Enough of That Crap

 I'm not going to delete the previous post, but around 1 a.m. last night while I was reading I stopped and gave my head a literal shake. There's nothing that wrong with needing a couple of days to wallow, but I do try to stay aware of my privilege and my perspective on that had slipped a bit. Like a lot of people I know, I want to get the vaccine and get our cases down so things can get back to something approaching normal. No one I'm close to has died of Covid or even been really sick with it. My kids have lost out on some important senior year and university experiences, but they're healthy and safe. I can stay home most of the time right now. And people in the rest of the world and literally in my province are sick and dying and terrified. I still have it pretty fucking good, and it's time to start acting like it.

Because there's nothing I can really do for those other people other than stay home and not be an asshole not be the kind of asshole that breaks the rules and endangers others, I am going to supplant my whiny post with some random less-whiny thoughts.

(I am still really pissed that the sign-up process for getting the Astra-Zeneca vaccine at a pharmacy is an absolute clusterfuck compared to the provincial portal that I used to sign my parents up for their vaccines. There's no centralization - you have to root around for a list of area pharmacies giving vaccines and put yourself on every single wait list separately. There are rumours that some places' wait lists aren't really working, so people walk in or call and get appointments that way instead - like, wtf? I'm okay waiting for a shot - none of us can go anywhere for the next five weeks anyway - but I am offended by the absolute teeth-aching fuckery of it all. But that's not the fault of the pharmacy workers, so I'm even more offended on their behalf, because the crapstorm they must be facing right now is terrifying to contemplate.)

Yesterday Pam (HI PAM) texted me authoritatively that we would be walking that afternoon whether I liked it or not. We stuck Lucy in her carrier, masked up and drove to a nearby trail. We were able to walk distanced and kept our masks for if we ran into people or if the path narrowed. We vented about Covid crankiness so hard that we forgot to notice the beauty of nature until it was time to turn around, so we made ourselves stop and stare at the trees for a while before we started bitching again. Pam has been working at a furniture store (until lockdown started this week) and getting the full brunt of people who are Covid cranky and also mad that their furniture isn't being delivered. I feel fully qualified to judge those people harshly because we had laid down a huge chunk of change for our first new couch in twenty years just before lockdown last year and its delivery was in limbo for months before we got it, and I never spoke harshly to anyone over that. Who the fuck yells at a store employee (particularly one as nice as Pam) over a chair? Seriously, reconsider your life choices. So she's looking for a less stressful job. I suggested she get one answering phones in a pharmacy because I'm helpful like that. 

Then we went and got a few groceries, and our thing before we got stupid jobs was always going for a walk and then getting groceries, so even though we had to wear masks and be careful not to be too close it felt reasonably like normal times, and I was less cranky after (and not just because I bought ice cream). Also, the checkout girl said she liked my hair. 

We're back to the Zoom bar nights, which I hate but force myself to do every now and then. I just feel so weird sitting there, and I can't think of what to say, and I HATE staring at my stupid face and I get obsessed with all my chins, and then Matt gets mad at me because I keep moving my face around hoping some chins will disappear (they never do) and I try to tell myself that no one else is focusing on my chins (but I know someone probably is). I prefer the kind of bar night where I can just look at other people's faces and forget that I have one for a while.

Today Eve had a P.D. day so she drove us out to the fancy doughnut shop and we listened to Demi Lovato's new album. I wore a sundress and when I got home I walked Lucy in a sundress and sandals and sunglasses like an aging movie star instead of my usual ratty shorts and t-shirt. I brought my neighbour some doughnuts, which reminds me of the time we got a giant-ass cake from a local bakery for Matt's birthday and I brought some over but they didn't answer the door so I left it on the step intending to text when I got home. But in the thirty seconds it took me to walk back home I forgot about texting, and then she texted me "did you just leave cake at my door? I hope so because I already ate it", and I died laughing and told her she probably had some kind of tracker inside her now. 

It's Friday ((I think). I wish everyone health and good weather and vaccines and trackerless cake. 

What the hell is a hand-roasted nut? I guess it's better than a nut-roasted hand, but just barely