Friday, May 31, 2013

Birds do it, Bees do it, Fleas are more educated than my kids about it

Remember when Eve and I talked a little about the facts of life and then she didn't want to talk about it any more? Turns out we should have talked about it a little more. Yesterday she was telling me about school. She said that they knew they were having health class and the grade fives in her class (she's in a four-five split) were afraid they were going to talk about where babies come from. (Let me interject that I felt the slightest bit smug about the fact that I thought Eve knew where babies come from, in a gigantic pride-goeth-before-a-fall douchebag moment). It turned out they were actually studying germs. But Eve said one of her classmates said "I know where babies come from. A man and a woman make them." Then EVE said "two women can make a baby".

What now?

I looked up from whatever I was chopping. She said her friend disagreed, but she got someone else to corroborate. I said "were you joking?" (please god, say you were joking). She looked confused.

Shit.

I said "two women can't make a baby."

She looked at me and said "I'm pretty sure they can."

Jesus.

I said "we talked about this. Remember? Sperm comes from him, egg comes from her, you need both?"

She said "but remember those people we met at the New Year's party, and they were lesbians, and they were getting married and they wanted to have the same last name in case they have kids because then they would all have the same last name?"

Ah.

So I said, leaving out the fact that I was probably too drunk to explain effectively at the time, "two women can HAVE a baby, and one of them can carry it and give birth to it, but they need sperm from a man to make it. They need what's called a sperm donor."

She said "THAT must be awkward."

And now I have to write a letter of apology to Eve's teacher and possibly a few parents. Sigh.

9 comments:

Julie said...

Eve was just reiterating the family's strong belief in equality for all. that's your spin.

you're welcome.

Nicole said...

"THAT" must be awkward! Hahaha! That's so funny! It depends...is this on Grey's Anatomy? Because that was totally awkward.

Steph Lovelady said...

When Noah was around 4 he asked me how wild animals reproduced, without a vet to do the insemination. We all have our blind spots.

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

Now I'm wondering what my own kids think about where babies come from. We've had The Talk a couple of times, but they've been double-checking about the men marrying men or women marrying women "rule" an awful lot lately. Perhaps they think marriage = having babies. Sweet little ignoramuses.

Dimitra Melehes said...

I can't remember the last time I giggled like a school girl!
Trying to combine the birds and the bees with modern society is an evolving challenge in itself. I commend you for the way you handled Eve and thank you at the same time for the heads up!

Magpie said...

Heh. Also, hmm. What does my kid know??

Nan | Wrath Of Mom said...

I shouldn't laugh (since my child is the one who announced that Jesus was born because God can reproduce assexually) but I did.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Sasha said...

Yes, I imagine that that is... awkward.

Would it be insensitive to say that I'm glad you diffused that particular bomb, because it's probably totally ticking away over here too? Maybe.

I'm quite certain that it's also insensitive to say "hey, I just noticed awkward has TWO w's in it. I will TOTALLY have to remember that."

Oh look, shiny thing! #gottarun

clara said...

Oh, I think that's just lovely though. Because she's right. She just left out the petty, spermy details.