Hey! Hi

 In the last couple weeks we moved Eve out of her student house and home, went to Charlotte and Atlanta, and had my sister and brother-in-law here for the long weekend. Somewhere in there I got a cold, probably from Eve, which she said was pretty mild, and I guess it has been, but it has also hung on for-freaking-ever, and Sunday I had such an apocalyptic headache I almost woke Matt up to take me to the hospital because I thought something was surely about to burst.

Anyway. A lot of good stuff has happened and also I am exhausted (as I would be from traveling and peopling anyway) and possibly now have a sinus infection and haven't blogged for (counts on fingers) FIFTEEN DAYS. Which at least allowed Swistle to find the Spinach Cheese Square recipe, so, silver linings.

The going to the U.S. thing is pinging around in my head a lot. I posted one picture of Angus and Eve together without saying where it was, which feels dishonest, and now I think I should probably/maybe confess on Facebook so people can unfriend me if they feel they must. Some people are resolutely not going at all for the next three and a half years, and they go often so I know it's a sacrifice, which I respect. Some people have very self-righteously declared that they won't be going 'even though they have close family and friends there', when I know for a fact they have rarely, if ever, crossed the border, so that feels a little more performative, but still fair. 

It would be a sacrifice to only see Angus once a year when he can come home at Christmas. A sacrifice, as it turns out, that I am not willing to make. He's my kid. Who knows how much time we have left? (I made this argument to a friend on messenger and she pointed out that she had not said anything remotely critical, and I said "I know, I'm having a fight with myself") Did I leverage a massive amount of white privilege? Yes I did. I am not proud, and yet I can't quite regret it either. Goddammit, having principles is difficult. 

Monday was a holiday, so I have no new Aurora news to report. I will post a few pictures of Downton Abbey text exchanges I have had with people who watched years ago and still good-humouredly put up with me live-texting my watch. Also I often text the wrong person because ADHD brain, so that's always fun for them.


Also, the scene that was made for our family:

Comments

Nicole said…
As I've already said, it feels untenable for you not to see Angus for four years. And then what if (I know, I know, this is terrible but) things don't change four years from now, are you just never going to go to see him indefinitely? Of course not, that would be ridiculous. If you can, you should. What I'm saying is I support you.
I love Downton Abbey! It's one of my all-time favourite shows.
Sasha said…
1) Thank you for bringing snippets of Dame Maggie Smith back into my life. That role was made for her!

2) To be fair to the mediocre white man, he was in Germany to get a divorce so that he could marry Edith, wasn't he? Isn't that romantic? He wanted to divorce his mentallly ill wife who was in an institution so that... never mind.

3) I will not travel to the US during this regime, but all I'm giving up is taking kid2 to see VanGogh's Starry Night IRL and I'm pretty sure it will be there when all of this is behind us. Although saying that right after a point about Nazi Germany makes me think twice about that. But whatever - I would never judge anyone for going (although I might worry about them more while they're there). I also can't say that I see a willingness to "sacrifice" family for your principles is a particular virtue. Am I judging now? Is there a "judgement paradox" the same way that there's a "paradox of tolerance". I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader.
4) Tom will forever be linked with Reggie in my mind now. And yes, I've seen interviews with that actor and the one that plays ... FML what's Sybils' husband's name? Isn't he also Tom? Is it Thomas and Tom? How did I never notice this??? Now I really need to go back and watch it all again. But whatever, they're like, best buds IRL. I think.
Anonymous said…
I don't know if this is helpful, but recently I was thinking back to pandemic days and the whole bubble concept, and then there was lots of interpretation / judgment / decision-making to be done about who was in your bubble, and who was it OK to see. Our daughter went away to university in 2020, and there was no way I would not have seen her - as far as I was concerned, she was in our bubble. We tightened up our lives / kept our other contacts to an absolute minimum, but we would always, always see her and, honestly, I never felt guilty about it. Like I say, it's not exactly the same, but maybe similar? We haven't gone to the States since the first Trump presidency, when it became clear it was (is) an unsafe place for our daughter. We won't go again until that has changed ... but even this decision is all about her, so if I had a child there, that would likely change everything.
Tudor said…
Sorry - the above comment is me. I didn't mean to comment anonymously (didn't even know I could!)
StephLove said…
I don't judge you for visiting Angus. He's your boy. And four years (crossing my fingers it's just four years) is a long time.

