Who's the Nuttiest of Them All?

I was just emailing one of the commenters from yesterday's post saying that I wish people didn't have to feel like they have to say "my anxiety isn't as bad as yours" when talking about their anxiety. I really don't think I'm the Queen of Anxiety. I'm not the anxiousest in the land. But also, wtf is up with all the anxiety? Is it the genetically engineered corn? Is it a by-product of people idling their cars? Is Dr. Doofenshmirtz blasting us all with an Anxiety-inator?

Everyone in the Tri-State area will henceforth weep with agonized indecision when asked 'paper or plastic?'

For me right now, transitions are especially bad. I changed clothes five times trying to get out of the house to go to the school. Then I went to the portable which is Eve's classroom but the teacher wasn't there. By the time I found the correct room, I was sweaty and breathless and ready to burst into tears. But once I was in the room, I was totally fine. Of course, the fact that the main message was "tell Eve to keep being awesome" didn't hurt, but even if there were issues I think I would have been okay. I just can't get myself from 'at home making soup' to 'at school talking to teachers and helping at book fair' without much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. 

The book fair was fine - fun, even. I knew most of the people I was working with, except one woman who was blonde and pretty and very nice but didn't quite get me, and I felt bad that I kept making her sort of freak out. I started filling out an order form and I did it at the top instead of the bottom which was not correct but also not the end of the world, but she was blushing and hyperventilating trying to point out my mistake and she kept saying "I'm sorry", so I patted her on the shoulder and said "it's fine. And believe me, this won't be the last time tonight that you have to tell me YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG",  but that didn't seem to help. She didn't stay long after that - I'm hoping that was planned and that I didn't scare her away.

Most people were incredibly nice, even when there was a line-up or we screwed up with the credit/debit machine. Then there was one woman. I was doing pretty well with the adding stuff up in my head, but it was late in the night and I was tired. Generally, I would tell people the total, they would give me some money and I would do the "13.50, fourteen, fifteen, and five is twenty" while counting their change out of the box. This woman did that thing where it was six-fifty and she gave me a twenty and then five dimes. And.... I was lost. I knew it should be simple, but my brain seized up and I was too embarrassed to use the calculator, and so I tried counting the change out. She just looked at me, so I said "did I do that right?" and she said "No. It was six-fifty and I gave you twenty-fifty and you gave me thirteen." And then just looked at me some more. Until I said "You need fourteen?" And she said "Yes." So I gave her another loonie and an unvoiced wish that her eyebrows would be infested with public lice because wtf? She needed to dispense a little humiliation instead of just asking nicely for another dollar? She's lucky I didn't take her out with a moustache eraser.

I picked up the kids from my Mom and Dad's and we went home. Eve babbled at me for a bit, and then I explained that I'd been at the book fair all evening and I really needed some no-talking time, so she kissed me on the cheek and went upstairs. She came down a while later and said "I was thinking it was about six o'clock, and then I wondered why my eyes were closing and I really wanted a hug from you and I realized it's NINE." So she crawled into Matt's spot with her Fuzzy over her head and went to sleep and I came to bed and it was the first time she slept with me while I had my CPAP mask on and lasted all night. So that was nice.


Sasha said…
People can one-up each other for the dumbest reasons. You're not doing that, and your commenter wasn't doing that, but I'm always worried when I try to sympathize with someone that it might seem like I'm doing that.

Like the post in question - I wanted to say something about how I wonder if I have anxiety issues, and that I worry about it all the time (ha. But it's still true).
Nicole said…
The book fair - did you notice how many of Scholastic's prices were kind of wonky? Like something would be priced at $2.30 or $2.20 instead of $2.25? The kids would be there with their quarters all messed up. anyhoo. I plan on complaining about it to the Scholastic people.
Wrath Of Mom said…
I'm allowed to ask for no-talking time?! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME!!!?!?
Alicia said…
I'm still trying to figure out the math on that woman's change. I would have been screwed. And Eve sounds like a sweetheart. I want no-talking time!
clara said…
I'm so glad for you and Nicole blogging about the scholastic book fair because ours isn't till next week (same day as the pt interview) and now I know to look out for moustache erasers and weird prices.

Anxiety is a bitch. But Eve is the sweetest.
StephLove said…
I think it's good you write about your anxiety--not that you have it, that's definitely Not Good-- but it gives those of us who don't have it a glimpse inside. My partner has anxiety but she's not that communicative about what it's like so it's helpful to me.
Julie said…
i love Dr. Doofenshmirtz!
Ms. G said…
"I changed clothes five times trying to get out of the house" Exactly. What is that? And truly, why are so many of us so damn anxious! My friend Elissa commented on it in an email. It's like a plague.

And how did you accomplish this?:
"I explained that I'd been at the book fair all evening and I really needed some no-talking time, so she kissed me on the cheek and went upstairs."
Seriously? Where did you get this wonderful child. I've been trying for 25 years and still no luck.
Amber Strocel said…
My own opinion on the anxiety is that we weren't made to live in a world with this much constant stimulation. I read something somewhere that said we experience more adrenaline in a 15-minute car trip than most people throughout history experienced in a year. All those blinky lights and beeping sounds and all that totally trigger me, anyway.

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