Honest Crap...er, Scrap

It totally looks like I ripped that title off from Tracy, but I didn't. We just have similar immature and slightly foul-mouthed sensibilities, and she's quicker off the post than I am (ha).

My bff who I'm convinced I should have met when I was five because she would have made that whole anxious-childhood-miserable-adolescence thing infinitely more enjoyable (and good on fate for finally rectifying the error) Pam has bestowed the Honest Scrap award on me. I've seen this one around, and honestly, I'm confused by it. It's not for scrapbooking blogs? There's an arm holding a hammer. It's for people who are good at hammering..together...scraps of...knowledge or something? Anyway, it's from Pam and it's an award, and either of those two is more than good enough for me. And my little hammer.

The Honest Scrap Award Rules say that I must:

1. Brag about the award.
2. Include the name of the blogger who gave you the award and link back to that blogger.
3. Choose a selection of blogs that you find brilliant in honest content.
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award.
5. List at least ten honest things about yourself.

I've recently done the handing out awards thing and I don't think I frequent enough blogs to do this again so soon -- may I defer the handing on of the award?

Now for ten honest things. Does anybody besides me somehow automatically think that 'honest' equate with embarrassing or confessional? I don't want to gross anybody out here or make everyone run screaming from their laptops. I will try to strike a balance.

1. At one point when I was not exactly right in the head, I used to close my eyes for a few seconds while I was driving. Only on stretches with no other cars around, and only when I was alone in the car. Probably not long enough to make any difference. I don't do that any more.

2. Sometimes when I get other people's mail by mistake -- really wrong, not like I can walk two doors down and return it -- I read it (I've since learned this is possibly a federal offense, so I might not do it now). I just like the anonymous peek into someone else's life. Once at our apartment in Toronto we got a really witty interesting one from some gay guy in B.C. I sort of felt like writing back.

3. We've reached the point in our marriage where my husband's repeated expressions drive me insane. I don't think I have anything that I say all the time, so I really notice when people do. My friend Patti says "I hear ya", which I find adorable. Our friend Tony often says 'therefore -- ergo' which means the same thing, but I still find it endearing. My husband says 'that's for sure' at the end of statements frequently, and it makes me want to rip my ears off and set them on fire. "It's not for sure!" I often scream in my head. "Nothing is certain! You're a goddamned PHYSICIST, how can you not know that? It's a particle, it's a wave, it's the FIFTIETH time you've said that today! I hate you!" I think it's a sign of my personal growth that I never say any of this out loud. He also says dilapitated instead of dated. It's a wonder I haven't driven a stake through his heart.

4. I always let people in front of me when I'm driving. Except those people that zoom up the lane that's ending to get a few metres ahead before merging. Then I'd rather cause a six-car pileup than let them in.

5. It's possible my driver's license should be revoked.

6. I like some of Miley Cyrus's songs (sorry Jane).

7. I am lazy. I want to play the piano well again and write short stories and I theoretically have six kid-free hours during the day Monday to Friday right now. I should be accomplishing more.

8. I'm not sure if my daughter ever starts keeping a diary I will be able to not read it.

9. Sometimes I worry that if I had a choice between being nice and being pretty I wouldn't pick being nice. I guess it's a good thing I don't have a choice.

10. Once when I was buying jeans after having Angus the saleswoman was so skinny and seemed to look at my tummy so pointedly when she asked how old my 'newborn' was, I said he was two months old when really he was ten months old.

11. It drives me batshit when people pronounce it 'nuculer'. Like, if I met Mother Teresa and she had said 'nuculer' I would have been in doubt about her ultimate goodness, despite all the self-sacrificing and healing the sick and living with the poor and everything. People -- it's not that hard to say nuclear. Now people that say Feb-u-ary? Not a problem. Calling a month Feb-ru-ary is just dumb.

There you go. I hope we can still be friends. Everyone else, I mean -- Pam is totally stuck with me. I know where she lives.


Anonymous said…
I say Feb-RU-ary, because my grade one teacher drilled it into our heads. I don't want to incite the wrath of Miss Tan. And neither do you, she was hard-core.

And one of my more embarrassing moments during my 2nd pregnancy was being SO OVERCOME with emotion while watching Miley Cyrus on Oprah, that I had to deep-breathe for 5 minutes so that I could stop crying enough to pick up my daughter from daycare. Yeah.
Patti Murphy said…
Aw you're so sweet about my annoying saying. I think you're fabulous and your 11 Things are a work of comedic genius.

Would like very much to get together with you and yours. We just have to set up a dilapidate to do it.
Mary Lynn said…
"Whatever" is my word that makes me want to strangle someone. I have a very good friend at work who is prone to being a tad anxious and over-wrought. I'll be messaging back and forth with him, helping him through whatever mini-crisis is driving him batty. Then, after 10 minutes of this I'll come up with some advice I really think is quite helpful and he'll respond with "Whatever...I just don't care about this anymore." And then I'll want to strangle him for wasting my time with something he claims not to care about (except he really does care, which is why all the whinging). I finally actually told him that "whatever" drives me nuts and he uses it a lot less now.

I also hate libary.
Pam said…
Big silly grin. It's fun to throw challenges at you 'cause I know you can't refuse (and I know where you live) and I love to see what you come up with. I'm glad you got hammered and found a thing or two to confess, I mean, share with us.
1. Funny. Glad you're over that now though!
2.Postcards are fair game. Right now I have an unopened Christmas card to the former owners here and now it seems too late to send this one on.
3.Yep, I hear ya on this one, that's for sure.
4. You get the nice-to-a-point driver's award.
5. No - keep it, just keep your eyes open.
6. I have no comment for this.
7. Welcome to the procrastinators club. Next meeting, sometime sooner or later.
8. She'll probably figure this out and have a decoy diary for you to "find".
9. Well, you already are both qualities so it's kind of pointless. (More bff points?)
10. Bitch
11. "Nucular" is Steve's HUGE irritant too. I'm annoyed by "flustrated" when they really mean "frustrated". Arrrgh!
I loved your list, you made me laugh quite a few times. And you should definitely say that to your husband - he's a physicist, he'll appreciate the reference to wave-particle duality ;)

Visiting to welcome you to SITS! I hope you enjoy our community.
Shan said…
I can't stand it when someone tells me to "have a good one". Drives me freakin' nuts. Only because I used to work with a girl that was not my cup of tea, to put it kindly, and she said it all the freakin' time. Every time I hear it I think of her.

I like me some Miley Cyrus too. Shhh don't tell.
The Mayor! said…
OMG, I laughed til I cried over the hubby one!! I seriously question if we are ever supposed to ACTUALLY live with a man forever....& not be expected to eventually find ourselves standing over them while they sleep, 3rd martini in one hand & a steak knife in the other! BAHAHAHAHAHA! Great post Allison, & no worries, you can "borrow" anytime LOL!! :-D
Anonymous said…
That is one creative and fabulous list!
Magpie said…
Love the double negative in #8.
BeachMama said…
Love it! Your list is great. And I will be sure to never speed up and try to cut you off, not that I ever do it but the one time I would you would be beside me ;)

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