Various Dysfunctions

 I was just going to read my friends' blogs and not post today because I have just been limping along being sleepless and cranky and dumb lately, and who wants to read about that? But I promised myself I was going to try really hard to post every week no matter what, so here we are. 

Eve has her first bladder infection - I didn't specifically check that I could blog that, but she's pretty chill about her bodily functions being discussed, so she probably won't sue me. It's been miserable - she got one round of antibiotics and they didn't kill it, so we called the clinic and the after-hours doctor called her again and gave her a stronger antibiotic and asked us to come in so she could give a urine sample - also a first for her. 

So it was a weird morning. I slept like absolute garbage again and she woke me up from a dead sleep to leave - I'm not sure if my alarm didn't go off or I slept through it. It was fine, we didn't have a firm appointment, just a suggestion to show up around a time. I don't enjoy driving with the state of my brain right now. I can follow the rules of the road okay, but I can't remember where I'm going. Last night I was driving Eve to hang out in one friend's backyard and we were supposed to drive another friend. I got almost to the first friend's house when Eve reminded me to pick up the other friend (it wasn't far away, but I was going in the wrong direction). I turned around and drove to the second friend's house, and as I approached their driveway I suddenly thought "what the hell am I doing driving to Marianna's house? We're going to Davis's!" So. Yeah.

So we made it to the doctor's office, which is in a big plaza with a giant parking lot, which is currently half torn up (this is relevant, unfortunately). I drove one way thinking I could get around to the end and get near the office we needed, but there was no exit. Eve said "just park here and we'll walk over". Which you'd think would be fine. So we did, and everything went fine except, well, if you remember the first time you tried to give a urine sample as a woman, or any time trying to give a urine sample as a woman, or maybe Eve and I are just clumsy and not in tune with our bodies, whatever, shut up - it was difficult, but she managed to present enough urine to dip whatever they needed to dip in it. 

We walked back across the parking lot and as we approached the car - which would have been in a WHOLE-ASS DIFFERENT LOCATION if not for the torn-up parking lot, THANKS A LOT, CONSTRUCTION -  I saw Eve kind of duck and felt something hit the back of my head. I turned and saw a giant flock of birds and felt the back of my head and Eve said "omg, I'm so sorry!" and yes, a motherfucking bird SHIT ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD. Fortunately, because of Covid, we have Lysol wipes in every vehicle so Eve helped me clean up. On the drive home she giggled and said "I was going to wait until you washed it off to say this, but it kind of fits the theme of the day - first I got pee all over myself and then you got shat on". And honestly, even before I showered, that is funny.

We're doing an appetizers-and-group-drink night at a friend's tonight since we didn't get to do our traditional gourmet-meal-and-group-drink at camp. I am mixing a pitcher of palomas and making some kind of grilled-corn-black-bean-jalapeno-cheddar salad with avocado crema and homemade tortillas. I just keep throwing more lime juice and garlic and olive oil and coarse salt in various dishes and hoping for the best. Supposedly a bird crapping on you is good luck so everything I touch in the kitchen should be gold today, right? I'll just make sure everything has a lid on it for transport. 

Eve just came down to tell me something and I said "can I have a hug and can I tell my blog readers you have a bladder infection?" and she said yes to both, so we're cool. 


Swistle said…
I am ALL THE WAY HERE for sleepless/cranky/dumb moods/posts. I too have been having some trouble with driving: auto-pilot is some of it, and getting distracted by "STORE CLOSING" signs is part of it.

The urine-sample collection concept is just so ridiculous, and clearly designed for people with penises. Could someone WITHOUT a penis get involved in this process?? I AM TIRED OF PEEING ON MY HAND WHILE HOLDING A CUP. THANKS.

Eve is the best.
Busy Bee Suz said…
Only you could share a cranky/dumb post and make me giggle/smile. :)

I hope Eve feels better soon and I'm glad she won't be suing you either.

How have I gone 52 years and I've never heard of a Paloma? You've got this....the bird shit DOES bring good luck.
Ohhhhhhh that bird! Although, apparently that is lucky - or do we just say that as consolation for GETTING SHIT ON OUR HEADS. There has been so much construction in Calgary this year, it's crazy. I have just started getting used to double checking if places are actually open, and what their hours are now.
Poor Eve. We all pee on our hands when we take a sample, it's a womanhood thing.
Ernie said…
I agree, even when grumpy and tired and recovering from a bird-poop incident, you supply us with good laughs. I had 3 days of so-so sleep and then tried to read Curly's volleyball schedule. Well, that didn't end well. Two consecutive weeks I messed up the time and/or the location because the mess-up was lodged in my brain. Sleep-deprivation sucks and there are residual effects. I hope Eve feels better soon, because OUCH. Oh, that pee sample business. I thought I was the only one who could not exactly predict where the stream was headed. Enjoy your cocktails and appetizers.
StephLove said…
I hope Eve is feeling better soon. I've never had a bladder infection but it doesn't sound fun.

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