I'm Sick

 Seriously you guys, I am SO SICK, and I have been stupidly engaging in presenteeism even though I am STRONGLY DISAPPROVING when other people do it. It's not because I think I owe anything to the school board (oh my goodness I do not). It's not because I have delusions of grandeur about how important my job is - wait, maybe I do, because at some of my schools my classes have already missed two weeks of library because of EQAO (which necessitated students writing exams in the library), and it's almost the end of the year, which means most of the librarians are closing the library to circulation soon if not now, and I really didn't want to make them miss one of the last library periods. 

Also, and I am putting myself out there so try to be kind, I have realized that there is a dumb little part of people-pleasing oldest-child self that always suspects that if I call in sick people think I'm faking, so it's a tiny bit gratifying to go in and have people say oh my GOD, you sound TERRIBLE, why are you even here. Except then, well, I'm there and I'm sick, so what the hell, I'm an idiot.

Anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday and even there they were like oh my GOD, you sound TERRIBLE, and stuck thermometers and pulse oximeters on me, and now I have antibiotics and inhalers up the wazoo.

Today I sent Angus a song that I can't stop listening to lately and said I couldn't decide if it was country. He said "look at you sending music" as if I was five, or eighty, little twerp. Then I said "on further reflection, I'm not entirely sure it's not about contemplating suicide, which is not the vibe I'm going for." We decided that buddy is probably not actually going to the water to throw himself in. 

Angus is driving to Virginia this weekend to see his friend Ben Adams play in the College World Series. Ben's parents were both teachers at the kids' high school, and they always called Ben Angus's Brother from Another Mother. In university some of the team saw him on Instagram and pretended they thought he was Angus's younger brother who he never talked about because he was jealous of how good he was at baseball. He's staying with the family in the hotel, so that should prompt a whole new round of confusion. When we went to watch Angus's old team in the finals for Provincials one year and Ben came up to bat, a kid behind me who sounded about ten said confidently "That's Ben Adams, who's the brother of Angus Adams who went to the LLWS two years ago". He sounded so certain I was like, is it possible he is better-versed in the previous occupants of my uterus than I am?

Eve has been having a very un-fun period while I've been sick, and Lucy has spent many days going back and forth like oh no, both women are down, who do I comfort first? One night while I was still reading Eve came in my room at about two a.m. with a monster cramp that wouldn't let up, and her body's pain response is always alarming - she gets pale, her pulse gets thready, she passes out, it's a whole big thing. She laid down with me and I went downstairs to heat up the rice pillow and then rubbed her back. Fortunately the heat did the trick. She went back to her bed a half hour or so later saying "thank god I have a mommy who doesn't sleep at night", so what do you know, maybe everything IS for a reason.

I still have no voice. If I was the kind of librarian that always shushed people I might say this was divine justice, but I'm not, so maybe the divine whatever could give a girl a break. 

And I have been having the craziest fun times with old people lately. My doctors office is right by an Independent grocer so yesterday after my appointment I went to the garden center to grab a few things to plant because the garden center is outside and I wouldn't be a pariah if I coughed. This old Greek woman nabbed me because she couldn't reach the tomato plants and she said "in my country we say the tall person is the slave to the short person" which, um, but she was very sweet, and we figured out the different kinds of tomato plants (pineapple tomatoes? Intriguing) and picked out all the ones with the thickest stems and she was very grateful.

Today I stopped for a couple of things on my way home from work (where I wasn't supposed to be) and as I was unloading my cart into my car an older woman came up with her cart and said "would you like me to return yours too?" (I was between her car and the cart return). I said "oh, I can return yours", but she seemed bent on grabbing mine, so I put the last bag in and hit the button to close the back, and she said "don't forget your avocado". I saw there was an avocado still in the cart, which made me think I might have just inadvertently stolen an avocado, but I managed not to say that. I hit the button to make the back hatch go up again, and then it was confused and kept going the wrong way which was awesome, because now I had an audience. In the end I let her return the cart and she probably felt like she'd helped someone who really needed help. Circle of life, I guess.

What Day Even Is It?

 We headed to Ithaca Friday afternoon, got there and met Angus for dinner, a few hours after he successfully defended his master's thesis. We had to stay in Elmira forty minutes away, in the same hotel we stayed in visiting him all through undergrad, due to how late we booked, but it was kind of fun going back there. Saturday we went to the brunch for the Health and Exercise Science faculty and hung out with Angus and his supervisor and profs, which was really cool. Then went to the grad ceremony, then dinner, then drove home. Then there was still Sunday and Monday of the long weekend, so I've been confused about what day it is all week.

I was feeling kind of insanely allergic to everything in Ithaca, then Sunday was snotty and coughish all day. Monday felt fine, Tuesday took my mom shopping, all good. Yesterday I woke up and got ready for work without talking to anyone because Matt is in Boston and Eve was still sleeping (she got up and weeded the back yard while I was at work, so I do not begrudge this). I got to work, tried to say good morning to someone and only a horrifying croak came out. So I guess it really was/is a cold. Happily I still have a good amount of the vat of narcotic cough syrup my doctor gave me last time, because the Cough of Death is making itself known. 

