Showing posts from February, 2020


I'm caught somewhere between disappointment and relief that none of us are psychic. I did remember one time when I was in a band in high school and while we were practicing one girl got really upset and said she felt like something bad was going to happen, and then a friend called and said he'd been in a car accident (everyone was fine). Am I like Mulder, do I just want to believe? I also remember lying in bed while extremely pregnant and trying with all my might to send Matt a psychic message to bring me a cup of tea. It didn't work. I feel a little thin on blog fodder right now, but I really want to keep up some kind of momentum because I think my mental health is better when I'm blogging, however badly. It was a good week. I did a couple extra shifts to fill in for my sick co-worker and in the morning announcements the secretary said "can we get a whoo-hoo, Allison is in the library". I came home from work and took Lucy for a good walk a couple of times

Mediums Rare

Heartfelt thanks for the lovely comments on my last post. Although Ernie's comment made me think this: Ernie: "You are really funny, probably without trying." Me: I've had an up and down week. I had a couple of really productive days and thought hey! I can do this, I'm all good. Then I would sit down in a chair and fall asleep for three hours or feel like I was run over by a truck the day after being busy and think okay, maybe I'm a useless waste of skin after all and optimism is for chumps. Bloodwork and a doctor's appointment are on the docket, but I have a sense the diagnosis is going to be the usual - depression, anxiety, perimenopause and/or terminal lameness. I worked in the school office for the first time at my Wednesday school. I did mainly attendance, which is sort of a repetitive, Zen exercise. I gave out late slips, which is always something I thought would be kind of fun - you plug in the name, a little slip zips out of the little m

It Is Always My Intention to Make You Laugh

My body and brain are still doing weird shit. Both my sciatic nerves feel inflamed, but in a surface, neuralgia-type of way, so stretching doesn't really help and it hurts to sit down. I had this happen once before, but it was when Matt had come home from a week away, when it's not unusual for my body to engage in some weird-ass immune-response bullshit. Matt is away now, but I've been having a lovely long week-end with Matt and Eve and girlfriends, so I'm not sure what the deal is, but it's less than ideal. Valentine's Day, right? What a fraught minefield. There were years when I had a boyfriend and everything was deliriously romantic. There were years when I had a husband and everything was deliriously romantic. There were years when I had a husband and we did nothing and I was angry, not that we did nothing but that we didn't discuss doing nothing first. There were years when we did nothing and I was fine with it. The year Angus was two, we got an amaz

Not-Quite-Surly Not-Quite-Thursday

February, man. It's almost worse than January, because January is this big suckhole after December, which is exhausting but also fun and rewarding, and then you get out of January and you lift up your head and look around hopefully, just to get smacked in the head with Fucking February. The whole stupid WORD February doesn't even make any goddamned sense. Almost everyone says Feb-you-ary. I really try to say words correctly (it's NUCLEAR, people, NOT NUCULAR), but I feel like a douche saying Feb-roo-ary. Okay, I just tested it, never mind, I never say it correctly.  You know how sometimes you have to just be okay not being okay for a while? I was feeling pretty good about seeing January out without too much emotional drama, and then my uterus caught fire and I was unable to sleep or walk or find a position that didn't hurt for a couple of days, and then it went away, but at this time of year it's way too easy for something physically bad to tip me over into somet

Surly Thursday, Mind and Body Edition

Sometimes I have to save up my surliness for today, which I have a little, but honestly I could probably peg the whole post on the fact that (TMI ALERT), a year and a month after I got my giant fibroid removed and my uterus scorched , guess whose door Aunt Flo started knocking on last night?? FUCK OFF AUNT FLO, NOBODY INVITED YOU. The bleeding isn't bad so far, but the abdominal pain is horrific - I thought I was dying last night. Then I realized what was going on and was immediately nostalgic for five minutes ago when I was dying. I had deleted Pink Pad off my phone! I had traveled care-free! I had not gotten rid of all supplies because I'm not a complete idiot (ha, that's a total lie, I meant to, I was just too lazy).  Actual footage of my current mood I've done some reading and I can't really figure out if this is just how it goes sometimes or if I'm actually dying. I guess I'll go to the doctor. For now I'm just bitching and swearing a lot. W

Books Read in 2019: Books That I Inexplicably Forgot to Post About Because I Am An IDIOT

I was idly scanning one of my book review posts and suddenly realized that I didn't remember posting a review of The Institute by Stephen King. I thought maybe I did it on auto-pilot, but then I worried that I posted the title and synopsis but not my review. I went through all my four-star review posts and... not there. I was baffled. I was bemused. I went to Goodreads and called up my stats and looked at the rows of book covers and saw a few other books that I didn't remember reviewing. I gritted my teeth and went through all the posts counting the books I had reviewed and did the math add up? READER, IT DID NOT. I was befuddled. I was bewildered. So now what do I do? Pretend it didn't happen? I fear I am too much of a completist for that. Just sneak the missing titles into the posts? I could - let's face it, I feel like we're all a little weary and ready to move on from Allison's Book Review Posts at this point. I can't quite make myself do it, though -