Five For Friday: The Eve Roasts Everyone Edition

1. Eve and her friends watch some of the most appallingly bad reality television. I don't get it, but I don't judge, because I have watched some appallingly bad tv also, it just has more of a script. She's been watching Couples Therapy in Hamilton and then describing it humorously to me on our Facetimes. She said she was slightly surprised at how many throuples were featured, and then said indignantly "do you know what their main issues always are? Jealousy and boundaries! In which case - *mimes plucking something away* - "throuples card revoked! If you're jealous and you can't communicate your boundaries then GO BACK TO SUCKING AT MONOGAMY like everyone else! You're basic bitches, you can't be in a throuples."

2. Eve is in a very estrogen-heavy lab except for her supervisor, which she enjoys very much. This is the Masters and Ph.D. students, but every year there are undergrads working on their theses, which she also did there. Except this year the undergrads are boys, and she said seeing them try to figure stuff out is "like watching babies discover they have hands."

3. "It's so hard for me when I side with the man."

4. Eve and I have both been listening to the newest Olivia Rodrigo album. We had it on while I was driving her back to Hamilton at one point and a song came on and she said "I like this song, but I hate myself for it. Like, girl, you can't be this much of a mess ("I'm a zombie in my body, I'm a train off of the tracks, I feel dirty, I feel rotten, and my colours are all flat") just because your man left." I said "okay, easy, you don't have much use for romantic relationships but break-ups can be really hard", and she said "No Mom, they didn't break up, he's just GONE OUT." Okay then. 

5. A few months ago I went for a facial at a new clinic that my friend recommended. After my consultation the girl recommended a cleanser they sell. I was under no impression that it had all of the attributes she was waxing eloquent about, but I'm at a point in my life where I am nevertheless susceptible to the lure of expensive liquids that might make my skin look an iota more glowy. She also said that my Dove soap was probably stripping my natural oils (oh no!). Eve was in my hotel room while I was washing my face so I told her that I liked it anyway because it was easies to do a tiny pump of the cleanser than to lather up a  Dove bar when my hands are really bad. I then said that I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't leave my face feeling greasy. She fixed me with a level gaze and said "so it's stripping your oils in a more expensive manner". (Lest you think that I ever escape her peerless roasting abilities).