Monday, June 7, 2010

In your dreams

I used to have very elaborate, vivid dreams on a regular basis. They were mostly quite entertaining, except for the ones that made me feel like I was going to die or wake up with various organs in the wrong place. I often knew I was dreaming, and the only time this would be bothersome was when I was trying to wake myself up and instead ended up surfacing through several layers of dream, like continuously changing tv channels -- I'd keep closing my eyes and opening them and seeing some damned fifties living room arm chair and lamp or battle arena instead of my bedroom. I would write these down and let my husband read them and he would say they could be made into Batman movies. I can still remember some of them very clearly, without reading the written accounts. There's one image of a burned, blind man weeping on a long stone staircase with his face in his hands that I can't shake. Also, standing humiliated on a public street while a policeman cites me for improper grooming, even though I explained that I spent hours on my hair -- that one still stings.

Since I had the kids, I don't seem to have or remember those types of dreams. What I wake up with are remnants -- words, phrases, scraps of music, feelings that aren't connected to anything that happened the day before. After humming the same six notes in the shower over and over sometimes I have to go turn on some other music to chase them away. Often I have to look up definitions of words that are floating indelibly in my mind -- once it was trocar (' A sharp-pointed surgical instrument, used with a cannula to puncture a body cavity for fluid aspiration'.) More recently, hemolytic converter (hemolytic has something to do with the destruction of red blood cells, and it's not usually used in conjunction with the word converter -- maybe I was trying to invent one?)

I find this sort of fascinating. I know, I know, it's really just junk that my subconscious is throwing into the garbage disposal of my dreams. But I like to think that maybe my dreaming self is different from my waking self. Maybe she's physician or research scientist material. Maybe she gazes unflinchingly into the mysteries of the human body, wielding her trocar fearlessly.

I've never been a big one for dream interpretation -- I've read some of the Freudian stuff and it seemed laughable. Sometimes the underlying meaning won't allow me not to see it, though. When I had stopped going to church and was struggling with the whole crisis of faith thing, I kept having one of those dreams where I realize I've been going to school for a term but missed one entire class, which means a zero on my record, which if you know anything about me you understand is a REALLY BAD THING. After I had the dream several times, I finally figured out what the class was. It was religion. Very subtle, subconscious.

10 comments:

Amber said...

I also used to have very elaborate and vivid dreams. Maybe I still do, but I don't remember them anymore. These children, they messed up my sleep but good.

As for my dreaming self, she's pretty bad-ass. She battles bad guys and wins. Don't take her on, trust me on that.

The Mayor! said...

Mine were sooo vivid while pregnant...& still seemingly when hormonal. Not sure why! But I really choose not to delve in to their meaning too much, I'm screwed up enough already!!

SO, I really need to hear YOUR thoughts on my post today...cause I KNOW you'll have some hahahahahahaha!! :-D

Betsy B. Honest said...

Yeah, I used to keep a dream journal and would remember long elaborate dreams before I had kids too. Now I've been meaning to start a baby book for my second kid but haven't quite gotten to it.

I used to be plagued by recurring work-mares. They weren't awful, they were just boring, and I wasn't getting paid for them. So I read up on how to control the direction of your dreams and it totally works. You just kind of tell yourself you are in control.

Now I dream often that I disover all these unplanted, untended garden beds with rich black soil in my black yard, and I'm like, when am I gonna plant all these beds? A friend of mine told me those dreams are about my wasted potential. Aha! No doubt!

Pamela said...

I used to have really vivid dreams too. There are a few dreams I had years ago, back in grade school that were so "real" I still remember them to this day. I also notice that a large chunk of them seem to take place in the town where I grew up. Kind of eerie that my subconscious can't let go of my childhood.

Dalia - Gen X Mom said...

I always say I am going to keep a notebook next to my bed for dreams. It only takes seconds of being awake for them to go away.

Julie said...

when i was pregnant i had some pretty wacky dreams. now, i don't remember anything. kind of boring isn't it.

i lvoe how tidbits of your dreams stick wih you. especially words. it just goes to show you how much you love words in any shape or form.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I seem to remember very convoluted dreams or nothing at all. The one that drives me most crazy though is when I was having problems with my oldest child and my brother, who had similar problems came to me and told me everything I needed to know to help her make it. In the morning I couldn't remember a word. I wanted to cry.

Tracy said...

I used to have many odd dreams but now, with lack of sleep....I don't think I get much of a chance. I do remember one I had recently though. it had to do with a man who was standing in front of me. He didn't speak, he just wrote his name down on a piece of paper. That's about it...crazy weird.

btw...
I am dropping over to present you with an award! You can swing by and pick it up when you get a chance :O)
http://thedailymomdiaries.blogspot.com/2010/06/thanks-you-guys-you-are-awesome.html
Take care,
Tracy

SuziCate said...

A policeman cited you for improper grooming,hahaha, I can't believe youd reamed that! I think your dreams are evn crazier tha mine. Problem is I can't even remember mine anymore...I wake up thinking, wow, that was weird and then I have no idea what I thought was weird-either I'm going crazy ior getting old or maybe both!

SuziCate said...

A policeman cited you for improper grooming,hahaha, I can't believe youd reamed that! I think your dreams are evn crazier tha mine. Problem is I can't even remember mine anymore...I wake up thinking, wow, that was weird and then I have no idea what I thought was weird-either I'm going crazy ior getting old or maybe both!