I Can't Go On I'll Go On

T minus 48 hours before I leave for BlogHer and I've never felt more conflicted about blogging. Is that ironic? Or just pathetic?

I've said many times that I've gotten everything I wanted out of blogging: an outlet for writing; a great community; a bunch of wonderful, creative, hilarious new friends; and a few free books. 

I am opposed to the concept of unrestrained growth. I hated when I worked at Chapters and they were always on us to push the stupid rewards card on everyone - look, some people just want to come in and buy their frigging book of crossword puzzles and pay and leave, okay? People who regularly come in and buy a buttload of books probably already have the card, and people who don't want it just get pissed off when you ask them AGAIN if they want it. (Mysteriously, I've never taken an aptitude test that suggested I would be good in sales). 

I don't like the idea of constantly having to grow my blog, expand my readership, create a brand, find new markets etc. etc. either. Some people start out blogging as a business and make it work really well, which is great for them. Some people fall into a good way to monetize what they're already doing - this makes me both admiring and jealous. I can't do it. It has nothing to do with integrity - I'm just too self-conscious, or lazy, or inconsistent in my interests, to make this work.

That said, I am feeling a slight sense of blog malaise at the moment. Maybe it's just the summer, or the beginning-of-summer craziness with driving/houseguests/baseball/baseball/baseball. But I'm considering the fact that I might need to put a bit more thought into what I want this blog to be (and by 'a bit more' I mean 'any'), although I swear on the lives of my children that you will never ever find the words 'mission statement' used here, and if you do you have my permission to heap digital spit-covered scorn on me. 

So. I will try to be less lazy about taking and posting crappy pictures with my sub-standard cameras. I will try to be less chickenshit about wading into discussions about controversial current events. I will try to screw up more recipes and go on more painful and humiliating field trips for your mocking pleasure. And if all else fails, Eve's still nine - surely I can wring a few more cute misstatements or hilarious amusing anecdotes out of her before I shut this baby down forever. Oh! Oh! Here: a picture of her play at the end of drama camp here in Ottawa. The five girls wrote the play together with their counsellor: Eve plays a mean orphanage director named Mrs. Doublebutt (pronounced Doob-lay-boo) who takes in two orphan girls and mistreats them, but then Santa comes and they wake up so he offers to grant them two wishes if they'll pretend they never saw him, and then there's a dance-off - what? Shut up, they had three days, it was awesome.


Julie said…
that sounds like the best mash up of annie, step up and the polar express ever!

i just checked, july 14 last year was the last day i posted on my blog. sigh. do i miss it? not really. though sometimes i wish i had an annonymous twitter account to lay out some the crazy shit that goes on in my head.

hm, how did this turn into all about me? oh, right! i don't blog anymore.

i have to say that i have pretty much turned away for almost all of the blogs that have gone mission-statmenty (it's a word!) and who have monetized. i felt they got pretensious and lost their genuiness (yes, another word!). so please stay normal. well, your normail! :)
Mary Lynn said…
Every good play ends with a dance off. Didn't Shaw say that? Or maybe Checkov...

If you're looking for blog advice from people who no longer blog, clearly Julie and I are here for you! It's fine to decide what you want your blog to be, if you think that'll help. That said, as a reader, I certainly don't mind that you haven't defined what exactly your blog is about. I kinda love how you just happen to write about what's on your mind on a given day.
NatteringNic said…
Have fun at Blogher! I'm so jealous! I feel like the kid who forgot her permission slip so instead of boarding the school bus for fun and frivolity, I have to spend the day with the librarian. Great pics BTW!
StephLove said…
Looks like an excellent play. What is it with mean orphanage directors, though? Since performing in a revue of songs from Annie, J keeps asking if all people who work in orphanages are mean.
Alicia said…
Have fun at BlogHer. Can't wait to read all about it :)
Lynn said…
Hope you have a great time - I'm super interested in hearing what you think of it. I always wanted to go to Blogher, but the cost got in the way, and then in recent years I kind of got zen about how my blog was about everything and nothing about how I didn't have the energy to try to make it into the World's Most Profitable Blog, so I kind of lost my drive. So I'll be really interested to see if you found it to be generally inspiring and helpful, or just not quite the right market for you.

I miss Julie and Mary Lynn's blogs. They are both freakin' hilarious.
Jane said…
I'm looking forward to reading your impressions of BlogHer. Yep. That's me. Living vicariously through you and all the other attendees. Sigh.
Ms. G said…
Hope you are having the time of your life! And once you figure out what your blog should be, maybe you could figure out what mine should be and let me know ; )

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