New year, new....nope, same old me

For something fresh and original, I slept too late today and got up feeling vaguely disgusted with myself. I'm not sure what I did with the transcript I ordered so I could apply for my exemptions for my library tech program, I haven't put away all the Christmas decorations and I'm feeling anxious about picking up Eve for piano and buying groceries. That's right - I'm ever so slightly intimidated by A GROCERY STORE.

I've done quite a bit of reading about neuroplasticity over the past couple of years, and I'm a little worried that the years of behaviour generated by the years of sleep apnea have wired my brain in a way that's going to be very, very difficult to rewire even with the CPAP machine. It might not be possible. Or it might involve a lot of.... shudder..... HARD WORK.

Anyway, I'm now going to continue my tradition of stealing Hannah's meme for Year in Review posts, along with the tradition of doing it at least a week into the new year.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before? Went to a blogging conference. Went to New York City. (The blogging conference was in New York City). Did an overnight sleep study in order to be formally diagnosed with sleep apnea and started using a CPAP machine.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year? No, I don't make resolutions at new year's. I feel like it's setting myself up for failure. Not that I need resolutions to set myself up for failure. I fail a lot. I'm awesome at failing. Maybe I should resolve to fail at stuff. Okay, sorry; the only thing I'm resolving to do this year is the same thing I try to do every year (it's SO HARD not to type 'TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD here) - keep challenging myself, keep doing stuff I find frightening (like answering the phone even when the display says 'number blocked'), keep trying to learn and grow and not suck as a wife and mother and person.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Hannah, if you count online friends (which I do). My friend Susanne had her baby last November (December?) so I did get a few baby visits in, though. My friend Cynthia is pregnant, so yay for more baby visits and boo for the useless third-baby yearning it always sets off.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No. But thanks for reminding me that I'm due.

5. What countries did you visit? St. Lucia and the U.S.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? Patience. Focus. Abs.

7. What date(s) from 2012 will remain etched in your memory, and why? None, because I don't remember dates. Moments? The time in March Break when Eve swam the full length of the big pool at the community centre which meant she was allowed to be in the pool without me; the baseball game in the Provincials championship that Angus's team played where they were so clearly going to lose and then they won in the most Disney-movie-like fashion imaginable; an awesome night of drunken revelry in Montreal with high school friends.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I dunno. I finished three more courses towards my library tech diploma and went to a huge blogging conference in a big city all by myself and didn't chicken out or end up whimpering in a McDonald's bathroom?

9. What was your biggest failure? I'm going to go ahead and borrow Hannah's 'umbrage at the word failure' as well as her entire meme (got any sugar, Hannah, in case I want to bake later?), but I would like to do better at not eating crap and keeping a budget this year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury this year? Nothing too bad, other than finding out that I hadn't had a really good night's sleep for most of my life, and the grievous wound to my pride that happened here.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Our January vacation, if that counts as a bought thing. My awesome dress. Two really pretty bras.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? My kids'. They are really good kids. I forget to give them chores because I'm forgetful and disorganized and they do chores anyway. If I ever fall asleep while reading or watching tv with Eve, she covers me with a blanket or her sweater and kisses me on the cheek.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? The NRA, the Westboro Baptist Church, most of the people who comment on online news articles (why do I ever read the comments? why?), and occasionally my own (ask my husband. I can be a real bitch).

14. Where did most of your money go? Household maintenance. The air conditioner packed up this year, we needed a new fridge and washer and dryer (oh, I forgot my new fridge and washer and dryer for best things I bought, I LOVE LOVE LOVE them. Sometimes I make out with the fridge when no one's around.)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? HELLOOOOO, new fridge? Double doors? Extra deep door shelves so I can find the taco sauce in under ten seconds EVERY TIME? Automatic ice maker? Big gorgeous vegetable drawers? Oh god, I need to get out more, don't I?

16. What songs will always remind you of 2012? None, because I can never remember when any song came out. Seriously. Ask my sister, who knows what year every song, movie, Olympic event and car commercial happened in.

17. Compared to this time last year you are.... My immediate impulse is to say 'depressingly the same', but I know that's just how I feel right now. I'm closer to getting my diploma and being employable for the first time in.... whatever, let's not count, it will just make me sad. I'm closer to knowing what it feels like to have enough sleep, I am, I am, I totally am, me and my brain will FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT. I've made a few new friends and not lost any that I know of.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Playing the piano. Writing. Exercising. Playing with my kids AND cleaning the house, because I know they say you'll regret not doing the first more than the second but let's face it, the second thing has to happen at SOME point.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Being anxious.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Seriously? People do these before Christmas? I spent Christmas with family and friends. I did Christmas Eve dinner and my mother made Christmas dinner and brought it over here so the kids would be at home with all their Christmas presents, making me realize that 1) my mother fucking rocks it and 2) I need to grow up and cook the goddamned turkey one of these years. My sister and her family came after Christmas and we hung out for a few days. We had friends over for New Year's. It was all fairly relaxed and very convivial.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? Did I mention my new fridge? I only put the prettiest magnets on it. We have something very special.

