Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Birthdays, balls and me not having my shit together. So, business as usual.

Why do I even bother putting stuff in draft form? Every time I'm stuck for a blog post I look at the drafts folder and everything there is as useful as tits on a bull. Once I saw Teri Garr on Letterman and she said she always writes things down on cue cards so when she goes on talk shows she'll have witty comments ready, and then right before she goes on she looks at them and they say things like "Khadafi goes to Moscow. Chicken on a stick". That's how it goes with me and draft posts.

Both my kids have birthdays at the beginning of a month. Since they were actually born on those days, at the beginning of those months, one could argue that it's been happening this way for as long as I've known them, and one would be indisputably correct. One might wonder why, then, I never realize that I have to get my ass in gear for birthday-party-type preparations not too late in the month BEFORE the aforementioned birthday months, if we don't want to be scrambling around at the last minute. But no. Every year the end of January or April rolls around and I'm going "Shit! Where are we having your birthday party? Who's coming? What do you mean you don't hang out with him any more? What are we going to do? No, we can't have an actual fire. What do I tell people to get you? What do you mean you don't want anything? Fine, I'll tell them to donate to charity instead and they'll think I'm a douchebag, NO PROBLEM."

We spent a few minutes looking for the phone number of one boy Angus wanted to invite, couldn't find it, so I went to the computer and typed out Canada.411.com, and then the three of us suddenly all looked up at each other from various points in the room and realized we were being morons since they're on the same spring baseball team. The mother had emailed us saying it was her son's dream come true - my husband as a coach (he's an awesome coach) and no chance of going up to bat and having to face Angus as a pitcher. Last year one small kid actually refused to stay at the plate for his third strike - it was like "he hasn't hit me yet, and I LOVE LIFE MORE, you bastards!"

Eve is playing softball this year, having gotten weary of the Minor boys with their abundance of strength and their dearth of accuracy using her for a ball target. She says she felt the softball and "I thought it would be more of a hence-the-name thing", meaning it didn't feel all that soft, but we've managed to convince her that the likelihood of being hit as often or having it hurt as much in softball is small. On the plus side for me, now Angus will still be playing two games a week but softball is ONLY ONE.

Yesterday I was headachy and hormonal and we had barbecued hot dogs and hamburgers on Sunday night so I decided we would just have leftovers after we got home from music lessons. Then Angus told me that he would like some San Francisco Giants clothing for his birthday so I stopped pulling stuff out of the refrigerator to look up where we could get San Francisco Giants clothing. Matt came home in the middle of this and then Eve wandered down because dinner was late and she was hungry, so I started just shoving food at people while Angus and Matt looked up fantasy baseball stuff and Eve helped out by making fun of players' names and they were talking about some guy who was a janitor before he played for the MLB and I said "does he bat clean-up?" and Angus said "HE TOTALLY DOES" and then after Angus said he wished all our dinners were like this, and I thought he meant the heartwarming and witty family banter, but when I said "what do you mean" he said "I mean I eat a hot dog and Kraft Dinner while Dad reads me stuff about Fantasty Baseball". But I was pretty happy anyway.


13 comments:

Julie Harrison said...

I love you. That is all.

Mary Lynn said...

What a fun post. "Does he play clean-up?" I love your witty family banter.

Steph Lovelady said...

That is what he meant. He just doesn't know it.

Steph Lovelady said...

p.s. N's b-day is May 3. I totally know what you mean about it rushing up at you out of nowhere.

Lynn said...

Adorable. I am smushy inside.

Collette said...

What Julie said.

Nicole said...

Don't tell Eve, but I got hit in the throat with a softball while playing slo-pitch in grad school and I ended up in the ER. But that's more of a reflection on my inability to catch a ball than the actual game itself.

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the mombshell said...

You have the best family.

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

I actually was hit in the head with a softball in high school (and wasn't wearing a hat) and was knocked out briefly. I've never been able to play softball since because IT'S TOO SCARY!!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Big goofy smile. Yep : )

Sasha said...

YES! I have that same draft folder. I think that's why comments seem to work better for me - no drafts. No second thoughts. I had some really great ideas for a post yesterday while out geocaching - they're now a mish mash of voice notes from the trail, a picture of my legs, and some tidbits hastily typed into notepad from the car. (Parked. Naturally.) I figure I'll have to get them typed up by tonight or they'll expire - if they haven't already.

And you have to explain the difference between baseball and softball to me. I was out geocaching with Meena on Wednesday (notice a theme? I really need to write that post. Probably several), and we walked past a couple of ball diamonds. She pointed them out "look, they're playing hockey!" "No, that's baseball." "You mean like softball?" "Ummm, yeah. But different."

And I know it's been said, but I LOVE YOUR FAMILY. You guys rock.


Sasha said...

Just to reiterate - my car really WAS parked. I'm not just being a smartass and saying "nudge nudge, wink wink, we *all* know that I REALLY mean I was driving, but I'm going to say I was parked because driving and texting is ILLEGAL."

No.

What I'm ACTUALLY SAYING is "I was still parked, in the parking lot, because driving and texting is ASININE. Punch punch, smack smack"

Just sayin'.