Non-Wordless Wednesday Because I Feel Like Talking After All

Going to take the tip from Nicole, post twice today and say it makes up for the day I missed.

So the other day on a Facebook group I follow - it's called something like Fat Loss Without Deprivation, but so far I'm just using it to deprogram from my fucked-up relationship with food - someone said something like "it's still really hard to think of eating as fueling myself for my activities rather than thinking of exercising as punishing myself for eating". I didn't gasp in recognition or anything, just nodded in recognition.

Then today I took Lucy for a walk because our cleaning lady was here and it makes Lucy lose her mind and it's really embarrassing, and I'd planned to get out for a walk anyway.

I headed out on our usual route. About fifteen minutes in, I realized I wasn't really enjoying myself. I felt like I was just wishing for the walk to be over soon. This seemed a little weird. It was quite nice out - brighter after the unrelenting grayness of the past few days, briskly cool the way I like it. Lucy wasn't being an asshole. All the old people who had commented on how underdressed I was for the weather had done so nicely and humorously. What was the deal?

Ah. That was it. I was walking faster than was comfortable. You know, to burn more calories and make the walk 'worth it'. I've been kind of achy this week - hips, lower back, feet. I'm overdue for a chiropractor appointment and not young, or light. And walking fast was painful and exhausting.

So I slowed down. Let Lucy stop and sniff some stuff. Looked around a little. Enjoyed moving. And when I got near home, I went around the park again once more just because it felt good to be walking.

In a way it's really frustrating. I keep having to relearn the same lesson over and over again. I can't even just go for a fucking walk without it becoming a showcase for dysfunctional thinking. In a way, I guess it's good that I figured it out before I got home.