Philanthropy Dilemma

A few years ago when Angus was having three boys sleep over for his birthday, one of the moms called me and said her son was nervous about bringing a stuffed animal that he needed to sleep with. She said "I just told him 'Angus's mom is super nice and she won't let the other boys make fun of you'". That was nice to hear, but in general I think of myself as 'pretty nice' as opposed to 'super nice'. There's a significant degree of self-interest there - I just tend to feel better about making people feel good than about making them feel bad (when I was young I sort of thought that was a no-brainer, everyone-feels-that-way kind of deal - turns out, not so much), and if I can help someone by going slightly out of my way (let's not get all crazy here), I'm in.

I give people a solid chance when I meet them, I try to make shy people feel welcome, and I'm willing to give people a second chance, but I also hold years-long grudges on ridiculously thin pretexts (should have RSVPd to that party invitation, Rob, now you're dead to me).

I'm not one of those people who stick their hand up for every single thing. I've helped in the school library almost every week since Eve was in JK, but I don't go for pizza day or hot dog day (except when I'm there already for shelving or running the book fair). I volunteer in the class regularly, but I don't do a shift at every single other school event like some people do. I am not one of those volunteer-for-everything people who run around frazzled and overcommitted, partly because I always feel slightly exasperated by those people (as well as grudgingly admiring), and at this point in my life, I know my limits; if I did that for school and community work, I would have nothing left for my family, and I'm not willing to make that trade in order to be thought of as a super-volunteer. No one's ever going to worry that I'm going to ruin my health trying to save the world.

But I'm gullible and soft-hearted. When we lived in Toronto, my husband said I must be on some list of TO's Top 10 Most Exploitable Resources for Criminals. My wallet got stolen because I didn't lock it up at work and teen-age boys got into the back store room. Every yahoo with a sob story got money out of me. And this is the thing. I don't mind being a nice person, a rule-follower, but I hate feeling like a sucker. If there's a stupid rule and I realize I'm the only one following it, I have a really hard time still following it just on principle. If someone's taking advantage of me, I want to be aware of it and I want THEM to be aware that I know what they're doing, and I'm letting myself be taken advantage of because I'm nice, not because I'm stupid.

(Although every now and then, I would have to sort of admire the lengths some people will go to for a scam. The guy who came into the bookstore where I was working, talked about Urban Peasant cookbooks with me, special ordered a book, then went through this elaborate charade of "I left my kids playing in the park and then threw my jacket in my car trunk with my keys in it and I need to call a locksmith, oh, the locksmith costs a hundred dollars cash on a Sunday"? Yeah, there's a special place in Hell for people like him, preying on people's better nature and then making them suspicious for the rest of their lives, but come on, that took some serious planning and creativity, not to mention acting skills.)

So on this Facebook group for moms in my area, someone posted that she was helping out a single dad with two kids who had used up all the food bank resources in his area and needed food for the week. I was going grocery shopping the next day anyway, so I said I'd pick some stuff up and drop it off at her place, which is a half hour away from me.

And this is my problem - I leap to the rescue, because I can afford it, and theoretically I have the time to drop off the stuff, but then I start experiencing not-super-nice doubts about the legitimacy of the whole thing. I don't know this person. I don't know the person she's claiming to be helping. Am I just being a total dupe? HAVE I LEARNED NOTHING?? I couldn't get this picture out of my head, of me and my liberal guilt buying food and driving it right to her door like a magnificent chump while she .... I don't know, twiddles her thumbs and chuckles evilly like a criminal mastermind? Hey, I'm not super-nice AND I have an overactive imagination.

So I told her I couldn't drop it off after all and waited to see what would happen. She said she would get her husband to pick it up on the way home from work.

So, fine. If she's really helping this man, then I helped. If it's a scam to get food for herself, then presumably she needs it. And I was going for groceries anyway. I'm only half a sucker. Right?

Put THAT in your muffin tin and smoke it

Okay, so I've been super-lazy at blogging. And I just realized I haven't really read anything that I've had to sink any intellectual teeth into for weeks. And my last assignment was supposed to be three-to-five typed pages and I only turned in two-and-a-half (although she didn't specify spacing requirements, and I think she only said that for the slightly dumber people that probably aren't as concise. That's right, that's what I'm going with.) And it's July and I still have boxed-up Christmas decorations lining the wall in the basement because I was planning to reorganize my storage space before I put them away.

Cooking? Not really. Every few nights when Matt's not going out for baseball I make him barbecue whatever meat I have around, and then I serve it with different wrappings or sides for the rest of the week. I have shelled quite a few peas, if that counts. Oh shut up, I know it doesn't really count (yes, I do it while watching tv).

So what have I been DOING with my abundant spare time? Getting Eve to and from Drama Camp (more on that later), weeding my backyard for the any-minute-now-going-to-be-planted herbs and flowers, wandering the market and grazing the Indian buffet with the mom of the other Drama Camp attendee, interviewing the Acquisitions Supervisor for the Ottawa Public Library, playing badminton for the first time in twenty years (I sucked less than I feared I would), reading a bunch of really good fantasy and horror stories, going on food truck adventures and cottage-hopping.

My house is a disaster. I've sorted through some of the kids' old clothes and they're piled everywhere. The kitchen counter is piled with corn cobs and berries. Yesterday I was determined to get in some exercise, even though my right knee and my left arm are practically useless (patellar-femoral syndrome and gardening injury - I know, it's pathetic). So I decided to just grab some stuff at Shopper's Drug Mart while getting Angus's prescription instead of going to the grocery store before I worked out, because we already had produce. I made a quick list, trying to remember all the vitamins and medications and washing stuff we were out of. Then I added muffin cups.

Do you ever find that suddenly your grocery store stops carrying good old-fashioned normal muffin cups? Like, the only ones available are foil-lined or festooned with Disney characters and way too expensive for something that's just to make the muffin not stick to the tin and whose sole purpose is to get baked and then discarded and you find yourself going into a full-on Hulk rage in the baking supplies aisle because JESUS CHRIST WHY CAN'T I JUST FIND A NORMAL MUFFIN CUP WHY IS EVERYTHING SO GODDAMNED COMPLICATED????

No? Just me?

Anyway, I stuck it on the list, then I thought, why am I putting muffin cups on a drugstore list, the drugstore's not going to have muffin cups. They just have cake mixes and maybe some flour and  sugar and Bear Paws and Golden Oreos. Mmmmm, Golden Oreos..... focus. But what the heck, I left it on the list.

And look!

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

So yeah. I'm still kind of a mess. But in the muffin cup department? TOTALLY on top of things. Try not to be jealous.

(Also, note the post title, which shows once again that I care not a fig for search engine optimization. NOT ONE FIG!)