It's been a while since I had a full head of surliness to vent on the appropriate day. None of it is really that bad, and none of it is really personal, and mostly I think I might have been intractably, irredeemably cranky today anyway.
1. I have a sleep study booked tonight to check whether my CPAP settings need to be adjusted. In a way I'm glad it's happening because it needs to happen. In a way it's one more fucking medical test in a line of the blood pressure-monitoring-mammogram-biopsy-bloodwork train over the last month that makes me think maybe I wouldn't be feeling so mortal right now if I could go a few days in a row without being reminded of all the things that might be about to kill me. Also, I was so proud of myself that when they called to schedule they said 'how about Wednesday night'? and I said I only actually have to be at work two days a week, maybe it could not be the night before one of those days? and they said sure! Thursday night? and I said great! And just as I hung up realized I had agreed to take an office shift at Broadview on Friday, after a night of unsettled interrupted sleep. Dumb.
2. I agreed to take this office shift even thought I've been really enjoying just being a librarian again, and it's at the school that's far from my house, and I haven't done any office shifts there so I won't really know what's going on. The office administrator wanted the afternoon off for her son's high school graduation. She suggested I stop in at some point before the shift so she could give me some pointers. Every time I have, she's been on the phone and too busy, or not there. I emailed her about this. She never got back to me or came up to the library to see me. I'm the one doing her a favour, should I be the one jumping through all the hoops? I don't even know if I have a login for the attendance software. It will be fine, there will be a time after this, I will survive, I'm just annoyed.
3. Working the last month of the school year in the library is an exercise in trying to go with the flow. EQAO happens, immunizations happen, big meetings happen, and this seems to inevitably result in the library bookshelves being moved around in weird ways and groups of people being constantly in the way. I can't reach the shelves I need to reach. The shelves aren't alphabetical anymore so I'm wandering around like an idiot with the same book for way longer than I should be. Compared to being a teacher this is absolutely nothing to complain about that, and I realize that, and I would never complain about it anywhere other than here.
4. While we're on the subject of the teachers, though, ninety percent of them could not be lovelier and I love seeing them when they bring their kids in and I respect and admire their work so much. But there is a small subset of them who think that the librarian is their inferior and that they should be able to set up shop in the library whenever they feel like it, and block the aisles with their little carts and lean on the very shelves on which I am trying to replace the books, and holy fuck, who the fuck does that?
5. Motherfucker, I actually have to sleep at the hospital tonight. How did I do this last time? Did I bring a fan? I'm definitely going to need a fan. It says arrive with clean, dry, product-free hair. Ha ha ha, bitch, this hair doesn't go anywhere without product. The last time I went they said "we might wake you up to try a machine, but don't worry if we don't, you might still have sleep apnea". Then it took me forever to fall asleep and then they woke me up going JESUS CHRIST your brain is getting zero oxygen, PUT THIS MASK ON. And then it took me forever to fall asleep again because, mask. Presumably it should be a bit better this time, but not that much better because, hospital. Ugggggghhhhhhhhhh.
6. Some guy on Facebook made a gross comment about the little girl play Princess Leia in the new Star Wars series and I said it was gross and he said I looked like John Goodman with a mop on his head. Okay, that doesn't actually make me surly, I can't stop giggling about it. I almost said "thanks, that's what I was going for", but I thought it was better to cut off his oxygen. Still. Of all the ways I've ever been called fat by fuckwads on the internet, that was peak creative.
Thank-you for indulging my crabbiness. I will endeavour to be more pleasant when next we meet.