I Think I've Sprained my Mind

I'm kind of a mess. I don't really know why. Well, because I'm neurotic and obsessive and delusional and incapable of appreciating what is by all accounts a very nice life, that's the short answer.

Eve and I just played a duet on the piano. We've been away a lot and piano practice has fallen by the wayside so we've been picking it up the last few days. Today she brushed up one of her old songs and then I learned the instructor's accompaniment and we played a duet. It was lovely.

That's...what? Like, probably six minutes of quality time.

Other than that I've been useless to my children today. No -- worse than useless. Angus asked me to rent The Tooth Fairy on itunes and (sob) I did. I didn't even argue. I didn't even point out that it got a 17% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and that clearly there is something so monstrously wrong about trying to convey the obvious truth that children should be allowed to have dreams and believe in themselves by putting The Rock in a pair of sparkly wings and having him spout some cheesy dialogue.... I just don't have the energy. And what the hell is up with that. It's summer! No school! No housework! (what? You do housework in the summer?) We're up to our ass in fresh organic fruits and vegetables from the farm lady down the road. Why am I not leaping from my bed in the morning bright-eyed and singing about buttercups and shit? Well, partly because we took the kids to the beach yesterday and it was blissful, they built sandcastles together and Angus decided to be amused rather than annoyed by Eve's exuberance, and we played ball in the water which was hilarious because the wind was so strong and the ball was so light that every time someone missed it it would immediately sail jauntily away at an alarming clip and we would have to swim a marathon to get it back -- and so today I can't so much lift my arms above waist level or move my head from side to side (and I tend to nod when people are talking -- NOT GOOD). And then, Angus's baseball team is in the District play-offs and after being undefeated for the last ten games LOST the crucial first game and if they lose again they won't be going to Provincials, which I've assured Angus is TOTALLY FINE, they've played really well and all they have to do is do their best -- and now I can't even sit and watch them play because I constantly feel like I'm going to throw up and when Angus comes up to bat I have to get up and walk away because I feel like I'm going to faint. And if they lose, I'm going to be devastated. Because they won't be going to Provincials -- in Timmins, for crying out loud. Who has ever cried over not getting to go to Timmins?

And then I went grocery shopping today. Which is a little fraught, because even though I said it was okay for Angus to play for and Matt to coach the competitive team, even knowing it would be a ludicrous amount of practice time, the fact that we've had supper as a family maybe three times this entire summer does sort of bother me. And by bother me, I mean surgically remove my desire to cook. I don't mean we're eating a lot of fast food. I do mean sometimes we ONLY have corn on the cob for supper. Or cheese. And eggs are really not just for breakfast any more. And we had no food left in the house so I went shopping. And I went to Loblaws instead of Farm Boy because we needed a few (ahem) items that Farm Boy doesn't carry. Like masking tape and light bulbs and Thinsations Chocolate Covered Pretzels. But then every damned box of processed hydrogenated edible-oil-product icing-filled I-never-buy-this-except-when-it's-on-sale thing WAS ON SALE. And what do you do in the battle between 'it's summer and my healthy active kids deserve a treat' and 'in our house we don't eat food that has a half-life of four centuries'? You just decide one way or the other and go about your business? Do you? Because I prefer to walk up and down the aisles putting boxes in my cart and then taking them out again or holding them while reading the ingredients and weeping openly until strangers stop and ask me if I'm okay or if I should possibly speed-dial my therapist while they hold my car keys.

Happily, my kids don't take that junk for granted. While I was unpacking the bags, Eve stood there staring with her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. Then she made a list of all of it and closed her eyes and waved her finger over it ouija-board style to pick what she was going to have for dessert. Then she picked this, which is basically frozen applesauce. If she could drive, I would totally be making her do all the grocery shopping from now on. Don't shop hungry, people. Or crazy.


Lynn said…
Oh Allison, I just want to give you a big hug! I saw your comment over at Pam's blog so I know you know she had a similar day. I did too -- we watched The Little Mermaid about six times last week, and then I let the kids forage for their own dinner. Just put it all at toddler level, and let them have at it, I say!

You aren't alone :).
Pam said…
I do believe the proper treatment for a sprained mind is an ice cream brain-freeze. Anyway, I think there is SOMETHING in the air today. Or maybe the moon is full. Or maybe some higher power is messin' with us wee happy mortals. I declare today a write-off and all impulse shopping / retail therapy is totally permitted. I think I need sleep.

Yep, you said it Lynn - you are not alone. Hugs. xoxo
Unknown said…
cheese? for dinner? just cheese? :) We've all been there and when I saw this in my reader: "Well, because I'm neurotic and obsessive and delusional and incapable of appreciating what is by all accounts a very nice life, that's the short answer." I just had to stop by... that's my life's motto... or quote...

Can I steal it and have it printed out in pretty script font to stick above my headboard?

Yes... we've all been there! I'm just like you about putting things in my basket and then taking them out later. I don't put them back where I got them though... I make sure those Kroger workers have something to do.
Amber said…
Glad I'm not the only one, I had a shit day today. Ignored the kids as best I could and ate a pint of ice cream for lunch and a bottle of wine for dinner. Seriously, it was one of the worst days all summer and all I could think was, "what is wrong with me? it is summer, shouldn't I be happy about all the tomatoes we just picked?"
Shan said…
I find things are like that around here when my husband has a full week of meetings. Things just sort of slide. You are certainly not the only one.
Anonymous said…
I came home from the grocery store today with bags full of crap. This is not the sort of thing I normally buy. I think summer has this kind of effect on people, where your life is out of rhythm and it's really hard to pull it all together.
You have me a little scared about my grocery shop tomorrow. As if I wasn't already psyching myself up for it already. I kind of wish I could call it quits on the grocery run.
Julie said…
i went to metro (which I never do!) because they had icecream treats on sale. i NEVER buy those. now the hubby is using them as bribes to get the jellybean to eat supper. it's a slippery slope and i am not looking forward to hitting the rocking bottom of it.

astro boy is my best friend.
Anonymous said…
see its not the sweet things that get me, its the salty greasy things. and shopping hungry totally makes me come home with all the fixings to make poutine. i'm a whore to gravy!
Mary Lynn said…
I love eggs for dinner.

Yesterday was just generally a bad day. I was emotional and cranky all day long yesterday for various reasons and may have even made a complete fool of myself a couple of times around people who were not, sadly enough, strangers. How about we all just agree that yesterday never happened. Sound good?
Betsy B. Honest said…
I have to pay a lady to sit at least some of my kids while I go to the grocery store. And as it turns out -- grocery shopping is my big outing for the week. Isn't that sad? It really is. But oddly, when hubby offers to do the grocery shopping instead so I can go for a run with the dog instead of to the grocery store, I get all snarly and like, "back off my turf". Well, obviously, it's because he'd do it all wrong and just come back with yams he found in obscene and/or hilarious shapes. Then we'd have to have just yams for dinner, which would probably be fine with the baby but my four-year old would deafen me with complaint shrieking. I'm rambling.
Kelly Miller said…
A few will-never-degrade treats never hurt anyone. Hope your brain feels better soon!
Ninja Mom said…
Everything you wrote about in this post speaks to me, girlfriend. Especially the part about feeling so lazy about making dinner (or any other meal for that matter). I think I'm becoming allergic to making meals. I just want to eat, dammit! I don't want to have to cook it too!
If you can't shop while crazy, when can you shop?!

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