22. How many one night stands? Ew. Get bent, you sleazy meme.

23. What was your favourite TV program? Homeland, Dr. Who, Community. I had heard people talk about Community and I knew it was one of those shows I 'should' be watching, but never got into it. Then I watched a few with Zarah in the fall, and they were awesome, but then I forgot about it again. Then I started marathoning them while wrapping Christmas gifts and then watched a bunch more on my new iPad while curled up in bed with bronchitis. I can't adequately describe how much I love it. It reminds me of two of my favourite past shows - Picket Fences and Northern Exposure - in that it admits the possibility of weirdness in everyday life. I only have four episodes left. Wah.

24. Do you hate anyone you didn't hate this time last year? Probably, but in this case it's kind of nice to have such a crappy memory.

25. What was the best book you read? I'll save this for my 2012 book review post.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I don't really make musical discoveries. I wait for other people to make them, and then I decide whether to jump on the bandwagon or pretend I'm too sophisticated for the bandwagon.

27. What did you want and get? Passing marks on my courses - even the really, really hard one. Books. Fridges. Hugs and kisses. Alexis Hinde's empanada recipe.

28. What was your favourite film of this year? Uh, crappy memory problems again. Was Hugo this year? Was 50/50 this year? I loved those. I don't have terribly sophisticated taste in movies, though. I liked The Avengers too. And Les Mis, but more on that in a post where I tell David Denby to suck it. Oh! Oh! The Cabin in the Woods! Horror movie (which I love) through the filter of Joss Whedon (who I adore) - SO SO GOOD. Okay, actually it says it's a 2011 film, whatever.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? My girlfriends took me out for dinner and to see Bridesmaids. I was 42.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If the CPAP machine had been more miraculously comprehensive and immediate in its effects, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Leather studded corset and stiletto heels, of course.

32. What kept you sane? Blogging. Twitter. Online friendships. Pam.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I really tried not to steal Hannah's on this one, but I really can't improve on perfection. Plus, he was in The Cabin in the Woods.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Women's reproductive rights (in the States and here) and the struggle between the government and the teachers' union in Ontario. Oy.

35. Who did you miss? My sister. Zarah. My brothers-in-law and their families. Everyone who lives too damned far away. When I see them it's both wonderful and bittersweet because it reminds me how awesome it would be if we could see each other regularly.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Kim.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. Uh. That most valuable life lessons take a lifetime to be learned? And have to be learned over and over again? So this question is a tiny bit silly? Or else I just can't think of one, so shut up?

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. When your whole life is on the tip of your tongue/ Empty phrases for the no-longer-young/ The apathy of time laughs in your face/ Did you hear me say/ Each life has its place.


Hannah said…
I thought I was the only person who fell in love with appliances. I see that I am not, and it brings us even closer together. You and I need to spend a drunken weekend... in a Cabin in the Woods... with Chris Hemsworth... and your new fridge.

collette said…
I absolutely and utterly HATE your song lyric choice., funny, witty, insightful, sexy, honest...but that De-F@*^$ing-pressing!

Shan said…
I think I'm in love with your fridge.
Wrath Of Mom said…
God bless you for #33.
Nicole said…
Why isn't Pinky and the Brain in syndication? One is a genius, the other's insane!

Your fridge sounds awesome. One huge regret I have of renovating the kitchen was not keeping my old fridge in the basement. I want a big giant fridge! I never have room. Alas, my kitchen is not large enough to house such an appliance. I'm jealous!

I also think I need to play the piano more. I think we should play at the same time, maybe even the same songs! The Entertainer, perhaps? Fur Elise? 3:00 today!
Mary Lynn said…
You're so awesome. Love this post.

"Seriously? People do these before Christmas?"

Made me snort.
Kim said…
Yay! I am bringing all my bestness to this comment.

Ahem. I really feel you on fridge love. I do NOT like leaving this one here, because I feel like--and I mean, I do not know the person who bought this house--but there is no way she can love the fridge as much as I do. The only thing that makes this okay is that just like any other heartbreak I will eventually hit the point where I can get Back on the Horse and start reading and researching and buying a new one. LUST.

I am really, truly glad I met you, too. You did good things for my 2012.
clara said…
OK Hi, happy new year! I don't love my fridge. I avoid looking too closely at it, actually. It came with our house and our house is 12 years old. And I am a filth pig. You can put the rest together, I guess.

But I love the song lyric and would like to know what song it's from thanks.

Thanks for helping me stay sane on twitter. Thanks for being you in a world of not-yous.

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