Thursday, October 6, 2011

Surly Thursdays

On the off-chance that you're also feeling like crap - or even if you're not - go read this. It will either make you laugh and forget how crappy you feel or it will make you laugh until you feel even more headachey and barfish, but it will be worth it.

I'm off-kilter. I know, considering how seldom I am actually on-kilter, that statement is practically devoid of all meaning. I must be doing not that bad, though, because I've had a nagging headache, stabbing lower back pain and a sort of medium-queasy stomach for four days now and it's taken me until about an hour ago to develop the theory that it might be some non-specific full-body cancer (and by 'develop the theory' I naturally mean 'become totally convinced').

I got called a smart-ass by Amber a few days ago. You know, Amber? The nicest person in blogging? Once she was talking about how she believes in activism but she finds it intimidating to put herself out there, and most commenters were like 'yeah, totally, me too', but one was like 'then you're a cowardly lazy BAD CITIZEN and you should probably just crawl in a hole', and Amber said to this commenter that maybe she could dial it back a bit because she wanted her blog to be a safe and comfortable place for everyone. Dude, she makes her blog safe and comfortable EVEN FOR DOUCHEBAGS. When douchebags come to my blog I want them to be stabbed in the eye with the spiky hurtful crazy (uncertain how this is different from anyone else who comes to my blog, but the intent is different). And she called me a smart-ass (can't really blame her: she tweeted something like "there's not much that a sunny day can't make better" and I tweeted back "except maybe a drought".) So I'm thinking this is something I might have to work on, because it's literally like I CAN'T STOP MYSELF. And I just read a post by someone the other day about how she's now choosing to focus on the positive and be happy, and not everyone is pleased about it, but she's tired of negativity and complaining and snark.

Tired... of SNARK?

It occurs to me that I may have developed a snark dependency. I don't think I can get through the day without snark. I don't know if I want to live in a world without snark, and that's not good, right?

Okay, I'm going to try to go snark-free for the next few hours. I'll let you know how it works out. And Amber, if I run into any douchebags, I will do my level best to make them safe and comfortable. Because I think it would be good for me to be a little bit more like you and a little bit less like me.

19 comments:

Nicole said...

You know, I've always wondered about people who are just total douchebags and leave douchey comments on people's sites. Not the "I disagree" comments but actual drive-by anonymous trolling comments. The "I hate you and you suck and you're the worst writer in the world and we're all going to die because of you" comments. If someone hates a site so much, why do they read it? I just don't get it. But I DO like snark - a little snark. I like YOUR snark.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

You have just the right amount of smart ass. Everybody needs some snarky sometime.

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

I am so sorry that I missed that drought tweet because that's golden right there. I also find it hard not to say all the things that come into my head. And usually the things that come into my head are some sort of snark. But I do try....It's HARD, yo.

Julie said...

oh please don't loose the snark. then i will be left all alone in my snarky ways. and i don't want to be all alone, making fun of the people who are sunshine and happiness all day. :)

Nan | WrathOfMom said...

I totally agree: Amber IS the nicest person in blogging! I also think you are a smart-ass and I mean that in really, really good way. And I'm not being snarky about that. Not one bit.

Lynn said...

I absolutely come here for the snark. Don't ever change, honey.

alison said...

Snark makes the world go round.

Mary Lynn said...

Maybe I don't want to feel safe and comfortable on your site. Did you ever think of that? Hmmmm? I don't think you did, did you?

You know...it's funny...I love Amber's site and I love your site, but you are two very different people with two very different sites, and I kind of like it that way. You both bring something to the internet that is special and uniquely your own. So there!

clara said...

I know what you mean. I was pretty much born snarky, but sometimes I wish I could dial it back, give the last word to someone else, shut my damn cake hole already! ARGH!

Flowers! And sunshine! And goodwill to all! Usually right after I think that I read a news story about something asinine and then I'm back where I started.

Anyway. You keep being you. That's an imperative. Order. Thingee. And now it's Friday, so I hope your mysterious illness has gone poof.

Amber said...

Yeah, what Mary Lynn said. Yours & Strocel are the only two blogs I have time to check in on anymore. I must have found one of you via the other? Because otherwise that is just weird. :)

the mombshell said...

You are on twitter?!?! Every single time I'm on twitter I always think, this would be so much better with Allison!

collette said...

Don't you dare go doing some 7 habits to awaken the giant and influence people crap to somehow improve your inner or outer self or whatever. Don't go changing a single thing- least of all your quick wit or "snark".

Amber said...

I think it's important to point out that I called you a smart ass and then said, AND THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU. Because it is. I honestly wouldn't have considered a drought, because I live in a place where drought is defined as "it hasn't rained in like two weeks and we have to actually water our gardens!" So, you know, perspectives and all that.

Look, you need to be the best you that you can be. My gig is already taken. And I love you just as you are, so don't change.

Also? I've had two and a half glasses of wine as I type, and I sort of love everyone. If you come across me right now, there may be inappropriate hugging. But not smart-assery, because that's just not my personal strength.

cynthia said...

dumb unruly crack whore douchebags leaving comments are mostly just jealous.

Kelly said...

STAY GOLD, PONYBOY. STAY GOLD.

Shan said...

Ok so Kelly's comment made me snort tea out my nose. Words to live by. For real life.

Also, tired of snark? I don't understand what that means. Snark is one of my most favourite things. I am full of it.

Pam said...

Surly Thursdays are a great concept. I am aiming to park my perpetual niceness at the door and work on my snark that day. Tis good for the soul.

Gwen said...

LMAO! I love the snark!

I am very distressed to hear about the non-specific full body cancer. I, too, may have the same affliction...except I also suffer from arbitrary, nondescript, mobile disorder (or ANMD for short).

Singleton said...

I have been following your blog for a while now and have just started my own thanks, in large part, to the inspiration I have received from your snark! You are hilarious.