Let Me Finnish

I am slow right now. Slow and tired and not smart. I think I should start leaving myself notes every night for what I need to do the next day, because I keep thinking I'll remember and I don't. 

Stand up

Walk to bathroom


I stood in the kitchen for five minutes trying to figure out what to do with myself before picking Eve up for her dermatologist appointment.

Dry hair

Put on clothes

Go downstairs

I've started my first placement at the elementary school where my kids used to go. It's awesome. I mean, it sucks that the librarian doesn't have nearly as many hours as she needs to get stuff done, but it also means I had a list of projects before the end of the first day, I can really see my work and she's SO happy to have me there. And I get to see all the teachers again. And the kids are mostly really sweet - one yesterday asked why I was there and when I told her she said "well THAT's nice!" 

Eat food

Check email

Check calendar

Panic about whatever was forgotten on calendar

Last night I fell down a Facebook wormhole. Someone from high school sent me a friend request, and I wasn't really sure I wanted to confirm it, but I started looking at their friends, and remembering people I'd forgotten, and this led to viewing profiles of people who are technically 'friends' but are never on Facebook - the Finnish woman from grad school, my sister's ex-boyfriend who I stayed friends with, my first crush from elementary school.... This led to a sudden and unshakable conviction that I need to move to Finland. Or at least go to Finland and take a profile picture. Or at least make my profile picture look like it was taken in Finland. Seriously, all of my friend's friends just look so self-assured and put together and beautiful even if they're not conventionally good-looking, and they're frequently backed by scenery that looks like it's inhabited by frost giants and snow queens, and they all have marvelous names like Jaakko and Virpi and Riikka - I so need more of the letter i in my name, don't you? 

Make appointments for children

Text children about appointments

Rest after the harrowing experience of dealing with appointments

Yeah, I know. I'm in a mild depressive state and I'm trying to run away, ignoring the fact that when I get to Finland I'll still be the same person who can't fall asleep and can't wake up and takes too many showers and spends too much time on Facebook and too little time on writing and housecleaning. Whatever. I'm waving all your concerns away over a bowl of lingonberry porridge.

Stare into space

Remember one thing I was supposed to do



Lynn said…
Loved this post. No particular reason, just the writing and the personality and the tone and the delightful person behind it. Hope the fog lifts soon and whenever you find time to write, I'll be here to read it!
StephLove said…
When I am having escape fantasies, they often involve taking a bus down to the train station and hopping a freight train (a south-bound one if it's winter). In fact, I can sometimes be heard singing under my breath, "Freight train, freight train goin' so fast./ Freight train, freight train goin' so fast./Please don't tell what train I'm on/So they won't know where I've gone."

Finland sounds nice, too, though. I hope you are feeling more lively soon. And good for you for volunteering.
Anonymous said…
Dear Alliison,
I really enjoyed this post.
Your writing makes me happy.
Please don't stop.

Not only did you remember a thing you completed the task. That's excellent!


P.S. Extra "i" just for you!
Nicole said…
THIS IS WHY THE EXTRA I. Now I understand! I thought...well, I don't know what. I mean. I is a cool letter so I guess I just...never mind. I guess I thought I was the new black? Anyway, love you. xo

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