My Own Worst Enemy

Okay, so who's going to strong-arm me into keeping my appointment with the allergist on Thursday? Does anyone else wait months and months to see specialists who might be able to address a years-long problem and then get incredibly, morbidly pessimistic about the whole thing as the appointment approaches? No? Just me? Somebody throw me a frikking bone here?

I do this all the time. Allergist, sleep specialists, respirologists, endocrinologists. I write it on the calendar in big letters and feel like I've done something positive and pro-active. Then as the appointment approaches I think, oh why bother? What if he's mean? What if he's arrogant and dismissive? What if he thinks I'm just a fat hysterical housewife? What if he's one of those doctors who angered by that woman who came up with the plastic-wrap wrinkle cure? I don't have many wrinkles - WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M USING IT?

Of course, a lot of specialists ARE mean bastards. When I had the infection that ate up my face in grad school my dermatologist (who was a sweetheart of a man, and his receptionist always fit me in when my face blew up again) sent me to an endocrinologist who, when I confessed that I'd cried a little that morning, said "oh, you were feeling sorry for yourself?" Dude - I was twenty-four, trying to finish a Master's degree and I looked like a burn victim from some infection no one could diagnose. Yeah, a few tears were shed, asshole. But a lot of them aren't mean, or dismissive, and here's the stupid part - I've seen this allergist before, years ago, and he was lovely.

So yeah - I'm an idiot. And I'm aware of it. But I'm still going to fight myself every step of the way. It's just what I do.



Nicole said…
Plastic wrap wrinkle cure? What does that mean?

I'm sure your appointment will go fine!
Julie said…
arm wrestle? what time and where? i'll beat you into submission for your own good. ;)
the queen said…
IS THAT THE MOM DERMATOLOGISTS HATE? I'm so proud of myselkf for never clicking that link. Thank you for letting me know. What abpout the ten dollar tooth whitening trick, also discovered by a mom?
mindreader said…
Clara and I both were "allergy-tested" the same day last September. I was glad to be there, going through it with her. It was a good distraction for us to chat while we both wanted to scratch our arms off! The specialist was somewhat dismissive and entering stuff on his laptop constantly while we were meeting with him, but at the end, he printed off an extremely detailed sheet for each of us to take home...great for people like me who can't remember the billion bits of info they brain-dump on you at these appts! Plus, he had a totally dry sense of humour. As frustrating as it may seem, it's worth it to at least be able to "scratch" it off the list...OMG I can be sooo punny. You can do it!
Oh boy, you have no idea just how well I can relate to your post!

I've had some horrific medical-related experiences, usually due to doctors who happened to be smug jerks.

I hate going to specialists but must because I have AS (ankylosing spondylitis), an autoimmune condition. I resent being treated like a simple-minded kindergartner by physicians.

*deep breath*

Must stop now before my comment turns into a real rant & becomes novel length. LOL

Great thought-provoking post!
Anonymous said…
Thursday I get to see my specialist - of whom I am not a fan. But she is the only one in the city so every 18 months I put on my big girl panties and go. Misery loves company - so please - keep your appointment! The dogeared magazines and stale coffee smell will seem less so knowing someone else shares my fate.
harriet glynn said…
I have a rreally hard time getting help. I've had horrifying allergies for most of my life and FINALLY, at age, well over 40, my doctor prescribed me some Flornase, which apparently everyone and their DOG uses. GAWD.

Good Luck! Keep batting for yourself.
clara said…
You are going to that appointment. Between now and then I want you to picture yourself going to the appointment, and getting good information from it, and then afterwards meeting someone for a treat. Treat, someone, those are your choice. After the appointment, you can have a treat.

I don't do this with medical specialists only because I have not yet needed one, but I do it with *every fucking thing else* in my life and I hate it about myself and I always feel WORSE when I back out of something I really wanted / needed to do, so on Thursday I don't want you to feel worse. I want you to feel better.
Lynn said…
SO totally. I am like this not just with every medical professional ever, but also haircut appointments, spa appointments (snort, as if I ever make one) and massages/physical therapies and the like. GAH.

I'm so proud of you for actually going. Maybe we should start a support group and we'll start with your testimony. You're an inspiration!

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