Not to Be Confused With a Garden-Variety Diss

I just looked up the definition of clapback and it gave me joy. My best clapbacks of recent memory were both on Facebook, which is fantastic for avoiding l'esprit de l'escalier (a French term used in English for the predicament of thinking of the proper reply too late).

One was on a neighbourhood Moms group (which is a beautiful and terrible thing). A woman made a bitchy post about people who leave early from school recitals and then closed comments. This is a bit of a hot button for me - I hate that people think they can judge other people without knowing their reality, and I hate the helicopter parenting mentality that makes people worry that their own children will be hurt if every single goddamned parent doesn't stay until the bitter end of every school production (I've checked with the very small sample of my own kids and their friends, who confirm that they cared not a whit if parents other than their own saw their performances). As long as people are subtle and considerate about the manner of their departure, I am fine with it.

So I made my own post, disagreeing with her post. And I left comments open. Some people agreed with me. Most people, in fact. The original poster was somewhat predictably not impressed, and opined that if I didn't like what she said, I should scroll by. I said that I had scrolled by, and then posted my own opinion, and invited her to scroll similarly by if she so desired. Someone else suggested that she could just vent to her own friends instead of blasting an entire Facebook group, and she said that she didn't have any friends to vent to. Please admire my self-restraint at replying exactly NOTHING to this.

Then someone commented on my post that it was ridiculous that I had posted merely to disagree with the original poster, that I was being petty (duh) and ridiculous (debatable) and that she saw absolutely no value in what I had done.

To which I replied: "Cool. Aren't you glad I left comments on so you could say that?"

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The second, less momentous one, was a few days ago on my cousin's post. She posted a cheeseburger with no bun, prompting a bit of slightly eye-roll-worthy (for me) discussion and praise about a low-carb diet. I have a very low bar for food hysteria and demonizing certain food groups these days, but people are allowed to post about their interests, so whatever. Then someone commented "ketchup? Pure sugar!" and my exasperation peaked. But instead of debating with someone I don't know or care about persuading, I contented myself with replying "ACTUALLY it's sugar WITH VINEGAR AND TOMATOES".