Day 15: Happy Birthday, Barb. Wish You Were Here.

 So I woke up this morning - with a blinding headache - and Facebook informed me that it was my mother-in-law's birthday. Aside from all the crying, I find this kind of interesting. I have heard people say that they sometimes feel sad on anniversaries after someone has died even when they don't realize until later that it's an anniversary. I wonder if this is why I've been thinking about Barb so much this week. I kind of like thinking that we still carry people we love in our bodies this way, so that we feel them even when we don't know precisely why. 

This was from when we were visiting Barb and Bill at their summer house in Florida over March break a few years ago. We went to the Saturday market chiefly to see dogs. If the dog was in a carrier or a stroller (more common than you might think) Barb would just say "can you take him out?" so we could have full petting access. And everyone did. 

I like the new colour on the walls much more today. I want to text her pictures and have her tell me it's wonderful. I want to show her that we hung Nana's painting over Eve's bookshelf in her redone room and it goes perfectly. I want to pick out something pink to send her for Christmas. I want her to not be gone. 

This sucks. Zero out of ten, would not recommend.  

Comments

Nicole MacPherson said…
xoxoxoxo I think all the "big days" for the first year are just the hardest. I know that was true when my FIL passed. Come to think of it, it's four years ago tomorrow :( Which is funny, because yesterday I was just thinking about him.

Barb sounds like a really extraordinary woman; how lucky to have had her in your life. Lots of hugs and love to you.
November 16, 2020 at 4:10 AM
StephLove said…

Grief's rough. I know she was very special to you.
November 16, 2020 at 5:29 AM
Ernie said…
So sorry for your loss. Barb by the way shares a birthday with Coach.

I think it is a testament to Barb AND to you that you were so close. I don't know many people who were this close to their mother in law. It seems you were both so lucky to have each other.

Love this photo.
November 16, 2020 at 7:26 AM
Suz said…
Big hugs to you. Those anniversaries are so hard. For my Mom's birthday, I do what she would have enjoyed on her birthday. A pedicure maybe? But always, always I have Mexican food with one or two of my dear friends and we have a Margarita in my Mom's honor; that was her favorite thing ever. Mexican food, Margaritas, and friends.

Please tell me you're gonna share paint color photos. If not, you can't speak of it any longer in my presence. ;)
November 18, 2020 at 4:17 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Super Dark Times

Image
 To my American friends, I'm sorry. Not in any kind of distanced, pitying, smug way, because I believe we are headed in a similar direction here in Canada, and I am sad and sick at heart. I told myself I wasn't hoping for the other outcome because I was afraid to, but I realize that I absolutely was, because I was not prepared for how bad this would feel.  Some random thoughts I am having about the whole thing. 1. I'm going to try not to hate anyone. For a while at least. I am totally cool with anyone else hating people that helped this happen. A lot of them did it out of hate. Some did it out of ignorance. Some are struggling and desperate and thought this was a solution. I know that's not an excuse, but it makes me think of when I read The Drowned and the Saved by Primo Levi. He said that he didn't feel like he could judge people who betrayed their fellow Jews for favours from their captors, because he was never given the opportunity and if he had he couldn't ...
Read more

Books Read in 2021: Four-Star YA Horror

Image
I am pretty well ensconced in the January doldrums. We are in a deep freeze, and after the major snow dump on Monday I never catch it snowing, and yet there are a few centimetres on the driveway by every evening. I'm happy with my decision not to take any office shifts for a few weeks - it's incredibly stressful, will only be more so now that people are pissed that we're not supposed to be reporting Covid cases, and I don't even get paid my regular library rate. But it does sort of make the days run together. I try to walk Lucy, but it's so cold she starts dancing around lifting up one paw after the other for me to warm with my mittens. We've tried paw covers but haven't found any that fit. So I walk her around the block and then bring her home and keep walking. It's been cold but not very windy, so walking is quite pleasant (I'm finally not too warm!)  I am rewatching The Golden Girls, which I don't think I ever watched all the way through befor...
Read more

I'm Sick

 Seriously you guys, I am SO SICK, and I have been stupidly engaging in presenteeism even though I am STRONGLY DISAPPROVING when other people do it. It's not because I think I owe anything to the school board (oh my goodness I do not). It's not because I have delusions of grandeur about how important my job is - wait, maybe I do, because at some of my schools my classes have already missed two weeks of library because of EQAO (which necessitated students writing exams in the library), and it's almost the end of the year, which means most of the librarians are closing the library to circulation soon if not now, and I really didn't want to make them miss one of the last library periods.  Also, and I am putting myself out there so try to be kind, I have realized that there is a dumb little part of people-pleasing oldest-child self that always suspects that if I call in sick people think I'm faking, so it's a tiny bit gratifying to go in and have people say oh my GO...
Read more