We were really happy Angus decided to walk at grad. All year he said he wasn't going to bother, been there done that, and when he thought he was leaving for North Carolina in June or July he thought he'd be busy packing and looking for a place. Then he found out he doesn't start until September, so texted me "just picked up my cap and gown" (Me: "What now?"). It was totally worth missing the event we were going to for Dave's birthday, not that I wasn't looking forward to some scantily-clad stormtroopers action. 

The brunch was extremely informal, but a nice chance to meet some of the people he'd spent two years with. His supervisor, who he said was the GOAT, knew more about figure skating than baseball, but she was willing to learn with him and was so encouraging whenever he was having difficulties. It was in the Health Sciences Center so there were pictures of motion analysis and stuff on the walls, including one of Angus's leg being handled - not quite as glamorous as his fifteen-foot-tall photo at the Little League World Series, but still cool. 

Saturday was only the graduate students walking, so it was much smaller than it would be Sunday for all the undergrads, but still about the same size as his tiny undergrad college. But it was inside, not under the blazing sun, and it went quickly. Ithaca has a robust music program, so the four-part harmony for the national anthem and a couple of other pieces was stunning. Every faculty got hooded by a representative of their profs - we met the one doing Angus's at the brunch. Funny guy from California who moved to New England for college and never went back. The college president is an impressive woman with a lot of presence, and her speech was really moving. Angus knew her from working in the provost's office for two years, so I like to think her first bump with him was a little extra.

We got to meet Angus's roommate from this year (last year he was with kitchen slobs that he didn't click with at all), super nice kid and family. He's going to be in Virginia next year so they have plans to get together again. Angus surprisingly had a line on a roommate for next year too - a friend of friends from Division 3 baseball who is starting work at the same facility but a couple of months earlier. Would be nice if he's not all alone, although the sports connection seems to help him, uh, connect with people pretty well. 

Angus and George, his roommate

There were professional photos taken at the grad ceremony. The pics themselves are nice, but we have been chortling over the horribly tacky fake backgrounds they offer. 

"That's it, that's the one" I said when he sent the proofs to me.

Note the Maple Leaf sash they gave him to wear. "This is character growth, I would never have done this for undergrad" he said. We were walking over from the brunch to the building where grad was and we passed a group and heard a woman say "OH, he's CaNAYdian". 

Alternatively, this one where he's about to... get clocked?

We walked around campus after the ceremony. I felt a little sad that we hadn't spent much time there during his two years. The first year Covid was still sort of a looming spectre, and the second year we did come once in the fall. It just feels strange to know so little about somewhere that was such a big part of his life, but I guess that's part of the whole stupid kids growing up and making their own stupid lives thing. (I do take Steph's point from the previous post, though, that it is probably better that they are out in the world doing their thing than stuck. Here's hoping Noah finds something exciting and satisfying soon). 

I had thought ahead and made a reservation at the really nice restaurant we went to in the fall, because the Commons was pretty much thronged after grad. We got Angus fed a giant hamburger, went and collected a couple of loads of winter clothes from him to take home, and hit the road. 

Imagine the starting size of that pickle!

It wasn't quite enough time with him, in the way that it never is, quite, but it was really nice. He is happy and excited about the next stage, and we are happy and excited for him. 

Oops I Did it Again

"I will blog again before a week and a half goes by". Reader, she did not.

It's fine. This is fine. Everything is fine. 

Lucy's improving. I'm making it to work. We cleaned the house yesterday before my parents came over for Mother's Day. The windows are rotting out of the frames and we have ants, but, you know, it's clean. I was tired and out of sorts because I'm having a violent resurgence of every-night Restless Leg Syndrome and it sucks beyond belief, but it was still fun.

I don't love the mall, and typically when I go I go Monday to Wednesday so it's dead, and yet I inexplicably asked Eve if she wanted to go to the mall. On Saturday. And we did, and it was super fun! We got a not-terrible parking place, it was busy but not insanely so, and we met some fun sales people (along with one catastrophically bad young man at Bluenotes - mumbly, sullen, negative-fifty-fucks to give - who was so bad it was enjoyable). 

The last time we went looking for jeans for Eve we went to a dozen stores and found one acceptable pair on our way out of the mall. This time she wasn't even LOOKING for jeans and she found some on a thirty-dollar sale table. Actually she didn't at first, they didn't have her size, but she was waiting for me to get there because she won't try on anything without me there to give an opinion (isn't that cute?) so she kept checking back and eventually her size appeared.

She was looking for a long white skirt, and she found one. Then she found a better one for less money. We went to the Uniqlo store that just opened ("Old Navy for Asians" says Matt, who spends a lot of time in Asia) and got mildly overstimulated. We went out for lunch and stuffed our faces with guacamole.

