Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Non-Wordless Wednesday Because I Feel Like Talking After All

Going to take the tip from Nicole, post twice today and say it makes up for the day I missed.

So the other day on a Facebook group I follow - it's called something like Fat Loss Without Deprivation, but so far I'm just using it to deprogram from my fucked-up relationship with food - someone said something like "it's still really hard to think of eating as fueling myself for my activities rather than thinking of exercising as punishing myself for eating". I didn't gasp in recognition or anything, just nodded in recognition.

Then today I took Lucy for a walk because our cleaning lady was here and it makes Lucy lose her mind and it's really embarrassing, and I'd planned to get out for a walk anyway.

I headed out on our usual route. About fifteen minutes in, I realized I wasn't really enjoying myself. I felt like I was just wishing for the walk to be over soon. This seemed a little weird. It was quite nice out - brighter after the unrelenting grayness of the past few days, briskly cool the way I like it. Lucy wasn't being an asshole. All the old people who had commented on how underdressed I was for the weather had done so nicely and humorously. What was the deal?

Ah. That was it. I was walking faster than was comfortable. You know, to burn more calories and make the walk 'worth it'. I've been kind of achy this week - hips, lower back, feet. I'm overdue for a chiropractor appointment and not young, or light. And walking fast was painful and exhausting.

So I slowed down. Let Lucy stop and sniff some stuff. Looked around a little. Enjoyed moving. And when I got near home, I went around the park again once more just because it felt good to be walking.

In a way it's really frustrating. I keep having to relearn the same lesson over and over again. I can't even just go for a fucking walk without it becoming a showcase for dysfunctional thinking. In a way, I guess it's good that I figured it out before I got home.

2 comments:

Steph Lovelady said...

I think it's hard not to have a troubled relationship with food and exercise. Once you manage to judge yourself a little less for a little while, someone else is right there to do it for you.

Nicole said...

Oooh, Steph wins at comments, that is the best one.

Also, this made me think of Ferris Bueller: life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to enjoy it you might miss it. Or something. I could look up the quote I guess but LAZY.