D is for Decrapifying, Or, My Lips Feel Weird
After my migrainey Saturday I decided that I was going to take Sunday off to read and rest my back and head. So I woke up, went into the bathroom to shower, decided to do a quick face mask, and while I was waiting for the face mask to set, started cleaning out my makeup drawer.
What have I become?
As usual, I forgot to take a before picture of the drawer in its overflowing state. This is the insert I use - I got the idea from my sister to use a utensil sorter.
My sister, being the clever, well-organized, smartypants pharmacist that she is, has probably never started cleaning hers out and thought "oh, how cute, there's an etching of a spoon on one of the sections, I never noticed that", and then realized it was a paper cutout that she forgot to remove before using it.
On the plus side, that section was shiny clean once I pulled up the paper.
So I spent a good part of the morning trying out various beauty products of dubious provenance, some from bygone eras. Stuff I bought on a whim, stuff I got from my ill-considered foray into the world of the Ipsy bag, stuff I got as ridiculous little samples when I bought other stuff, and, much like when I buy bagged salads, should have transferred directly from the shopping bag into the garbage, but didn't.
You guys, there were SO MANY lipsticks in there. You know how many I use? One (Revlon Superstar Brown). Very rarely, two (Va Va Violet), and on extremely rare occasions, a third (Ariana Grande REM Beauty Twilight, because LOOK, IT LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE SPACE CAPSULE THINGY WITH AN ASTRONAUT FACEPLATE), and Eve and I were in the states giddy with the non-Canadian beauty product possibilities.
I had actually forgotten about this one. The drawer clean-up yielded a few treasures of this ilk. Years and years ago I bought these tiny hair clips that were the exact right size and configuration to hold the sides of my hair up. As soon as I realized how perfect they were, I tried to buy more, but of course (like the mints, and Crabtree and Evelyn's Goat Milk soap and lotion, and my Docs with zippers) they were now unobtainable. I used them one by one - the cool colours, like green and blue and red, and then the less desirable ones, like purple - until they were toothless and sad.
But look! I unearthed two more that are almost fully intact!
(Don't say I'm just postponing the inevitable, postponing the inevitable is like seventy-five percent of my life, it is a NOBLE PURSUIT I say).
I was happy to find these toothpaste tabs and lip balm with sunscreen, chiefly because I could put them downstairs in the camping bin and not have to decide where to move them in the makeup drawer.
|Why do I always think I'm going to like creamy liquid lipstick? I never do. Never.|
|Smelled like old crayons|
I spent so many minutes squinting at the tiny writing on the sides of pencils trying to determine whether they were for my eyes or my lips. Can you see what this one says?
IT LITERALLY JUST SAYS CREME GEL LINER. Put it wherever the fuck you want, I guess.
Pretty sure I bought this one before I had kids, *shudder*. Also, it's called Flesh, which is racist and also kind of gross.
From Urban Decay, called Roach - clearly I strutted into Sephora that day thinking I was just a little edgier than I actually am.
I don't even wear eye shadow. Why would I wear eye shadow that's nude, aka the exact colour of my eyelid already? Must have been the packaging, but
Okay. And whew, you know what I really needed after trying on twenty-seven antique lipsticks?
A sugar lip scrub.
I can't decide if this was more or less traumatizing than the Great Cracker Cupboard Purge of 2011.
I need to clean out my drawer but it's not in too bad of shape because I have done it in the last year. Here's why: before the pandemic L'Oreal discontinued my fave lip product in my fave shade. So I did that thing where you try so many products just to make up for it, and of course none of them were right. So I had a little drawer FULL of lipsticks and glosses that I used ONCE because none of them looked good - oh, and by this time it was the pandemic, so you couldn't even put a sample on your wrist to see the true colour. I ended up putting like 10 lipsticks on the buy nothing group, and someone did take them. Which, huh. But whatever, it was glorious.
Because this comment is a journey, I have to say that I've since found a lipstick to replace the old L'Oreal one and it's not perfect but it's pretty great.
I do not wear lipstick (I look stupid in it), but I have as many mascaras as you do lipsticks. I am incapable of resisting them and their ridiculous promises of mile-long thick-but-not-cakey butterfly wing lashes.
The end result looks amazing. Hope you find more of those little hair clips.
"Put it wherever the fuck you want, I guess." That would be marketing genius!
Isn't it so fun now when you open the drawer and like (almost all, because we are all idiots) everything in there?