I am in a STATE

 Is anyone still surprised by the news that my husband is away for the first two weeks of December and I am grumpy about it? I feel like I've told everyone I know multiple times, so probably not. 

We got the tree, and we got the tree up! On November 29th! Earliest ever! I love the lights and the remote and it's beautiful.

I started putting a few ornaments on it, thinking I would just leave the kids' and family's special ornaments for when both kids are home and we put on Die Hard and decorate the tree and do the family photo shoot. 

It's a little bit different decorating a tree with so many lights. I feel like the ornaments have to be balanced quite well or it looks weird. Are there too many lights? Do I need to buy three dozen uniformly shaped and sized ornaments? No, I am NOT going to complain about my beautiful new tree, I will figure it out!

(You see what I mean though, right?)

Then yesterday on my day off, I realized I didn't really have anything else yet, and it was already December 3rd, and my whole thing about trying not to leave it all until December 1st is that it never actually happens on December 1st, and then before you know it it's December 5th, and why do all this shit if it's only going to be up for a couple of weeks? But oops, my big strong husband has fled the jurisdiction. So I carried a bunch of boxes up from downstairs and basically put everything else out, and then some. I had sorted everything better than usual, so it wasn't that hard. It looks like Christmas threw up in my house now, but I'm alone and I need all the frigging festivity I can get. Tuesdays have been a little weird for me lately. I get a burst of energy in the morning and early afternoon, do house stuff and walk and yoga, and then theoretically should feel happy and satisfied and ready to do some reading and resting, but it gets dark really early and I just feel weird and worried. 

I am supposed to drive to Hamilton tomorrow to see Eve and my professor for the evening, and then head to Barrie (about an hour from Hamilton) for my annual weekend with Zarah (HI ZARAH). So naturally the weather has been engaging in fifteen kinds of fuckery and I have no idea what to do. Last week there was major catastrophic weather north of where I'm going. Today there are snow squall warnings along my route. Tomorrow? Tomorrow is going to be just uncertain enough that not going will feel maybe overly cautious and going will be stressful. I really want to go. Eve needs a hug and some food to get her through the last week. I love my Zarah weekend. But obviously I don't want to be dumb and unsafe about it. 

Matt thinks that at this rate tomorrow will be doable but slow and messy. I was driving myself nuts going around in circles about it, so I've decided that if that stays the same, I'm going to go. I will have an emergency bag in the car, I just got my snow tires on, I will take it slow and the route is a major highway that's never that far from a rest stop or a town where I can find shelter if I need to stop. 

We were supposed to get a lot of snow today here. It was snowing pretty heavily on my drive in to work, but right now it's just a barely perceptible snowfall. Still looks like we could get around 12 cm. 

So anyway. I'm a little bit lonely, a little bit restless, a little bit burned out and overwhelmed, I miss my kids, I miss my kids being little at Christmas, I can't figure out how to feed myself without eating too little or too much (cooking for one makes the same mess as cooking for one AND I have to cook it AND clean it up myself), and I am bad with uncertainty. But I am surrounded by pretty lights, I MIGHT be hugging my kid and my best friend soon OR I will have a restful weekend surrounded by  my pretty lights, and I think this is the soonest I've ever blogged again after finishing NaBloPoMo.

In sum... uh, I got nothing.