I bought a sundress to wear to Angus's grad, which we are now going to, because he wasn't going to walk on the basis of "been there, done that", well, done that somewhere else, so we said fine, but then he found out that he's not actually going to start work until the fall so he has some time, and his last month's rent is paid, so he's going to do grad (the graduate students are the day before the rest, and it's smaller and more individualized), so we told him he was a giant dork (MULTIPLE TIMES we asked "do you want us to come to your grad?" NO, he said) and then booked a hotel room.

Did I mention he got a JOB? Did I mention the job is in NORTH FREAKING CAROLINA?

For years he's been saying he wants a baseball job somewhere warm. His most likely prospect was in Rochester. Rochester is basically Canada. He interviewed with Tread Athletics in North Carolina. What are the odds, we thought? Turns out the odds were... well, I'm not entirely sure whose favour they were in. "Tell them thanks but your mommy said it's too far?" I suggested. Then I said "just kidding" and he said "okay, whew, wasn't sure."

At least we have a lot of Air Miles? I said "my son is moving to North Carolina" to someone at school today and felt like I was in a weird dream. It feels a little strange to have to get on a plane to visit my kid (or drive for 13 hours), but truthfully I probably won't see him that much less. It will be a fun adventure?

Eve had an interview at an Engineering place for a job doing water sampling at schools. It sounds kind of hard and like it should be with a senior person (the title is 'junior environmental scientist' which sounds so cute, like it should come with a miniature hard hat), and she's not entirely sure she wants it but will still be offended if she doesn't get it. Whatever, one kid at a time. At least she's not likely to move a country away, how would she ever buy clothes? I guess she could text me pictures. Sigh. 

Hello Yes I Am Here

 Lucy is doing really well, and Eve is home, and work has been quite enjoyable. I have also been feeling like I am teetering at the edge of a giant sucking depression vortex. I knew that some kind of emotional backlash was likely after the intense two weeks alone with Lucy recovering. At this point I am kind of viewing the cyclical depression thing as a bout of the flu or a spate of bad weather. Rest, fluids, raincoat, galoshes (?)

Anyway, I have sat down to blog a few times and been repelled from the computer by some kind of magnetic force field. Let me list some good things that happened.

Nicole's fabulous ass was IN MY KITCHEN CHAIR FOR AN ENTIRE AFTERNOON. Except when it was helping me do a rehab walk with Lucy. It was so lovely. We talked and talked, over and under each other, we laughed, we ate guacamole and Macintosh apples, she snuggled Lucy, who was as besotted with her as I am. When she texted that she was on her way I texted that I was just making guacamole. My phone dinged with a notification and it said "Nicole removed a heart from 'just making guacamole', and I was like dude, it's fine if you're not hungry. It was actually a car-texting mistake, but it was very funny. We also Facetimed Eve, who was coming home two days later so just missed meeting Nicole. 

Eve came home! Matt drove down Saturday and brought her back Sunday. I let Lucy sleep in bed with me for the first time Saturday night and she was so happy, but at one point she went to jump off the bed and I literally caught her mid-leap. She is not supposed to be jumping on and off furniture yet. We are trying to catch her and lift her up and down. This has been, predictably, a bit of a shitshow. She is small and crafty. We are hoping that preventing her from jumping eighty percent of the time will be enough. She is walking pretty well on the leg most of the time, but Jesus, she is shortening my life on the daily. A funny adorable thing that happens is that when I put out the blanket for her massage now (we're supposed the massage the leg and do passive range-of-motion exercises a few times a day) she comes over and flops down immediately. This may be part of a lifestyle to which she is now accustomed). It is much more fun doing doggie rehab with an extra person to help. 

Eve's marks have been rolling in. We had talked extensively about the fact that doing the musical would almost certainly have an impact on her marks. As exams drew near she confessed that when she said "I don't care about my marks" she really meant "I'll be okay with a B" and now it was looking like even Bs might not happen and she wasn't that okay with it. In organic chemistry this did turn out to be the case - C+, her lowest mark ever. I said "so what? Do you want to be an organic chemist?" She said no. She also never has to take chemistry again. She got over it fairly quickly, especially when her tech mark came in and was an A-, an absolute shock since she wrote the 'worst paper ever' while in the middle of tech week (five-hour rehearsal every day) for the musical, and thought the exam went pretty badly too. In her Lit course and Visual Culture she got A pluses, so the term average was totally fine. I think the musical experience was totally worth it.

My friend Sonia gave me some tea tins, and I reorganized my tea shelf. I know this is a very small thing, but I took Lucy for her walk a few days ago and then instead of retreating to my room to brood I did kitchen stuff and then did yoga before showering, so I brooded while stretched AND clean. 

Yesterday was the Broadview Book Bonanza (giant book sale at my Thursday school) and I got some great books for the library and for my book-overflowing house. I will show and tell the books tomorrow, or definitely before a week and a half goes by.