TMI Wednesdays - don't say you weren't warned.

My kids made an adorable video of them singing happy birthday to my husband on Angus's ipod touch, since he's in California this week and his birthday was on Monday. I can't figure out how to get it on here, so you'll just have to take my word for it that it's adorable. You likely wouldn't find it as adorable as a video of your own kids singing happy birthday to your own husband in California, because apparently everyone else with kids is deluded by DNA and years of evolution into thinking that their kids are cuter than mine.

After he called home the first time, I told the kids that Daddy had used a bad word when talking about the hotel he was staying in. They giggled. I asked them if they wanted to hear what it was. They beamed happily and nodded. I said it quietly. A little later, Eve was talking about rockets and suddenly she said "but I probably shouldn't say it". I asked her what the heck she was talking about and she said "you know, like you said before about Daddy's hotel room... (whispering) it was a shuttle?" I said "I didn't say shuttle, I said shithole".

After my chiropractor appointment today I stopped at the drug store that's right on the way home, which is a Shopper's Drug Mart but not my usual one. The usual one is closer but I was going to the community centre to register Eve for swimming lessons and I would be going home a different way. Don't you hate going to a store that's the same but different from your regular one? Nothing's in the right place, but it all looks basically the same so it keeps fooling you into thinking it should be. I needed advil and kleenex and HEMORRHOIDAL OINTMENT (for which I blame the children). Once I almost stabbed a guy because he stood there for like twenty minutes lingering right in front of the HEMORRHOIDAL OINTMENT and I didn't really want to say "excuse me, I just need to reach past you to grab this HEMORRHOIDAL OINTMENT". Anyway, this Shoppers Drug Mart was stupid. I found laxatives and gas suppressants and all manner of stuff related to the ass, and no HEMORRHOIDAL OINTMENT. Shouldn't they logically keep all the ass stuff together?

And on that note, you should really read my friend Patti's very important post on a very important medical test, which I totally meant to segue into at this point because obviously I wouldn't go on and on about HEMORRHOIDAL OINTMENT just for cheap laughs. Although I did feel an explicable urge to giggle like an idiot when someone used the word 'rectify' the other day.


Nicole said…
OMG, I'm dying laughing here because not only do I totally get the "it's a store in the chain but not MY store" but "rectify" and "shuttle", heh.

Yes, they really should keep all the ass stuff together. Once my in-laws were visiting and my FIL forgot to pack his colostomy bags (I know, TMI) but when he went to the drugstore to get more they refused to give it to him because he didn't have a prescription. WTF? Why? Are people really making off with colostomy bags for their meth labs? WHY?
Julie said…
your hubby and my hubby have the same birthday. huh.

i've had the procedure patti talks about. nothing like a tube up your butt to tell yourself "i love you."
Anonymous said…
I agree all the ass stuff should be in the same spot!
Anonymous said…
They should totally put laxatives and hemorrhoid treatments together. It's so obvious.

And I know what you mean about the almost-but-not-quite-the-same stores. It's so confusing. I think they should either make them exactly the same, or totally different. But the near match is just plain inconsiderate.
Wrath Of Mom said…
Don't you hate going to a store that's the same but different from your regular one? This is obviously an urbanite issue because I have no idea what you are talking about. None. Not. A. One.
Gwen said…
What are you talking about? You're kids are TOTALLY cuter than mine! :) Except, of course, if mine were singing Happy Birthday to their father in California. That would be wicked cute.

Hope your bottom is feeling better.

As long as you're funny, there's no such thing as TMI...and you are WICKED FUNNY!
Patti Murphy said…
Thanks for the link. Rectify always makes me laugh too. Wish I thought to work it into my post.

Did you make an inquiry that was broadcast over the store PA system?

Awesome post.I had a swell time reading it :)
alison said…
Bwahaha. I'm with Amber, either the stores should be exactly the same or totally different. And I'm juvenile enough to be amused by rectify and the use of erect, no matter how properly or appropriately it's used.
Jane said…
Rectify? You just made me spew my tea all over the keyboard!
Stacia said…
I will go out of my way to shop at "my" store. With three kids perpetually in tow, I gotta know where everything is so I can get in and get out. (Or I go nuts!)

PS: Thanks for visiting me at Kelly's today. So nice to "meet" you!
Kelly Miller said…
That happened to me in the stool softener section when I was pregnant with Bella. Seriously old dude? You have to hang out right in front of the Dulcolax? WTF.

Hope your ass is feeling better!
The people that stand directly in front of the item I need on the shelves always get stabbed by me. It's why I carry a nail file in my pocket.

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