So Stupid You Just Have to Laugh

 Suzanne just sent me quick, kind email check-in, which tipped me over from my I-Should-Really-Blog state into Okay-I'm-Blogging state, particularly as I was just sort-of finishing dinner and I was thinking of Suzanne anyway. 

You guys, the amount of Stupid in this day would overflow the Stupidity line on any given bucket on any given day. I also just had to type the word 'stupidity' a stupid number of times.

I haven't been sleeping the greatest, and I was out of the over-the-counter sleeping pills that I often use on Sunday nights so I get a few hours before my early Monday library shift. I took an ancient Ativan instead (making all the good choices lately), tried to read and had some kind of demonic vision instead, fell asleep hard and woke up feeling super-weird. 

Got ready for work. Matt left a few minutes before me to drop the dog at my mom and dad's and head to work. I got ready to go and looked in the key bin and my keys were... not there.

Even when we're not down to one set of keys for the Rav (which we are because I lost my keys and got the fob turned off, that's on me, not in dispute) I had a thing about him not using my keys, because he is notoriously bad at leaving them in a pocket or THE VEHICLE and then I can't find them. But surely he wouldn't have kept them when he knew I had to go to work today? Surely not.

I remembered he used the Rav to do errands before our party on Sunday. He definitely had the keys.

I called my parents to see if I could catch him - he'd just left. I called his cell... no answer.

He couldn't answer but fortunately could see I had called, and came back to give me the keys. I didn't bother getting angry because obviously it was an accident, and it's hard not to get angry when you keep saying put them back in the bin right after you're done with them so this doesn't happen and then, you know, this happens, but I do stupid stuff too, so, not angry. But a little late for work and a little off balance.

Work was good. Monday is pretty much my calmest school and set of classes. I let an extra grade one class slip in because they had missed a couple of weeks of their regular class and they were grateful.

After work I went to the bakery, the drug store and the grocery store. I often just park in front of the bakery and grab my wallet from my purse instead of hauling my sizeable heavy purse in. After I paid and left the bakery I decided to just walk the little bit to the drug store, then thought wait no, I don't have my purse, then thought that's okay, I have my wallet. Got into the drug store, went to check my list on my phone, and swung my purse down to grab my phone because I.... did have my purse? *whimper*

Got drug store stuff. Got groceries. Paid for my groceries. Couldn't find my phone. I didn't even have the energy to freak out, just wrote down my name and number (landline) and asked them to call if it turned up. Which it wouldn't because naturally it was in the seat of my car when I got back to it.

Went to my mom and dad's to pick up Lucy. My mom was having trouble with Facebook. You know how dogs want you to throw their ball, but not to take it? No take, only throw? My mom is kind of like this with fixing her ipad or phone - fix it, but don't change anything or maybe don't touch anything at all, just maybe fix it by looking at it. No touch, only fix. 

When I got back to my car, there was a key just inside the car door beside my seat. I looked down at my school lanyard and the key was missing. But nothing was undone, so how did it fall off? By the Awesome Magical Power of Stupid, I can only presume.

I came home. I had taken chicken thighs out of the freezer. One of my friends mentioned honey garlic baked chicken thighs and I thought I would try that. I took the chicken thighs out of the fridge but they were still frozen. Crap, should have left them out before work. Okay, maybe I'll instant pot them, you can cook them from frozen. Instant pot says to sear them first. How do I do that if they're frozen? So I microwave thaw them a bit, then sear them - in a frying pan, not the instant pot because using the saute function on the instant pot hurts my wrists. Then I cook them. They smell good. They're done. I open the instant pot and remember that chicken wings and chicken thighs cooked in the instant pot taste good but we usually broil them to make them less soggy. So why did I sear them? And now I'm putting them in the oven anyway. And I thought 'Suzanne would probably never do anything this dumb'. And then I checked my email and saw her message and thought okay, I will share my stupidity stupidty stupdine stupidness for the amusement of all BlogKind.

Easter at my sister's was lovely. The drive went well. We stopped for lunch at one of the highway centres (they call them OnRoutes here because Ontario, ha ha, so clever). My dad is never very hungry at lunch and is never very forthcoming when asked what he wants. We went to A&W and were ordering and then saw the little Buddy Burger menu, so we ordered off of that. When the dude started filling a thimble-sized cup with coke we realized we'd gotten him the kids meal. 

He seemed pretty stoked about it


We had a nice chill Friday evening, then Matt and I drove into Hamilton to drop off food and supplies to Eve and take her out for lunch. 

