Thursday, March 5, 2015

Too-Tired-To-Be-Surly Thursday

I'm tired of winter. I don't mind the cold all that much, but even that's annoying because I can't wear a winter coat in the car because I get too hot, so I just throw it in the backseat in case I get stranded somewhere (I'm heat-intolerant, not stupid) and wear a sweater, and strangers keep asking me where my coat is. And my hands get hot if I wear mittens too long, so I take them off and then my skin gets so dry my knuckles bleed because there's no moisture anywhere in the city. I went into Pennington's yesterday and was trying on a shirt and the lady knocked on the door and asked how I was doing and I said fine, except I'm afraid I might spontaneously combust from all the static. When she handed me my bill an actual spark flew between our hands.

I'm tired of all the stuff in my house. I keep cleaning and reorganizing and throwing stuff out and giving stuff away and I STILL can't get it to look the way I feel like it should look. When you walked in the door of the house I grew up in, if you looked around there were clean surfaces and well-placed furniture (ugly floral-patterned beige - it was the seventies, after all - but well-placed) and, I don't know, rake marks in the rug. It was neat and tidy. I don't think I've lived anywhere tidy since I moved out of that house. Why can't I achieve tidiness? Is tidiness just not my destiny?

I'm tired of my hair. For a while I had figured out what to get my stylist to do with it and it was pretty good - not great, but pretty good. Then either I stopped explaining it properly or she stopped understanding, or my hair underwent some weird middle-aged metamorphosis so it doesn't work anymore, and I'm a loser who can't do my hair again. I will never achieve a polished look. Granted, I was never going to work on Wall Street anyway, but I'd like to feel like if I DID want to work on Wall Street, it would be my lack of ambition or inability to do simple arithmetic or tendency to cry when yelled at that would hold me back, not my stupid hair.

I'm tired of wearing a bra. I don't like not wearing one either. I wish my boobs were removable. Yesterday I drove Angus to  school, then went to the eye doctor, then went grocery shopping, then came home and shoveled the driveway before going in, which meant I was still wearing a pretty bra. The pretty bra's underwire ends scraped the skin beside my underarms raw before I was finished (refer back to: I'm tired of winter/ no moisture anywhere in the city). I finished shoveling, went in, took off my bra, got the dog and took her outside to pee. The dog, who has whimpered and shivered and cried to go back in every single other time we take her outside, suddenly decided that OUTSIDE IS AWESOME and we should go prancing down the street and frolic in snowbanks and sniff chunks of dirty ice. Which was all well and good, except I thought we were just going out for a minute and now I was walking braless down the street towards my neighbours who were out shoveling their snow. And no, I wasn't wearing a jacket (refer back to: I'm tired of winter and never wear a winter coat). I explained to the dog that Anna and Elsa were frozen and not ready to be introduced to the neighbours and dragged her back home.

I'm tired of solo parenting. Only one more untidy, unpolished, polysporin-on-my-knuckles-and-armpits sleep before my husband gets home from Japan.


Sarah McCormack said...

You are obviously letting winter win, my friend. get some good moisturizer, a decent haircut and a comfortable bra & then get ready to kick ass this Spring!

was that supportive or bossy? was going for a little of both :)

Helen Abbott said...

I'm SO GLAD you're not tired of being funny.

Hannah said...

All of this, except for the dog bit, because my big smelly dumbass dog loves winter and snow and everything already, so I'm kind of used to that.

Helen Abbott said...

Wa-wa-wait! I just found the antidote to your too-tiredness! March 10 is The International Day of Awesomeness! I like how the dude thought it necessary to point out that this day should not be taken too seriously.

Swistle said...

I hear ya.

Maggie said...

I feel you! I had someone who did a great job on my hair and then she moved to California and now I have either cocker spaniel hair (you know two hanks of it hanging off the sides of my head) or a mom bob, which I'm so tired of having I could scream, and no stylist who has any other ideas.

Also, I am sick to death of wearing a bra. TMI, but I have small boobs, nevertheless, after having two kids they are saggy as heck, so without some kind of lift they just hang there looking terrible and then the high beams come on when it's cold and bottom line: I have to wear a damned bra to the office and it's uncomfortable and I just want to walk around being able to breathe freely.

Shan said...

Ugh I think we live in the same house. But seriously, I think the solution is a new house..... one down the street from me :)

I am also tired of my hair. My girls have great hair. They did not get it form me.

You're on your own with the bra thing though. Sorry.

Julie L said...

I am not a tidy person either. I figure it's overrated anyways. right?

I've always said that having interchangeable boobs would be a great thing. none or tiny for sports, regular for everyday, and a little vavavavoom for the boudoir, when needed.

Nicole said...

I like your hair. And your boobs. Oh, here's a story about underarm, um, rawness. I did some yoga wearing a short sleeved t-shirt that was, I don't know, seamed or something? And it rubbed part of my armpit RAW. IT IS SORE. I've been polysporin-ing it and also using cortisone cream because OUCH. That shit hurts!

Steph Lovelady said...

You wrote this Thursday so he's home now. I hope it was a nice reunion.

My house will never be tidy. Beth's been doing a lot of reorganization recently but I haven't had the energy to join her.