I do worry, though, when my friends from outside the U.S. come here (even white middle class Canadians-- similar people have been detained). And I also worry when my U.S. friends leave the country and try to re-enter. I worry for ANYONE traveling across the U.S. border in either direction. Things are so awful now. But my mom traveled to France in April and came back and my sister and her family went to China in March and came back. I understand choosing to keep living your life.
Pat said…
Love Downton so much! Of course you should visit your son and if people judge you - well who cares anyway. Every situation is different and we are allowed to make our own choices. We are going on an Alaskan cruise next month. It’s been planned for some time and cost plenty of $$$. We normally go to Hilton Head to golf in November but that won’t be happening. Two different situations! And I am ok with both choices.
NGS said…
I think you should come to the United States - I've heard Wisconsin is lovely in the months of May, June, September, and October. I do worry about the border crossing, though. *Sigh*
maya said…
Kids are not part of the politics equation. If people judge you for visiting your kid, that's on them. It's not like you're visiting Disneyland!
Bibliomama said…
I appreciate your support. Downton Abbey rules and I don't know why it took me so long.
Bibliomama said…
Absolutely it was very romantic, and I was quite distressed when he went missing. It was just very misguided, although he wasn't to know about the brownshirts without the benefit of our perspective.
Thomas and Tom (never noticed that either) were both really great characters.
Bibliomama said…
That is helpful. I think I sort of admire people who can be unwavering in principled stances, but I'm not sure I could ever be one. And yeah, my kids is pretty much where the wiggle room is going to have to come in.
Bibliomama said…
I worry too. There are some really petty people with a disproportionate amount of power.
Bibliomama said…
That makes absolute sense. I think I was more preoccupied with figuring out if I was okay with it myself than if people would judge me - everyone here has been extremely kind.
Bibliomama said…
I would not have said this a few years ago, but Wisconsin is definitely now on my list.
Bibliomama said…
You're so kind, Maya (this I knew already).
Swistle said…
I agree with Steph (no judgment, only worry), and with Maya (kids are not part of this equation). It even took me a moment to understand why anyone would judge you for going to the U.S., because I was so distracted by the sudden rush of adrenaline at the idea that you might come here and not be able to get back. (If you get detained on the U.S. side, CALL ME and I will come to you. I can't do anything except cry and scream, BUT I DO IT WELL. Also, I have my emergency $20 and a granola bar and a water bottle and a mini first-aid kit and lots of extra fast-food napkins and a back-up battery if your phone uses a USB-C cable.)

I think with "voting with our dollars" issues, it works best when we all do it in the ways that make sense for our own personal situations. Obviously it doesn't work for someone not to see their own child for years, in order to vote with their dollars: it's not WORTH it, and hurts YOU so much more than it hurts the entity that needs to be affected by the dollar-voting. If one person isn't doing a certain type of dollars-voting, it's not going to make a substantial difference in the effects of that dollars-voting, whereas "not seeing your child" is going to make AN ENORMOUS SUBSTANTIAL DIFFERENCE.

Anyway. I super enjoyed reading all the Downton Abbey texts!!
J said…
LOL on the Downton Abbey. We own the DVDs because we got them before streaming was such a thing and I adore watching them. I’ve seen them all SO MANY TIMES and never get tired of it. Have you finished the series now, and the films as well? There’s a new one coming out at some point, so get on that if you haven’t.

Regarding coming to the US to see your son, I agree with everyone else, of COURSE you’re not going to not see your child. DON’T LET THESE MOTHERFUCKERS STEAL YOUR JOY. (Sorry if you don’t swear, that was rude, but important.) Giving up a vacation is one thing and shitty enough, but there’s no way I would not go see my child. I’d go see her if she were in North Korea. I mean, I’d try to get her OUT if she were in North Korea.

Popular posts from this blog

Blog Jeopardy

Super Dark Times

Book Review: Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner