we were leaving for dinner with my parents. It hasn't affected me too badly yet this month, so I should be grateful, which I probably will be when I get done being cranky.  Surly Sunday is alliteration. Usually I do Surly Thursday which is -- assonance? Consonance? Neither, quite, and I should know this, fuck. I had raspberries and blackberries with vanilla yogurt for breakfast, which was delicious. I have had a berry seed stuck between my two back left lower molars all day, which is driving me slowly mad. I have flossed. I have picked. I have swished. I have chewed gum. I think there may be nothing left for it but to pull out the power drill.  I spent some time in the back storage area today. Against the back wall of the house there are big built-in shelves - four levels. Then there is an Ikea set of metal shelves - I hate these, t

Day 26: The Universe Is So Much Bigger Than You Realize

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So big, in fact, that I traveled ahead in time yesterday to November 28th (what the heck, me yesterday?) I took my mom to her ultrasound appointment at the butt-crack of dawn today. It was a beautiful day, it was a nice drive and nice to see the sun coming up, and my mom made me tea, and I left Lucy at home. So everything was great, except for the fact that the medical imaging place we always go to was designed and is run by some actually evil disciple of Satan or Elon Musk. My mom was told to be there at a time ten minutes after it opened, according to their hours online and on her requisition. When she got there there was a line, with an older woman with a cane at the front of it. The doors still weren't open. The woman with the cane banged on the door, and a snippy person came and said they would not be opening the door until fifteen minutes AFTER their stated opening time. Wut? This should not be a thing. Seniors standing in line outside in November (it was unseasonably warm to

Day 28: In Which I May Have Bitten Off More Than I Can Chew

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 I keep going to title this post and realizing that I have almost certainly used every title that crosses my mind - "Crawling to the Finish Line": "I Think I Can, I Think I Can": Holy Fuck I Do Not Feel Like Blogging Tonight" - at this precise period in NaBloPoMos Past.  I just realized that I didn't tell you about my teeth-cleaning experience on Tuesday. I also just realized that the bag of McIntosh apples I bought after that teeth-cleaning experience is still sitting on the table unopened and I'm afraid the precious, precious Macs will rot, so I had to lean over awkwardly and tear it open and spread out the apples before proceeding. It was a very bad experience. It may have been my worse teeth-cleaning experience ever. I wanted to ask the hygienist if she had just wandered in off the street, tied up the actual hygienist and stuffed her (or him) in a closet and then grabbed a plaque scraper and waited for the next unwitting victim (me) to happen by.  S