One Small Step for a Stay at Home Mom, One Giant Leap for...Well, No One.

First week of &*^%& January is over. Yay.

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I didn't know what to do with myself today. There were lots of things I should have been doing, but I was stuck in aimless mode. I answered some emails and sat staring at the computer, thinking.... that I had considered starting library tech courses in January. I had said I was going to take the first year that the kids were in school full-time off, to clear out the accumulated detritus of owning a house and having kids for the past decade. And to walk and work out more, and learn to play the piano again.

But then I thought maybe I would start courses in January, because it would only be a few hours a week and...then I could say I was taking courses instead of just saying I'm a stay-at-home Mom (not that there's anything wrong with that). BUT then I remembered that January was *&*^& JANUARY, and that my husband and my parents would be away for most of it, and that I might have to try to do HOMEWORK for the first time in fourteen years while sobbing and nursing thoughts of a suicidal nature, in between shoveling the driveway (because the minute Matt leaves for Switzerland there's always a blizzard) and driving one or both of my kids to emergency (because the minute Matt leaves for Switzerland they can't get down the stairs except at high velocity on their heads). And I thought, if I explained this to anyone who knew me, they would certainly agree that in this case, discretion really is the better part of valour. They would be kind and supportive and forgiving.

On the other hand, I could just suck it up and put my money where my mouth is. Which I hate, of course. I'd much rather put chocolate or tequila where my mouth is.

But I did it. I signed up for one tiny enormous course. An introductory course. 'Distance learning' they call it. At first I was overjoyed by this, thinking that I wouldn't have to go into class, because even when I was nineteen walking into a class full of people who were clearly all wondering what the heart-crushingly awful deal was with my hair was enough to induce a serious cerebro-vascular incident -- I don't even want to think how bad it would be now. But then I realized that now I've signed up to go to school... via computer. At some point I'm going to have to take courses ABOUT computers.... on a computer. And what do I know about computers? I know when one's upside down, that's about it. One course says I have to have a Pentium II quality or better computer -- that can be disassembled. DISASSEMBLED? They're going to make me take apart my computer? If I do that, how can I use the computer to tell me how to put the computer back together? Say it with me -- What. The. Fuck.

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I know it will be good for me. I know I've been putting it off because it's been a long time since I had to be where someone tells me when someone tells me, and since I tried to do something new and possiblity difficult (well, that and there was the child-raising and all the crippling mental problems and stuff). I hate doing things that I'm not good at right away. That's why I never play volleyball. And hey, maybe I'll also learn to do all the cool crap I can't do with my blog right now. Like make links instead of just talking about links I would make if I could make links. I know, I know, the idea is to make money at some point, not just dazzle you all with more than my sparkling wit and charm.

I have a student number. Want to hear something that's sort of amusing if you live in my head? My husband knows pi to twelve digits, but every time he said it I thought he was saying the first few wrong. He would say 3.14159265353, and I would think "3.14159? No way man, it's 3.14915". Because my student number in University was 8914915.

Okay, maybe it's not that amusing. Some of pi is kind of close to my student number, and I thought pi WAS my student number. It really is all about me.

Not to mention that the description of the diploma says I should enjoy working with technology and work well as part of a team. Rats. What have I done?