Friday, July 8, 2011

BOLO -- too slow.

AGH! It's 12:02. I swore to myself I'd get my BOLO post up THE DAY AFTER. But I keep procrastinating. Because Zarah and the kids are leaving tomorrow and we're all sad, and we had to sit outside and drink grapefruit Woody's and read one last chapter of Harry Potter and the kids had to pile onto each other one last time and squirm around and scream that they were being squished and someone was farting on them, and we had to go Go-Karting and revel in how goofy we looked in our helmets. And we practically had to stage an Opening Ceremony for the coconut yogurt that Eve LOVES but I haven't been able to find at Farm Boy for MONTHS, and fortunately I bought two containers because she and Alex finished one before supper. It was so sweet how Alex, who was in the kitchen when I unpacked the grocery bags, saw the container and immediately asked if he could take it upstairs to show Eve. Followed shortly by loud, excited shrieks from upstairs (yeah, we don't get out much).

Also, I don't know what to write about BOLO. I am aces at being a smart-ass and crappy at expressing sincere emotion, and it was such a magical, warm, transformative experience that I don't even know where to start. It might actually be indescribable. Which is a pain in the ass for the purposes of this post in which I should be attempting to, you know, DESCRIBE it.

It was also a real worlds-colliding experience for me. Zarah, who I met in university (and who knows where a lot of the bodies are buried), came with me. Patti, who I've known since high school (and who is such a remarkable woman I can't even tell you, just read her blog once and then try to stop), came just to hear me read even though she hadn't seen her family for a week and they were getting home last night (well, the night before - AGH). Pam, who I met three years ago when her daughter was in my daughter's class (and who has been helping keep me sane and relatively unscathed ever since) drove, so I could placate my nerves with tequila. Julie, who I met a year and a half ago through blogging and World Trivia Night (and who took me to Montreal for a day to cure my phobia) was there, and Debbie, Sharon and Carolyn (who -- forget it for now, they really need their own post) from my book club came, because I mentioned the event, and that I would be reading, at our meeting last month. I couldn't really believe they were there - I kept pinching them until Sharon threatened to flatten me.

I often feel like an underachiever. I don't mean that in an annoying, false modesty, please-tell-me-I'm wrong way. I know I'm a pretty good mother, and a really good friend, and a not-terrible wife, and I'm reasonably intelligent and kind. But I'm also terminally anxious and self-doubting and prone to depression and maybe on the lazy side. I try not to overload myself, because I get scared that if I do I'll crash and the recovery will be harder on my family than the overloading is worth. I've made a kind of peace with this, but still, I always feel like I should be doing more. But last night (the night before - AGH) I stepped out of my comfort zone -- except I didn't, because when I looked across the room at that table full of amazing women, it would have just been stupid not to feel comfortable.

I read it. I rocked it. Those women had my back - that means I must be doing something right.

Oops, this turned into a post All About Me. Great. Another BOLO post tomorrow - well that's okay, it will still only be two days after.

11 comments:

Julie said...

You definitely rocked it my friend. Proud of you!

Lynn said...

You were awesome! I was so proud of you, you were so confident (or at least fake-confident) at the mike and a dynamic reader.

I totally wanted to meet Patti. I have such a girl crush on her from her blog. I noticed her sitting with you about 3/4 of the way through the evening but then I got all weird and tongue-tied and fangirl and I just couldn't bring myself to come over and say hello. Sigh.

Next time, you will have to introduce us (and then carry the entire conversation as I stand there making weird awkward faces and trying to remember my name).

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I have no doubt you rocked it! (AGH, I live so far away) You have an Awesome circle of friends. Raising an Awesome big brother there too : )

Finola said...

You did rock it!!
And if I weren't so anxious and lazy, I might have gotten out of my chair for longer and tried to chat with you more, because I would have liked that.

Nicole said...

That sounds fabulous, and your friends sound great too!

What KIND of coconut yogurt? Is it the Liberte? Because it does rock.

The Maven said...

Um, yeah. I'd say you more than rocked it. I'd say you totally kicked ass. You're one hilarious chick. So glad I got to hear you! :)

Patti said...

You know, Allison, your post was SUPPOSED to be all about you and then you made it all about us.

I'm so proud of you. You shone and entranced us. Freakin-A!

And Lynn, I would have loved to have met you, but lower your expectations. I'm better in print than in person. ;) Any friend of Allison's is a friend of mine.

Lynn, you did a fantastic job of BOLO. What a community of writers. It blows my mind. And maybe I can get my shit next year and make a submission before the deadline. :)

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

Buy steroids!! Oh sorry, got distracted by all the spam comments. :)

Glad you stepped out of your comfort zone. Too bad there's no video.

Amber said...

I'm sure you totally rocked it. Takes huge guts to do it, the mere thought of even showing up to do something like that makes me a little sick.

lilbunnyrabbitz said...

You did rock it!! It was so awesome to discover you at BOLO... :)

Amber said...

Aw, I'm so glad it was a great experience.

And this is your blog. You're totally allowed to make it all about you.