Birds do it, Bees do it, Fleas are more educated than my kids about it
Remember when Eve and I talked a little about the facts of life and then she didn't want to talk about it any more? Turns out we should have talked about it a little more. Yesterday she was telling me about school. She said that they knew they were having health class and the grade fives in her class (she's in a four-five split) were afraid they were going to talk about where babies come from. (Let me interject that I felt the slightest bit smug about the fact that I thought Eve knew where babies come from, in a gigantic pride-goeth-before-a-fall douchebag moment). It turned out they were actually studying germs. But Eve said one of her classmates said "I know where babies come from. A man and a woman make them." Then EVE said "two women can make a baby".
What now?
I looked up from whatever I was chopping. She said her friend disagreed, but she got someone else to corroborate. I said "were you joking?" (please god, say you were joking). She looked confused.
Shit.
I said "two women can't make a baby."
She looked at me and said "I'm pretty sure they can."
Jesus.
I said "we talked about this. Remember? Sperm comes from him, egg comes from her, you need both?"
She said "but remember those people we met at the New Year's party, and they were lesbians, and they were getting married and they wanted to have the same last name in case they have kids because then they would all have the same last name?"
Ah.
So I said, leaving out the fact that I was probably too drunk to explain effectively at the time, "two women can HAVE a baby, and one of them can carry it and give birth to it, but they need sperm from a man to make it. They need what's called a sperm donor."
She said "THAT must be awkward."
And now I have to write a letter of apology to Eve's teacher and possibly a few parents. Sigh.
What now?
I looked up from whatever I was chopping. She said her friend disagreed, but she got someone else to corroborate. I said "were you joking?" (please god, say you were joking). She looked confused.
Shit.
I said "two women can't make a baby."
She looked at me and said "I'm pretty sure they can."
Jesus.
I said "we talked about this. Remember? Sperm comes from him, egg comes from her, you need both?"
She said "but remember those people we met at the New Year's party, and they were lesbians, and they were getting married and they wanted to have the same last name in case they have kids because then they would all have the same last name?"
Ah.
So I said, leaving out the fact that I was probably too drunk to explain effectively at the time, "two women can HAVE a baby, and one of them can carry it and give birth to it, but they need sperm from a man to make it. They need what's called a sperm donor."
She said "THAT must be awkward."
And now I have to write a letter of apology to Eve's teacher and possibly a few parents. Sigh.
Comments
you're welcome.
Trying to combine the birds and the bees with modern society is an evolving challenge in itself. I commend you for the way you handled Eve and thank you at the same time for the heads up!
HAHAHAHAHA.
Would it be insensitive to say that I'm glad you diffused that particular bomb, because it's probably totally ticking away over here too? Maybe.
I'm quite certain that it's also insensitive to say "hey, I just noticed awkward has TWO w's in it. I will TOTALLY have to remember that."
Oh look, shiny thing! #gottarun