Thursday, January 24, 2013

Surly Thursday

Thesauruses (thesauri?) tend to make me surly. First of all, I have this irrational feeling that if I use a thesaurus, it's kind of cheating. It's not really a hundred percent my own work any more if I have to get a word consult. But more than that, doesn't it often turn out that using a thesaurus doesn't really work? I was writing an assignment and looking for a synonym for 'celebrate', as in 'celebrate diversity', but I'd already used 'celebrate', and didn't want to use it four more times. But 'beat the drum for diversity' really didn't seem appropriate. Neither did 'blow off steam' or 'carouse' or 'ceremonialize'. And 'drink to'? Yes, my marketing assignment was really going to fly with my brilliant plan to organize a book club for elementary school students wherein we all 'drink to diversity!'

So yeah, this course. It's called "Library Marketing and Advocacy". Except it just started being called that - last term, before they reworked the entire goddamned curriculum for Library and Information Technology Diploma, it was called "Client Services". I looked at this course title back when I started the program, and I thought "that course is going to be a walk in the park where I just write nice little papers about courtesy and treating clients with respect and delivering great customer service and bullshit like that". And I bet it WOULD HAVE BEEN if I'd taken it a couple of term ago. Bugger. BUGGER! As it is, my husband had to talk me down off a ledge last week as I was starting this assignment, because the only thing that freaks me out more than computer database work is anything that smacks of (shudder) SALES. I could not sell water in the desert. I could not sell potato chips to stoned people. I could not sell pasties to Rihanna. I do not possess the Marketing Gene.

And then people hurt my feelings on Twitter. And then people hurt my feelings on Blogger. And then people on Facebook made fun of string cheese, and people, the fact that I can have a cheese string and fifteen almonds at three-thirty is the only thing preventing me from committing shawarmageddon or a cheeseburgerpocalypse all over my Weight Watcher points right now, so just BACK THE FUCK OFF MY DELIGHTFULLY STRINGABLE DAIRY PRODUCT, WILL YA?

There's a package of chicken breasts in the fridge. I think if I have to cook it I'm actually going to kill myself.

Hannah's Surly Thursday post can be found here. So proud to be Spreading the Surly...




15 comments:

harriet glynn said...

Ha YES! Using a thesaurus IS cheating. Ha. And ahem ... celebrating diversity is a modern marketing cliche. BUT I can relate to assignment stress, and well, stress of all kinds and fragile feelings. Hope I didn't hurt your feelings on Twitter. Loving WOLF HALL; although, it's altogether way to smart and LEARNED (say that Homer Simpson style) for me really.

NatteringNic said...

*buries head in shame* I'm a cheater. I don't mean to be...I just get stuck with a word and cannot move-past-it.
Just really, really started using Twitter. It is kind of like everyone is doing that Arnold Horshack "Owh-owh-owh" in the faint hope that someone is paying attention. But no one is, because everyone is trying to get attention. Does that make sense?

StephLove said...

When I was in grad school and trying to pitch a class I wanted to teach on literary translation and getting nowhere, my sister suggested I call it "Literary Translation and Marketing" in order to get it approved.

And now I work for her. We write marketing materials for vitamins and other supplements. Oh, the irony.

And what's wrong with string cheese? Nothing, I say.

Amber Strocel said...

You're right, more often than not the thesaurus comes up short. Although the bit about elementary school students drinking to diversity made me laugh, so I guess it's not a total loss.

Hannah said...

There is nothing wrong with using a thesaurus. We need to keep Roget's family in fancy napkins SOMEHOW.

Selaine said...

Could anyone sell pasties to Rihanna? Don't sell yourself short (ha...see what I did there?)
I feel the same way re: thesuarus. However, not about 'googling' it. If it's not in a book does it count as cheating?
I live on string cheese. Sorry to hear your feelings were hurt.i enjoy your hunour.

Sasha said...

You know, I think the world would be a happier place if we all drank to diversity. Why not start'em early???

Sasha said...

PS. Using a thesaurus is not cheating. It's double-crossing, extracurricular, fast and loose, illicit, immoral, moonlighting, speedy, two-faced, two-timing, and unchaste.

Nothing wrong with that.

Sasha said...

PPS And can I just add, as a fellow thesaurus-user, in light of the above, I suddenly see myself in a much more exciting light than previously. I'd haul out a grammar guide now, but I don't think the world could take much more scintillating awesomeness.

PPPS I came up with "scintillating awesomeness" all. by. my. self.

Nicole said...

I like drinking to diversity.

Amy said...

I too always felt like using a thesaurus was cheating, though there was one assignment for a student teacher in high school... she thought I was brilliant and I still think about it.

I'm stealing shawarmageddon by the way.

Lynn said...

I am virtually MARRIED to Thesaurus.com. It's open in my browser at all times. I don't usually use it when blogging or commenting, but when writing for my other places (I felt like a dirty, dirty cheat just typing that), it's my saviour. I sound smart! And literate! Man, have I ever got the world FOOLED.

I WISH I could enjoy string cheese. Sadly, the dairy makes my family refer to me as "Stinky Mommy," and that's them being generous. You have an extra cheese string for me, now, that's a good girl.

alison said...

I like both string cheese and the thesaurus. I don't think of it as cheating, more as reminding me of words I already know but have temporarily slipped my mind.

Nan | Wrath Of Mom said...

I sometimes use an online thesaurus to find shorter synonyms for big words. THIS IS WHAT TWITTER HAS DONE TO MY VOCABULARIZING SKILLS!

Magpie said...

I tried to get my kid to eat real string cheese once, the kind that's tied in knots and is like a yard long. She would have no part of it.