We dropped her at the library because she's a studious little bunny, and when we got back to London my sister and I and my mom and my niece went to the neighbourhood pub for cocktails while the men napped and watched various sportses. I had a jalapeno paloma that was delicious but made me cough, so my niece Charlotte traded me for her classic margarita, and then I got a less jalapeno-y paloma. Then we all went a bit tipsily next door to the grocery store to get breakfast sausage and Charlotte and I were looking for turkey bacon because she doesn't eat pork and then she started making rude gestures with a giant Polish sausage and an older woman passing by gave us a disgusted look and my mom couldn't stop laughing and my sister booked it to the cash trying to pretend she didn't know us.

It was nice enough to sit on the back deck on Sunday, and then I hung out with my niece in the attic reading my book and watching silly Youtube videos because I don't care about curling. Charlotte let us have her bedroom which was so generous, and I drugged myself to sleep every night so that went okay. 

On Sunday my professor invited Eve over after church (actually invited her for church, but Eve managed to amend the invite to after-church), where she was pressed into service by my professor's granddaughter who adores Eve, into reading her the very seasonally appropriate Twas the Night Before Christmas, while she ate her Easter lunch. Then they did matching tattoos.

Everybody was fine for the drive home, and then we got to my parents' place and Matt (who was driving their vehicle) and my dad (who was beside him in the passenger seat) couldn't find the garage door clicker, and my mom lost her mind and we were all exhausted and I was just staring at the driveway because I didn't even know what the frigging thing looked like, and then Matt flipped the visor and realized it was still clipped to it, they were just looking at the wrong side of it. Into every day a little stupid must fall, it seems. 

I'm going to answer Suzanne's email as soon as I can get back into my email platform, which I really need to switch because it has this tiresome habit of autofilling my password which means the password is absolutely correct, but it says it's not four or five times before it lets me in. If I was smart, I would change this right now. But I'm going to go eat my one-dish, three-pan, two-cooking-method chicken first. 

Comments

Julia2343 said…
thank you for posting. I love your humor!
I am SO glad you posted. You dear, dear woman -- I just relate to you SO MUCH and you make me laugh and nod along in commiseration the whole time. The thing with the key!!! How?!?!?

Also, I cracked up when I read this part: "And I thought 'Suzanne would probably never do anything this dumb'. " Because, no! If you do a stupid cooking thing, you can REST ASSURED that I have done that very thing. Because I am nothing if not expert at finding the worst possible -- or most convoluted, difficult -- way to cook a thing until it is less than edible.

Easter sounds wonderful. I love the photo of your dad with his kid's meal. Hilarious. And now I have a craving for a jalapeno paloma.
Sarah said…
LOVE this-- Ben and I do this with keys and must-have sportsball equipment all the time. And the chicken prep-- that's just the convoluted way I always make dinner. Love the pics-- everyone looks so happy :)
StephLove said…
Your dad looks happy with his meal. It always strikes me how much he looks like Beth's dad.

I think sometimes my propensity to lose things confers a health benefit-- all the steps I get every day looking for glasses, phone, etc.
Pat Birnie said…
Once again you had me chuckling away. The key that fell off the intact lanyard??? Crazy. And you three in the grocery store hahaha
Thanks for making me laugh and feel a little bit better about my stupid days.
NGS said…
The key thing! We have a key holder right next to the door and we're both 90% good at putting the keys back where they belong. But sometimes you have your hands full of groceries or the dog needs to be unharnessed and dealt with and the keys end up in pockets or in purses and it's a thing. Because life.

I don't think any of this sounds like stupidity. It's just that sometimes life doesn't go as smoothly as we'd like!
Ernie said…
I died at the older woman watching your niece make gestures with the sausage. So flipping funny, it's like something out of a movie. You have cracked me up, as usual. Glad Easter was enjoyable. Am I stupid for trying MULTIPLE times to click the arrow on the photo of Eve reading to the little girl? It's not a link, duh. Also, your description of your mom not wanting anyone to touch the device but to just fix it by looking at it. Holy relatable. I got my folks appointments to renew their licenses last summer and you'd have thought that I'd unlocked a secret door to a magical world. Nope, I just called the number on the screen when the online appoitment thing failed me. I hate it when a simple dinner becomes an ordeal.
Nicole said…
OMG the key thing! I think I would actually lose my mind. A couple times lately I have driven J to school and realized I didn't have my phone in my purse. I'm trying to be calm because usually it's just that I left it on the table, it didn't dissolve into thin air.
Busy Bee Suz said…
You always make me laugh so much! The key thing would make me bonkers. Maybe you should attach a brick to them?
The grocery store shenanigans sound like my girls and I....always acting like little fools, but what else is there?
I love your Mom. She's a special gal, isn't she?

Laughing at Eve reading The Night Before Christmas on Easter----how perfect!

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