Communication Fail 2.0

Eve is fairly mature for an almost-ten-year-old. She expresses herself pretty well and has a reasonably extensive vocabulary. For this reason, I sometimes forget that she is, in fact, only nine years old and sometimes she doesn't catch all the nuances of a given situation. Usually it's not hard to figure out when she gets confused, because she huffs out "This is too confusing!" and flounces away, but sometimes she doesn't say anything and it's only much later that it becomes clear that she was completely in the dark.

Case in point: The final Harry Potter movie. Angus was going to the premiere with a friend and the friend's little brother was going so she begged us to take her too even though she hadn't read all the books or had them read to her. So we did. She said she liked it. Then later she was talking about the scene where Snape is watching his memories in the pensieve and he remembers finding Harry's mother dead after Voldemort kills her. It turns out that Eve thought that was Snape remembering KILLING Harry's mother.

Yesterday we were baking cookies and listening to Christmas music. Sarah McLachlan's version of River was on the playlist and we had listened to it a few times in the last few days (Eve can really belt out that high note thanks to the singing lessons but then she gasps theatrically and says "how does she hold her BREATH for that long?").

So the song starts playing again. She listens for a bit, playing with a bowl of flour, then says "I don't really understand this song, but it seems sad." Pause. "Did she kill her son?" I drop my rolling pin and say "NO! What the hell? No! It's not that kind of baby! Do you think Justin Bieber means a real baby when he sings baby baby baby?" She says "No, but", and Sarah sings "I made my baby cry". I say "okay, fair enough. But do you really think I would put a song about infanticide on our Christmas playlist?" Eve laughs. Sarah sings "I made my baby say good-bye." I say "SEE? How would he say good-bye if he was dead?" Eve says "Well I thought it meant goodbye in a different sense. As in, say goodbye to the world. Because I'm gonna kill you."

She's now learning I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus in singing lessons. And she still believes in  Santa. Can just imagine where we're going to end up with that one.


StephLove said…
Um, so what did she make of "he loved me so naughty made me weak in the knees"? Different kind of naughty, I guess.
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alison said…
Yipes! I see what you mean, lol. Dead babies just scream Christmas, don't you think?
harriet glynn said…
LOL! Good to know. I know Theo is only three but I've been testing his understanding lately and let me tell you, it can be a wee bit limited. He'll say where is my X? And so I tell him and make him follow my instructions. This how I learned that he has no idea what a bookshelf it. *sigh* ... not nearly the same as killing your baby!!
Lynn said…
Hilarious! Oh that Eve. (Brainstorm: NEW SITCOM TITLE. It's perfect!)

I adore that version of River by Sarah M. However, I've had to ban it from my playlist as I get into a serious wallow every time it comes on. Last year I had it on repeat and man, was that ever a downer of a Christmas.
One of the songs Em likes is Summer Paradise with the line "I'll be there in a heartbeat.". That line has caused quite a bit of confusion. I love how kids process the world. It's quite interesting.
clara said…
Oh That Eve is a great sitcom title.

Christmas songs are a minefield, man.Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, Santa Baby, eep.

Of course my radio played a song with "Turn out the lights / take off your clothes / turn up the stereo" this morning and my 4.5 year old was all, WHAT? TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES? WHAT? WHY? WHY ARE THE LIGHTS OUT? WHERE ARE HIS PAJAMAS! so I now understand why parents turn off the radio and just sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall while they're driving. I nearly drove into a lamp post I was laughing so hard.
Ms. G said…
Oh Allison. I didn't even want to come near a computer or communicate with the human race today. But I did anyway and I thank you for the laugh because I didn't know I was capable of it and needed it more than I can express : )
Amber Strocel said…
Okay, this really made me laugh. A lot. I will never be able to listen to "River" with a straight face again.

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