In Which I Suddenly Realize That I Am the Problem

I've been crap at jotting down things to write about which means I have nothing to write about and also that I clearly don't know myself at all. Let's talk about how I keep thinking that Eve is five instead of seventeen and assuming she can't do stuff when she most certainly can do stuff. I mean, I'm not necessarily the type of mom that tells her kids "you can do anything you want if you just believe in yourself!" (My friend Collette (HI COLLETTE) has a funny story about this that happened at her daughter's diving competition - the mom behind her said to her daughter "I KNEW you'd come in first if you just BELIEVED" - she came in first because she was the only one in her age class). I mean, I knew my kids were smart and I tried to teach them critical thinking and I figured they could do a lot of things, but not, like, fly (or even ride a bike, in Eve's case - sorry babe, my fault you were born without balance), or do magic, or ride a…

I'd Rather Have Five Minutes of Wonderful Than a Lifetime of Nothing Special

A couple of weeks ago I went over to my friend Kerry's (HI KERRY) house for a socially-distanced movie date, after we got talking about Steel Magnolias. While I was there I told her my Steel Magnolias origin story. I was in first-year university and my boyfriend broke up with me. It had been my first serious relationship and we had dated for years at home and then he went to university the year before I did. I didn't exactly go to the same place because of him - I went with my best friend, and it was a great school for the program I wanted, and I have no regrets - but I didn't exactly NOT go there because of him either. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do with myself. After dinner, I left my residence and just started wandering around. I went to the chapel and sat down and realized I really wasn't very religious anymore, and even if I was this seemed like a really embarrassing problem to go to any deity with. I wandered towards the woods trail and then reali…

Ground Covered

I am not thriving - not lamenting, or asking for sympathy, just stating the facts. I am almost dreading going to bed because trying to sleep has been a torturous exercise. I'm in pain. I am not loving my weight and I have zero inclination to exercise. I'm too hot everywhere all the time, even with AC and multiple fans. I am in that meme where you're riding a bike and the bike is on fire and everything is on fire because you're in hell. I am in the centre of a fiery triangle of grief, perimenopause and pandemic - feel more like a pentagram. I'm not a lover of summer weather at the best of times - right now it's making me feel even more claustrophobic. I want out of the heat and out of my skin and out of my life for a few seconds.

Oh well.

So gardening. How do you feel about gardening? I have a similar love/hate relationship dynamic going on with gardening to the one I have with air conditioning. Basically when we started lockdown I threw open our bedroom windows…

For the sword outwears its sheath, and the soul wears out the breast

My mother-in-law died, early in the morning on Saturday. Warmest spring on record in Thunder Bay. Her husband had sat through the night with her because he felt that the time was coming. My husband was nearby.

This is what I wrote on Facebook:

Matt's mom - my kids' Nana Barb - left us this morning and we are bereft. She didn't have a good mother-in-law, so she was determined to be a good mother-in-law and honestly, she probably overshot a little, because I would have settled for one that didn't take her son's side in everything (she didn't, she busted his balls even more than I did). She came and helped me look after the kids while Matt was away - we'd get up early and sit around in our pajamas and messy hair, we'd stay up late and watch weird movies and generally have a splendid time. She bought me my first immersion blender (life-changing) when she couldn't bear to see me pouring soup from pot to blender and back again. She bought me a leopard-pri…

Recipes and Answers

This is the recipe we used for the grilled naan: We followed it exactly, but putting it on the grill butter-side down and then buttering the other side was a bit cumbersome and interfered with closing the lid and getting the temperature hot enough, and when I thought about it afterwards, there's really no reason not to butter both sides before bringing it out to the grill, which would make the whole process more efficient.

This is the recipe for the soft pretzel bites: Unfortunately it doesn't help Nicole because it's not vegan - is there vegan Greek yogurt? Hey, it looks like there is!

Tudor's comment is funny because I thought "oh, right, this time I knew to google "Weight Watchers dough pretzel recipe" but the first time I found it I didn't, so how did I find it? Also, the same thing happened to me a few years ago with a br…


I'm not in the greatest headspace. We've gotten crummy news on a couple of fronts that I don't really feel like talking about right now, but I feel like blogging at least once a week (at most once a week most weeks, let's be Frank, I mean frank, not that there's anything wrong with being Frank, simmer down Franks, I'm sure you're all lovely) is helping to maintain some sort of structure to my time so I'mma just throw up some random shit.

I did make the grilled naan last week and it turned out splendidly.

So we delivered to a couple of houses, and then had a socially-distanced (did I already say I'm getting sick of typing that? I'm really sick of typing that) backyard visit at the last house, which was lovely.