Who's the Nuttiest of Them All?

I was just emailing one of the commenters from yesterday's post saying that I wish people didn't have to feel like they have to say "my anxiety isn't as bad as yours" when talking about their anxiety. I really don't think I'm the Queen of Anxiety. I'm not the anxiousest in the land. But also, wtf is up with all the anxiety? Is it the genetically engineered corn? Is it a by-product of people idling their cars? Is Dr. Doofenshmirtz blasting us all with an Anxiety-inator?

Everyone in the Tri-State area will henceforth weep with agonized indecision when asked 'paper or plastic?'

For me right now, transitions are especially bad. I changed clothes five times trying to get out of the house to go to the school. Then I went to the portable which is Eve's classroom but the teacher wasn't there. By the time I found the correct room, I was sweaty and breathless and ready to burst into tears. But once I was in the room, I was totally fine. Of course, the fact that the main message was "tell Eve to keep being awesome" didn't hurt, but even if there were issues I think I would have been okay. I just can't get myself from 'at home making soup' to 'at school talking to teachers and helping at book fair' without much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. 

The book fair was fine - fun, even. I knew most of the people I was working with, except one woman who was blonde and pretty and very nice but didn't quite get me, and I felt bad that I kept making her sort of freak out. I started filling out an order form and I did it at the top instead of the bottom which was not correct but also not the end of the world, but she was blushing and hyperventilating trying to point out my mistake and she kept saying "I'm sorry", so I patted her on the shoulder and said "it's fine. And believe me, this won't be the last time tonight that you have to tell me YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG",  but that didn't seem to help. She didn't stay long after that - I'm hoping that was planned and that I didn't scare her away.

Most people were incredibly nice, even when there was a line-up or we screwed up with the credit/debit machine. Then there was one woman. I was doing pretty well with the adding stuff up in my head, but it was late in the night and I was tired. Generally, I would tell people the total, they would give me some money and I would do the "13.50, fourteen, fifteen, and five is twenty" while counting their change out of the box. This woman did that thing where it was six-fifty and she gave me a twenty and then five dimes. And.... I was lost. I knew it should be simple, but my brain seized up and I was too embarrassed to use the calculator, and so I tried counting the change out. She just looked at me, so I said "did I do that right?" and she said "No. It was six-fifty and I gave you twenty-fifty and you gave me thirteen." And then just looked at me some more. Until I said "You need fourteen?" And she said "Yes." So I gave her another loonie and an unvoiced wish that her eyebrows would be infested with public lice because wtf? She needed to dispense a little humiliation instead of just asking nicely for another dollar? She's lucky I didn't take her out with a moustache eraser.


I picked up the kids from my Mom and Dad's and we went home. Eve babbled at me for a bit, and then I explained that I'd been at the book fair all evening and I really needed some no-talking time, so she kissed me on the cheek and went upstairs. She came down a while later and said "I was thinking it was about six o'clock, and then I wondered why my eyes were closing and I really wanted a hug from you and I realized it's NINE." So she crawled into Matt's spot with her Fuzzy over her head and went to sleep and I came to bed and it was the first time she slept with me while I had my CPAP mask on and lasted all night. So that was nice.