Friday, June 18, 2010

Funny, Not Funny

Not funny? Laptop playing coy. Stuck in terminal startup repair. And yes, I am a stupid douchebag who didn't back some stuff up and I deserve everything I get. But come ON, it's my birthday month and SO NOT FAIR. Also, I'm tired and everything hurts. My elbow hurts. My knee hurts. My neck hurts. My back and feet and eyebrows hurt. My vagina hurts. Apparently now that I'm forty I can party like a twenty year old, but only if I'm prepared to feel like a sixty year old for a few days after. And the school barbecue was last night. I hate the fucking school barbecue. Eve loves the fucking school barbecue. Naturally -- what's not to love about standing in an enormous line for substandard food, standing in more enormous lines for some ridiculous inflatable things, some of which have height requirements which aren't announced until the too-short kids get to the very end of the fucking enormous line and make me have to get a little snippy with a volunteer in a yellow shirt and his little megaphone, which is not fair, because you really shouldn't be snippy with volunteers, except he really was annoying with his little megaphone and his bellowing about snow cones and tug of wars when dude, you set up these bloody primary-coloured inflatables and guess what? snow cones and tug of wars (tugs of war?) sort of lose their allure. And then when we were finally done with the stupid inflatables the barbecue was ending and there was no more face painting or snow cones and Eve was pissed. Unfortunately, not pissed enough to last until next year and convince her that we shouldn't go. Whatever, I did it for the school. And the children.

Funny? This. You just know he would never get snippy with a yellow-shirted megaphone-abusing volunteer.

14 comments:

Mary Lynn said...

A sex tape--with no cuddling!

Hilarious.

Patti Murphy said...

Skip it next year. Seriously. If you're too nice to boycott then plan a conflicting event. Do it. Book now.

Amber said...

I love that video.

And I am sort of afraid of my daughter starting kindergarten now. What horrors lie in wait at school events? I guess I will soon find out.

The Mayor! said...

Fucking rotten kids & the shit we get sucked in to for them...hahahahahaha!! (you just wouldn't even BELIEVE what I sucked up for 12 hrs straight today for mine!) GAD, I love you woman, you so crack me up! THAT'S why there were no expletives in my "son" post, YOU used up the quota for all of us!! Love it! Seriously, I am so coming to hang out with you LOL!! Thnx for linking up, happy wknd!

:-D

Betsy B. Honest said...

volunteers are great but megaphones and walkie-talkies turn 'em into Napoleons.

Julie said...

the end of year thing was at the hubby's school yesterday. the jb and i went because of the bouncy castle. the line up was crazy. and when we got our chance, the jb didn't want to go in it. he didn't realise that there would be OTHER kids in it. oh the horror! then we waited in a long assed line for a balloon sword. but then when we got closer the jb realised that it was a clown making them, and no way was he going near that to get one. it was a great night!

that ralph machio video is the best thing to hit the internet in a while.

Kelly said...

Love this. I have these days ... am having one of these days ... and it's so nice to know I'm not alone. Thank the heavens there are no school barbecues in our world!

Heligirl said...

Oh the school BBQ horrors that await me. Sigh. I shall do my best to attempt to "do it for the kids." :)

Happy birthday darling. May the next 40 be even better!

Pam said...

What?? You didn't have the time of your life at the BBQ? You are an awesome parent for bringing your girl to the event anyway. I vote for hiring a babysitter to take them to bouncing castle hell while we sip purple martinis by the pool. Are you in?
Cheers!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

It's Birthday Month you can grouch if you want to, I think it might even be legal to strangle yellow shirted megaphone using volunteers. I feel like I'm sixty and I didn't even get to party first, now that's Not Fair!
Loved the funny, thanks for sharing!

SuziCate said...

Sounds like the old school picnics we were forced to attend...bless you for going. Some day (many light years from now!) she will appreciate that you went, and she'll have you go with her kids so she doesn't have to!

Stacia said...

Ralph Macchio needs to be the megaphone-wielding guy next year ... making little kids cry will "improve" his bad boy image, no doubt!

Tracy said...

omg, that's funny! Don't you love the school bbq's, spring flings and stiletto stalking mama volunteers with big mouths....I mean megaphones blasting out commands! urg, now how many more years to battle this???

KLZ said...

You get birthday month? I only get birthday week. Off to petition the husband for a change of rules now...