Bluesfesting While Anxious Redux

 Thanks so much for the helpful answers to the blogging questions. I have a bit of a visual processing problem when reading columns or reading on a computer, so I have a fear that people will look at my giant blocks of text and feel dread and distaste. Most of your blogs are formatted so the blocks are narrower, which is easier for me, but for wider ones I just have to go more slowly. 

I only blog on my computer, unless I am away during NaBloPoMo and haven't had time to schedule posts, in which case I might do very short posts or just a picture and post from my phone. I generally read blogs on my computer too, unless I am somewhere waiting for something and bored, in which case I might read some on my phone, but I can't figure out how to comment that way and reading a blog post and not commenting on it seems like something without something (redacted, all I could think of was sex stuff).

Regarding Engie's comment on the driving post, "Ha ha ha! I don't know why, but the idea of you panicking, but trying to stay calm while Eve is doing the same sort of makes me chuckle. Like, why can't we just be honest that we're freaking out? I mean, not in a dangerous sort of drive the car off the side of the road way, but in a "um, whoops, I made a mistake and now you're driving in worse conditions than I had planned" sort of way?" : I agree, it's funny in retrospect. But I wasn't trying to look calm to cover up my mistake, I was trying not to visibly freak out because I knew that would freak her out, and absolutely risk having the car driven off the side of the road - after we were safely out of it I freely told everyone what a stupid mistake it was and how much it freaked me out. 

Tonight was our first night at Bluesfest (this post is about the first time I took Eve to Bluesfest, eight whole years ago. We've kind of gotten into a routine, so while I'm still a little nervous setting out the first time, it's usually much better. This year was the first time most of the lineup wasn't that attractive to us, and we almost didn't buy full festival passes, but we wanted to go at least three times and that costs just as much as the early bird full passes, so I got them, but we weren't going until tonight, the fourth night. It often starts very soon after school ends and I find the idea of going to five to seven nights of concerts exhausting as well as exhilarating, so I thought that the festival starting a little later and planning not to go as often might result in me being a little more chill.

I was so wrong. Like really stupidly, embarrassingly wrong.

The little seniors center that I found that first year that does parking in their lot as a fundraiser is no longer the hidden gem it was back then. Also, I usually bought a pass for the whole festival there too, which meant we had a spot reserved for us no matter when we got there. This year we weren't going enough to warrant getting a full pass, which meant we'd be gambling on whether there was a spot, which meant we were right back to the uncertainty about where to park, which somehow got so big in my mind that I was on the verge of not being able to go, which is super dumb, but try telling that to my limbic system.

About halfway through the day Eve came down to where I was reading on the couch to talk about her anxiety over her driving test, which I met with my anxiety about getting to Bluesfest, and we talked and ate some peas from the pod and then I gave us both a brisk little pep talk and she went outside to read and I made pasta salad. 

In the end, my lovely husband offered to drop us off and we could transit or Uber home. He dropped us off near the place we usually park, which did still have spots, so I felt dumb and also relieved. We saw Tegan and Sara for the second time, and they were as wonderful as the last time - both the music and the funny banter -and we saw some friends and shared some french fries and had a wonderful time, and now I think I'll be okay going back. It's not a victory in terms of conquering the anxiety altogether, but I did manage to get myself there (with a little help), so I guess I'll take it. When we walked back up the hill to get an Uber (because the streets immediately around are all closed) we ran into a nice woman with an adorable black dog who came up to us to be petted while she warned him not to jump, and after he didn't jump on us he ran back to her and sat down so prettily and expectantly, like when my friend's son was pushing a littler kid on the swings and yelled "hey mom, look how nice I'm being!" so she could give him a treat. So that was a perfect evening-ender.