Monday, November 3, 2014

Chicken Soup for the Cranky Sleep-Deprived Soul

I went to bed early last night to start my solo-parenting stretch with enough sleep. At 6:30 I felt like the day had gone on forever, and I took a sleeping pill, so I figured eleven wasn't an unreasonable time to expect my body to cooperate.

Have I mentioned my body is kind of an asshole?

So this morning I dragged my ass out of bed after not nearly enough sleep, and instead of seven feeling like eight it felt like five, and packed lunches and got ready to go to the gym and grocery store with Pam. I was sleepy and stuffy and dopey and I did not feel good at all.

We went to the gym (third time in a row with no excuses obstacles or unforeseeable events preventing us from getting there). We walked on the treadmill. We watched that debt show that's almost as good as I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant for snarky schadenfreude ("We can hardly pay our rent and we buy a new turnip dehydrator every season and I only wear silk and we never do our taxes, but we're half a million in debt? HUGE surprise!"). We did weights, even the ones we don't usually do and we have to read the instructions and keep doing them wrong.

We went down to the grocery store and I told Pam to remind me that I had to get chicken soup for Angus because it wasn't on my list. We backtracked several times because we forgot that mascarpone would be with the fancy cheese, not the Cracker Barrel in the last aisle, and I didn't believe Pam about where the pineapple was (sorry Pam) and then we saw the bakery wall of doughnuts that was self-serve. I thought to myself "Angus is home sick" and I thought to myself "Eve is so sweet and helpful when Matt's away", and I thought to myself  "consoling and/or rewarding your kids with food is a recipe for disaster" and then I thought to myself "don't be such a judgy bitch" and bought them each a cookies and cream doughnut for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON.

Pam and I agreed that it would have been better if we had never noticed the bakery wall of self-serve doughnuts. On the plus side, we do both have very bad memories. For example, I still forgot the fucking chicken soup, and Pam forgot to remind me. So she took me to the drug store on the way home, for chicken soup AND Angus's prescription, which I managed to remember was there.

Our check-out girl at the grocery store was hilarious - she gave me a plastic bag for the doughnuts, and then while I was trying to bag the rest of my stuff and Pam's, every time there was a bread item she would bark "pastry bag!" so I had to bag all of our bread together even though we were going to different houses - okay, she was hilarious AND a little scary.

I bought a poppy and stuck it on my gym bag, because I am patriotic, but I never wear a damned coat. I've already poked myself in the side and the leg while swinging the bag around. Also, in a few weeks when I'm wondering where the hell the restaurant gift cards that I bought Angus for Christmas went, somebody remind them they're in my gym bag, kay?

Our check-out guy at the Bulk Barn was funny too. And we noticed that we were getting a really good return-smile ratio for all the people we smiled at. And I got home and drank some green juice and it wasn't too gingery, which it sometimes is.

And I feel pretty good.


7 comments:

Nicole said...

I lose poppies like there is no tomorrow. I always do wear a coat, and I do believe in wearing poppies, but I LOSE THEM SO MUCH. This year I'm putting my poppy on with a Canadian flag pin, that has a back and everything, and I feel weird about it because you're not supposed to change the poppy, but it's with a flag so maybe it's okay? I'm TRYING.

slow panic said...

now i want some chicken soup........ ok i really want some doughnuts and/or cookies.......

Sarah said...

Here's to feeling pretty good!

Pam said...

Thanks for getting me out of my stupidfuckinovember funk this morning. You are my favourite thing about Mondays. Being able to sweat with you, laugh at people AND get a maple bacon donut pretty well took all the suckiness out of my day. You are a goddess.

Jenny Woolf said...

I got neuralgia last night and didn't get a wink of sleep till it was getting up time...groan...

Hannah said...

Have you seen the bracelets they're offering this year? Two for $5, NO PINS. On the one hand I feel like an asshole for complaining about the pins, because jesus, what our brave service men & women go through makes a little pin-prick look like a mother's kiss, but on the other hand PINS OUCH and also I lose them.

So this year I might try the bracelet.

clara said...

You and Pam are like a better, more swearing-er Oprah and Gayle.

Also I think PASTRY BAG should become a secret code for something but it's up to you what.