What have I been doing? How did I get here?

I was looking for the kids' class pictures from this year because my mother puts up her four grandchildren's pictures every year and she says I haven't given them to her this year. I can't find them. I can find years and years of pictures - teeth falling out and reemerging, cheeks growing leaner and leaner, smiles becoming more self-conscious - but not this year's. Piles and piles of pictures, and frames, and assorted other crap.

Then Eve came in from shooting baskets and tried to use an art string kit that someone gave her for her birthday two years ago and the glue is all dried and the string won't come out.

I'm caught between "we can only be who we are" and "I can't keep living like this". Between "it's really not that bad" and "it's worse than I thought."


Nicole said…
I keep thinking I should put together all the Playmobil toys, the farm toys with the farm and the Egyptian toys with the Sphinx, etc., etc., and donate them, but every time I look at the giant pile of little tiny toys I get completely overwhelmed.
Hannah said…
I don't know what to say other than that I really do know how hard it is. And how to strike a balance between "this is who we are" and "this isn't working for us anymore" is damned near impossible.

Dimitra said…
I too have to find pictures of my son and I for a school project he is doing. They were due Friday. My dilemma is, do I attempt to look through all those memory cards and get sidetracked and still not end up developing one, or do I attempt to go through my boxes and boxes of pictures I plan to organize "one day"? Where does that leave me? I figure I will just leave it all as it is and have my grandkids find them one day and open up a photo exhibit in my memory.... In the meantime, I hear ya sista!
Lynn said…
Ugh, I hear you. We spent the weekend cleaning out the garage and threw out so much stuff - broken hoses and leftover half-bags of mulch from projects done 8 years ago. It has me eyeing every other room in the house now - there's just piles and piles of stuff all over the place. I need to take a year off of everything else, including raising the children, just to go through it all room by room and clear it all out.
StephLove said…
I would like a clean and organized house, of course, but the mess and chaos bothers me less than it does B. I resolved to work harder on it (because I'm the one who works at home and only part-time) back in September and even though I AM working harder at it, I am not seeing the results I'd anticipated. I think it would just take longer than I'm willing to spend on it.
Sarah McCormack said…
or my Mom's favorite saying "Sometimes good enough IS good enough". Trust me, it's good enough. you don't look back on your life and wish you have done more vacuuming! keep making real memories with your kids.. you are doing fabulous!

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