A Darker Shade of Blue

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Often, around this time of year, distressing things start happening to stuff around me. All the books seem full of teeth-grindingly beautiful and brave heroines, or plotlines that go around and around in circles, or people that say things like 'you do, do you?' (Good CHRIST, why would anyone ever use that as a line of dialogue? It's like a special palindrome for douchebags.) When I open the cupboards, cans of soup and jars of taco sauce throw themselves out trying to commit suicide. Dishes come out of the dishwasher with Cascade-scented tearstains on them.
Okay, maybe it's just me. I would say "for as long as I remember", but for the longest time I was totally unaware of the unparalleled forces of suckiness that were always unleashed in January. So I can't even call it a self-fulfilling prophecy. I would get through Christmas, get back in the swing of things, going merrily along, and suddenly wonder why I found myself huddling under the bathroom sink cuddling a can of Drano at one in the afternoon. Or I would be washing dishes and listening to music, and think, 'hmm, this is productive and enjoyable. I wonder why I'm going over coffin models in the back of my mind?'
Granted, January's not a pretty month. But I like snow. I don't mind cold. Theoretically it's a good time to do some pre-spring cleaning while putting away Christmas stuff. But for some reason my consciousness just wants to take a long winter's nap. It's as though I have a big, spiky, heavy mass in my stomach. If I sit very still, it doesn't hurt too much. The more I try to move and act, the more it thrashes around ripping stuff up.
It's okay. Everybody's got their thing. I try to save what agency and energy I can muster up for my kids, so they don't suffer too much. But I don't have a whole lot extra, and it seems like I should be doing more. More than just trying not to disappear.


Anonymous said…
I love the Christmas season so much (and get so wrapped up in the madness) that by the time January comes around it is a huge let down for me. January is absolutely my least favorite month of all.
Anonymous said…
I'm sorry you're having a post-Christmas letdown. That doesn't sound like much fun. My least favourite month, by far, is November. I totally detest it, so I know the feeling, even if mine comes earlier than yours.
Magpie said…
January is hard. The days are really short; the nights are really long; it's cold; and there's not the Christmas excitement. Take a nap until April. (I wish I could.)
Mary Lynn said…
Sorry you're in the doldrums (as my mom would say). It is sometimes a bit of a letdown when January arrives after all the hustle and bustle of the holidays.
Julie said…
I'm with Amber. I hate November. It's not called the month of the dead for no reason. It's grey and icky and it just makes me feel blue.

I hope the blues don't last too long for you.
Rosemary said…
It's February for me. That's when I start hearing music on the radio and think that it might be a nice tune to play at my funeral some day. I get it, I really do, so I won't throw in some sunshine and lollipops comment to try and help you feel better. Get a calender, cross off each day with an X.
Mel said…
Wow, I could have written this. I hear you. It comes and it goes at its own whim, and I'm trying to save my energy for the kids....
I'll be reading more of your posts first chance I get, nice to meet you.

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