Apparently My Brain Thinks Size Doesn't Matter

I have a bit of a bad habit, when buying things online, of not paying attention to measurements. Height. Weight. Quantity. I have no good excuse - I feel like there's something slightly wrong with my processing ability on computer screens, so I feel like I'm reading everything over and over but somehow I still manage to miss things, but I have no proof of this. Maybe I'm just careless. It's usually not a huge problem. I ordered a ceramic house and a little vase from artist friends online and both were surprisingly, adorably tiny when they arrived. No problem, they were still lovely.

I had a doors and windows calendar that I really liked last year, so I ordered the new version this year. Turns out it was, um, not full-sized. Eve killed herself laughing at my tiny calendar. The day squares were a little smaller, but I still made it work. It doesn't match my picture in size like the other one did, but oh well.

Near the end of the school year, I was exhausted. I was still recovering from a winter of sickness and pain, working in a hot library with years of yuck oozing out of the old carpets was making me feel somewhat unwell, and we were all crawling to the finish line. Matt was away for a few days and instead of going out for groceries and dog food, I indulged in grocery delivery for only the second time ever and ordered dog food from Amazon, although I usually support our neighbourhood independent-owned pet store. I ordered Lucy's regular food and a bag of the oral care stuff, which is her regular food but in giant pellets which are harder to chew so good for her teeth, and which she for some reason thinks is a fantastic treat even though, like I said, still her regular food. The oral care stuff seemed a little expensive, but Matt had only recently discovered it so I didn't know what it should cost, and we only give her a couple of pieces a day, so I thought maybe that's why it was more expensive.

The package was delivered and Eve opened it in the dining room and yelled for me to come look, again killing herself laughing.

So. Oops.

"We only give her four pieces a day!" Eve said. On the bright side, we won't run out of food before we run out of dog. And when my lovely neighbour needs to borrow dog food for her chocolate Lab, I have the perfect solution.

I'd like to say that I learned my lesson, at least for a while.

But later that week, I realized we were out of envelopes.


Swistle said…
I really enjoyed this.

I once ordered some earrings for my daughter, who was then about 8 years old. I thought they were wee/darling-size earrings, but they were like two-and-a-half inches across. It said it right in the description so I guess I'd just defaulted to how big I thought they ought to be.

I always appreciate it when an Amazon reviewer makes a comment about size, because it's so common for it to...very much help me.
Kent said…
Your perspective is refreshing! I consider you as an ace in writings! This is what I’m looking for, you really made my day! I think you were so busy and forget to do some stuff in your house so it might be helpful to you this laundry service delivery.

StephLove said…
Hey, it's not like envelopes go bad. And you may never need to buy any again.
Lynn said…
Hilarious! And so true. I find in general that my brain is napping most of the time these days. I'm hoping this is a transitory perimenopause thing and I'll come out the other side bright and shining and kicking ass like Helen Mirren, but at the moment it's mostly Helen Keller around here.

Also: wee little house is adorable :).
Ah! It is hard to tell exactly what one is ordering online. I have to order cat food to be delivered to my 85-year-old aunt. I have to ask precise questions to know how much to order.

And that reminds me - I need to buy some envelopes.

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