Thursday, February 18, 2010

Odds and Ends. Mostly Odds.

I'm tired. I have a headache. I'm irredeemably blogcked (blog blocked -- has someone already made up that word? It seems to me like that word should have been made up a long time ago, but I've been told I don't exactly run on the same operating system as a lot of people that, if you want to be all conventional, you might call 'normal', so I can't be sure. I guess I could google it. What do you think a time-traveller from a hundred years ago would find weirder about today -- that we exercise for fun, or that we talk about 'googling' things several times a day?) It's February 18th. Crap, I was supposed to put clothing donations out for the Canadian Diabetes Association before eight o'clock this morning. I guess if they show up now I'll just grab the nearest pile of junk, shove it in a garbage bag and send them on their merry diabetic way. I will now dispense 18 random thoughts, because clearly today is not the day to try to achieve coherency.

1. From where I'm sitting I can see a three-day-old piece of pizza and a twelve-day-old cupcake. How have I allowed us to live like this?

2. I sort of want a dog. Up until a few months ago I still wanted another baby, and I still kind of do, but I'm clearly too old and broken for another baby, so I've transferred my longing to a puppy. Of course, if I have to teach something where to pee and poop and it's going to wake me up several times a night and I have to walk it twice a day whether i feel like walking or not and I can't go away for the week-end...

3. I want a cactus.

4. I don't really understand why someone who's won a gold medal comes back to the next Olympics and tries to win another gold medal. Geez man, you did it -- you achieved the pinnacle of success in your sport. Why spend another four years trying not to get any worse, so you can come back and either do the exact same thing in which case yippee again, or do worse, in which case, won't you kind of feel like a big dork? Dude -- move on.

5. Would eating a twelve-day-old cupcake kill you?

6. Why do I go to Chapters and think I'll be able to remember all the titles of the books I want to get from the library without writing them down? Is it the same reason I think that eating dessert at every meal including breakfast won't keep me from losing weight?

7. Did you know that there's a journal called Emergency Librarian?

8. Do you think the creators of Law and Order and CSI knew that their major accomplishment would be putting the phrase 'vaginal contribution' into the vernacular?

9. How is it possible that marshmallows are classified as food?

10. My daughter used to call marshmallows 'smushmallows'. When we were at the cottage with my sister and her kids, my niece laughed at this until Eve refused to say 'smushmallow' ever again. When I think about this, I still get slightly pissed at my niece. I try not to think about it.

11. I like polka dots.

12. I have never had so many black bananas and so little desire to make banana bread.

13. When I take a nap I always sleep upside down (with my head at the foot of the bed) so I'll know that it's not morning when I wake up. Otherwise it's too confusing.

14. If I wake up with my head at the foot of the bed and it's morning, this is not a good thing.

15. Plum sauce is mostly pumpkin purée. Why do the marketing gurus think that plum sauce is more appealing than pumpkin sauce? Okay, now that I type that out, never mind.

16. Now I want egg rolls.

17. Perhaps I should move my laptop out of the kitchen.

18. Stay in school. Just say no. Slippery when wet. Some restrictions may apply.

7 comments:

Lynn said...

Oh my goodness, I must get myself a subscription to Emergency Librarian, stat. Better yet, I'm going to have business cards made with that on it. Lynn, Emergency Librarian, Ph.D. AWESOME.

I am currently toilet training the Little Miss. I recommend NOT getting a puppy. I better go right now and write a letter to my future self warning me not to do it. Don't do it, future Lynn! Remember the Alamo!

And lastly, if you peel the bananas and throw them in a plastic bag, you can put them in the freezer. Later you can pull them out and thaw them in the microwave for a couple minutes (remove the bag first) and then they'll practically be mashed for you.

Of course, I always forget about them and then when I'm doing my annual freezer thaw out I throw away 20 frozen bananas. But the intentions are good!

Amber said...

Ha! OK, this post made me laugh. It also made me a little sad, because you allowed a cupcake to make it to the 12-day mark. I myself never allow them to survive past day 3, because I am responsible that way, and I have the back end to prove it.

Tracy (AKA The Mayor!) said...

BAHAHAHAHAHA!! Despite being "blogcked", I LMAO! First off, I am constantly telling my older brats not to correct my last wee girl when she says cute things like "smushmellows"...it pisses me off too, I LOVE when she's cute & corny, why do they INSIST on stomping that out of them??!!

I too debated on another baby, but after 4 already & my 40th approaching, I agree, I'm too old & beaten now! A dog is NOT a good idea...no, I don't have one, but it's a baby that NEVER grows up & gives you some freedom back one day!

Yes, I too freeze bananas like Lynn, but I too forget about them & have a billion shoved in there somewhere....enough to feed a small army with banana bread at least! But at the time, throwing them in the freezer makes you feel better & less guilty than throwing them out!

:-D

Julie said...

OK, sitting in my office LMAO.

too old and broken? as if!

we have two cats and a dog. i won't extole the virtues of owning a dog. mostly because he annoys the crap out of me. probably because he is 100lbs and we live in a matchbox.

love lynn's idea for banana freezing. gotta remember that one.

go for the cactus. they are almost impossible to kill.

suzicate said...

"will a twelve day old cupcake kill you?"...I love that. I'll bet it'll be really good if you top it with smushmallows!

Patti Murphy said...

#2 Check out "Cassie" here: http://www.ontarioaussies.ca/Available%20Aussies.html

Getting a dog was one of the best things we've done for our family. We got Maggie from this organization.

Thanks for your kind wishes.

Love,
Patti

NoisyBluebird said...

Sadly, my husband is allergic to dogs. I do see several moms with their dogs at pick up time. One mom had a bunny on a leash. I have 3 guinea pigs but they stay in their cages. Do you think we'll look back at 45 and say 'why did we think we were so old and broken?'
I also like polka dots. You're so funny :)