Friday, November 17, 2017

Day 17

World Trivia Night is over, Eve made a legendary club sandwich in cooking class today and we might get thirty centimetres of snow this weekend. However, that would mean it would happen just after my husband gets home from Japan, rather than just after he leaves, which is how it usually goes. Grateful for that. Good night. 

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Day 16

I went to see the play at Eve's school because her friends are in it. I went alone because she was supposed to have basketball practice tonight, but when they got there the gym was full of stupid ball hockey so they didn't, which is annoying because she was planning to go tomorrow night, and I can't go tomorrow night because of World Trivia Night (right Lynn?) So this is my week for going places alone at night and feeling like a big loser.


The play was pretty good and now I have to watch 10 Things I Hate About You tomorrow and feel sad about Heath Ledger. Also, I got home and Eve told me that the girl who played Kat broke up with the guy who played Joey halfway through the play and then she could have a real kiss with the guy who played Patrick instead of one where she stuck her thumbs in between their lips. So. There's your real drama.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Non-Wordless Wednesday Because I Feel Like Talking After All

Going to take the tip from Nicole, post twice today and say it makes up for the day I missed.

So the other day on a Facebook group I follow - it's called something like Fat Loss Without Deprivation, but so far I'm just using it to deprogram from my fucked-up relationship with food - someone said something like "it's still really hard to think of eating as fueling myself for my activities rather than thinking of exercising as punishing myself for eating". I didn't gasp in recognition or anything, just nodded in recognition.

Then today I took Lucy for a walk because our cleaning lady was here and it makes Lucy lose her mind and it's really embarrassing, and I'd planned to get out for a walk anyway.

I headed out on our usual route. About fifteen minutes in, I realized I wasn't really enjoying myself. I felt like I was just wishing for the walk to be over soon. This seemed a little weird. It was quite nice out - brighter after the unrelenting grayness of the past few days, briskly cool the way I like it. Lucy wasn't being an asshole. All the old people who had commented on how underdressed I was for the weather had done so nicely and humorously. What was the deal?

Ah. That was it. I was walking faster than was comfortable. You know, to burn more calories and make the walk 'worth it'. I've been kind of achy this week - hips, lower back, feet. I'm overdue for a chiropractor appointment and not young, or light. And walking fast was painful and exhausting.

So I slowed down. Let Lucy stop and sniff some stuff. Looked around a little. Enjoyed moving. And when I got near home, I went around the park again once more just because it felt good to be walking.

In a way it's really frustrating. I keep having to relearn the same lesson over and over again. I can't even just go for a fucking walk without it becoming a showcase for dysfunctional thinking. In a way, I guess it's good that I figured it out before I got home.

Wordless Wednesday: Found While Cleaning Out Angus's Hat and Glove Drawer, and Appropriate for November

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

I Do Realize That This is Inexcusable

So, after a Facebook discussion this afternoon wherein I admitted that my children were probably exposed to Cards Against Humanity younger than was strictly speaking appropriate (my nephew was the youngest one there, my sister is a worse parent than me, HA), and confessed that I could stand to be a little more circumspect as a parent, Eve came home after school and grabbed a leftover fortune cookie.

She ate it, then read out her fortune: "You have a keen mind and an active imagination". Naturally I couldn't stop myself from snickering in an extremely immature manner, and she pestered me until I told her about adding "in bed" to your fortune.

She said "Oh. OH. Ew. Well, I'm glad you didn't tell me that before my last fortune. It said 'be spontaneous'."

Monday, November 13, 2017

Shoot the Whole Month Down

This post came up in my Facebook memories today. It's slightly more comforting than depressing to be reminded that this is just what November is for me - less embracing than enduring. This is also about the time when I give up all pretense to witty and entertaining blog posts and start using this space as therapy, so let me just take a moment to thank you all. To everyone who shared weird and embarrassing incidents of missed appointments due to completely inexplicable time changes - thank-you. To Anonymous who encouraged me to start decluttering - thank-you (especially because seeing the tag Anonymous always makes me think I'm about to be offered penis enlargement or something). And to Hannah and Nicole, who have talked me down from one crisis or another repeatedly over the past week (because it turns out this is also, weirdly, becoming the part of November where my husband goes to Japan for two weeks and gets home on World Trivia Night) - all the thank-yous ever.

I was wandering around Loblaws today with my stupid list that had, like, five weird things on it (taco sauce, ranch dressing and Blistex do NOT constitute a meal plan, Last Week Allison!). In a wild stab at making Future Allison's life better, I bought a bunch of toothpaste and deodorant because they were on sale and it sucks when you run out of toothpaste or deodorant. Stay tuned for tomorrow when I'll probably run out of soap or laundry detergent.

In the interest of decluttering, the first thing I did was gather up all the bags of crap I already had sitting around - there is a time for figuring out what can be freecycled, and there is a time when stepping over the bags of books at the bottom of the stairs while I'm carrying a laundry basket ONE MORE TIME will send me over the freaking edge. So I loaded up the back of the car with books, clothes and shoes, went to lunch with some wonderful women and then let one of them take whatever she could use, hit Value Village on the way home and got rid of the rest. I have another bag started already. Right now I have to attack the kitchen carnage resulting from half-put-away groceries and cooking two dinners (found a roast that should have been cooked two days ago, stuck it in the slow cooker). I've been feeling that particular shame that comes from wasting food too often lately - trying to improve.

It's Angus's last volleyball final tomorrow. Naturally it's at some weird-ass hard-to-get-to school downtown tomorrow night. I'll be back tomorrow, either whining about how nervous I am before going or letting you know if I actually made it there.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Yep. It Happened.

Yesterday was the first time in .... (counts on fingers).... about nine years that I missed a day in NaBloPoMo.

Not for any really good reason. I slept in, did a few miles on the treadmill, did some reading, went out for a nice dinner for a friend's birthday. Didn't drink too much, got home before midnight. Got ready for bed and realized I hadn't posted. Went through the dumbest mental debate imaginable: Should I go down and post something? Just to say I posted? Even though I don't have anything to say really and it would literally be a couple of meaningless sentences? But posting every day is literally the point. But it's really an arbitrary thing, nothing really important rests on it.

So this might bother me for the rest of the month. This might mean NaBloPoMo is over for me. I don't know. I guess we'll see.

I desperately need to get a bunch of stuff out of the house. I feel buried under crap. There is disorder in almost every single direction I look (directly to the right in the family room isn't bad) - open floor plans are kind of a curse for this kind of thing. Why do I always have just a few more cans and jars than will fit in the cupboard? I was in a period where I just didn't see it for a while and now I can't stop seeing it and something must be done.

I went into Indigo to get a birthday present for my friend yesterday and managed not to buy any books. This is not in any way a heroic feat and yet right now it feels like a heroic feat.

It is cold but sunny, which Eve hates because she feels like the sun is mocking her. I like it, though, so I'm going to walk the dog and try to shake off this gloom.