BOLO -- too slow.

AGH! It's 12:02. I swore to myself I'd get my BOLO post up THE DAY AFTER. But I keep procrastinating. Because Zarah and the kids are leaving tomorrow and we're all sad, and we had to sit outside and drink grapefruit Woody's and read one last chapter of Harry Potter and the kids had to pile onto each other one last time and squirm around and scream that they were being squished and someone was farting on them, and we had to go Go-Karting and revel in how goofy we looked in our helmets. And we practically had to stage an Opening Ceremony for the coconut yogurt that Eve LOVES but I haven't been able to find at Farm Boy for MONTHS, and fortunately I bought two containers because she and Alex finished one before supper. It was so sweet how Alex, who was in the kitchen when I unpacked the grocery bags, saw the container and immediately asked if he could take it upstairs to show Eve. Followed shortly by loud, excited shrieks from upstairs (yeah, we don't get out much).

Also, I don't know what to write about BOLO. I am aces at being a smart-ass and crappy at expressing sincere emotion, and it was such a magical, warm, transformative experience that I don't even know where to start. It might actually be indescribable. Which is a pain in the ass for the purposes of this post in which I should be attempting to, you know, DESCRIBE it.

It was also a real worlds-colliding experience for me. Zarah, who I met in university (and who knows where a lot of the bodies are buried), came with me. Patti, who I've known since high school (and who is such a remarkable woman I can't even tell you, just read her blog once and then try to stop), came just to hear me read even though she hadn't seen her family for a week and they were getting home last night (well, the night before - AGH). Pam, who I met three years ago when her daughter was in my daughter's class (and who has been helping keep me sane and relatively unscathed ever since) drove, so I could placate my nerves with tequila. Julie, who I met a year and a half ago through blogging and World Trivia Night (and who took me to Montreal for a day to cure my phobia) was there, and Debbie, Sharon and Carolyn (who -- forget it for now, they really need their own post) from my book club came, because I mentioned the event, and that I would be reading, at our meeting last month. I couldn't really believe they were there - I kept pinching them until Sharon threatened to flatten me.

I often feel like an underachiever. I don't mean that in an annoying, false modesty, please-tell-me-I'm wrong way. I know I'm a pretty good mother, and a really good friend, and a not-terrible wife, and I'm reasonably intelligent and kind. But I'm also terminally anxious and self-doubting and prone to depression and maybe on the lazy side. I try not to overload myself, because I get scared that if I do I'll crash and the recovery will be harder on my family than the overloading is worth. I've made a kind of peace with this, but still, I always feel like I should be doing more. But last night (the night before - AGH) I stepped out of my comfort zone -- except I didn't, because when I looked across the room at that table full of amazing women, it would have just been stupid not to feel comfortable.

I read it. I rocked it. Those women had my back - that means I must be doing something right.

Oops, this turned into a post All About Me. Great. Another BOLO post tomorrow - well that's okay, it will still only be two days after.